Getting old sucks. For most people your body rejects your normal functions. Many find they can’t drink coffee anymore or eat pizza like they used to. When one wakes up their body aches and muscles are stiff. Oh and I almost forgot the need to urinate all the time. Sleep habits are totally messed up and sometimes gaining weight is easier than breathing. Let’s not forget about the multiple medications and vitamins that are required by the doctors and pharmaceutical companies. I keep saying the word forget, oh yeah, we forget things as we get older.
I hate the idea of getting old. To clarify, I don’t fear death but the process of my body getting closer to death is what I fear. This fear has brought me to my current stance on getting old. I believe when one reaches a certain age we should get a card from the government that states we can receive certain pharmaceuticals. Think about it, when we reach a certain age we are allowed to drive legally. We get a little older then we can drink legally. What happens after that? From what I’ve seen all we get after that is a discount on food and certain things when we look old enough to pass for a senior citizen. There is a lot of time between drinking age and becoming a senior citizen! This is where my idea comes into play. Let’s say at 55, sounds like a good age, you get a card that allows you to get weed for free. Even the drug dealers on the corner have to respect the card and give you weed for free. Yes, this is stupid but you are going to keep reading because you have become intrigued. Then at 65 you get another card that still allows weed but maybe you can have LSD. Again, even your local street dealer has to respect the card and just hand it over to you. When reaching 70 and up you get new cards that allow more serious drugs. My idea is still in it’s infancy and the entire idea is all buffoonery but lets keep going. At 70, now many are retiring, if they give up their drivers license and car they get straight up coke. Their only means of transportation is a bicycle and a skateboard. Imagine a bunch of 70 year old people riding bikes on coke. As people age closer to 80 and 90 they should get a card for heroin and other hard pharmaceuticals.
Think about it, if you are 80 and high on heroin you won’t care if you pooped your pants because your body hates you drinking coffee. You won’t care if your bones crack as you fall out of your chair. You won’t care if you lost your false teeth, or your kids or grand-kids don’t come to visit.
Buffoonery is a good word for this post. I hope you all got a laugh out of it.