Do what you’re told, peasants.

The Actual Owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet was observed in her son’s channel demanding DEMANDING that the guests log in. Apparently guest chat is just too much for the rancid Queen of Mercury to bear. Anonymity is just fine for the Actual Owner of the site as she lurks and spies and trolls and posts leading remarks in the channels of customers users those idiots who use her site, but it is not permitted in her son’s channel, by god! Know your place, you wretched scum!

Shuffle them already!

I don’t know a thing about boxing but I do think I could keep the numbers up for Vaughn.

Last Saturday night most of the men I know were abuzz with anticipation of the Mayweather/McGregor fight.  Although I watched, I have no clue what’s going on with boxing, who are popular boxers, or the rules of boxing.  I did know that my friends have been talking about this fight for months.  Apparently, Mayweather is a traditional boxer, meaning he’s always been a boxer.  McGregor, however, is an MMA fighter who wanted to fight Mayweather; McGregor trained to be a boxer and not use his MMA skills to fight Mayweather.  I hear there was a lot of money to be made for both athletes and as usual this was a pay per view event.  For those of you who don’t know, most of these boxing/MMA big name tickets are pay per view, meaning you have to pay (in this instance $89.95) to watch the event.

As for myself, I’m not a fan enough to pay $10.00 to watch much less $89.95.  So what’s a girl to do? Of course, go online and find someone streaming it live.  I headed to my normal broadcasting site which flourishes in copyright infringement broadcasts, Vaughnlive.tv.

HandsomeMork has posted previously about the site and its “owner.”  I have heard from other sources (yes I know that’s hearsay) that the owners love to talk about the numbers of their site.  So why don’t they help themselves while they can?  When I first logged onto the website I found a great stream of the fight with over 2,000 viewers in that one channel.  Of course it was taken down due to RUNDMC laws.  (I will leave it to HandsomeMork to school us on RUNDMC rules and regulations.) In true fashion another channel opened right up with the fight.  All 2000 viewers went to the new channel.  The broadcasters had several back up channels they were advertising in the chat rooms because they knew they were going to get shut down eventually.  As the evening got closer to the main event there were several channels opened with the fights.  Many were closed down and new ones opened several times that night. (Before I started recording I had already witnessed two channel closures.)  At one point in time there were five different channels live showing the fights.  Some were good quality, some better, and some worse.  Those original 2000 viewers were now spread out among the five different channels.

The owner of the (what appears to be a dying) website was probably jumping for joy as his site is finally getting some numbers again but why not keep those numbers?  Why not shuffle those highly viewed channels to the end of the line making it harder to find?  Saturday it was very easy to find the fights, they were all number one or two in the channel line up.  Why not move them to the end of the line to keep your numbers? Also, why continue to advertise VIP service on these highly watched channels?  You are only making the viewers hate your site and go to different ones. I know of two other sites that were showing the fights that offer better services than Vaughn for free or a lower cost.

There were a few broadcasters who classified their broadcasts differently to keep them hidden, those worked as most people don’t look in the Spanish section of Vaughn unless they are looking for porn. Kudos to those casters for being smart!  I digress.

Now my question to you, is this a genius idea or am I a total ignoramus?

On a side note, I’m glad I didn’t pay any money for the fights.  I fell asleep waiting for the main event and had to watch it on youtube the next day.

 

Turn around. Don’t drown.

“Earth was created for all of us, not some of us.” – Douglas Williams

Hurricane Harvey made land fall on Texas a few days ago.  Many cities were evacuated (and are still being evacuated) due to the flooding and other conditions Harvey has brought them.  If you have seen the news regarding Harvey, you have probably seen some of the photos and videos of the devastation.  I think about my loved ones and friends in this area and wonder if they are okay.  Some of them are smart enough to wait it out, and some are just dumber than dumb. Those dumb ones would be the ones who are surfing in the streets, swimming in the culverts, or swinging from downed power lines.  I joke.

Yes there are some people who are dumber than a box of pickles. I find myself wondering why we constantly need to remind people not to do stupid things?  As a society we have to remind people “turn around, don’t drown”.  As a society we have to remind people to practice safe sex.  As a society we have to remind people don’t do drugs et cetera, et cetera. Why is this?  Did we forget to tell the younger generation how to be safe?  Did we forget how to use our brains?  Are we, as a society, really dumber than a box of pickles?

Why in 2015 was there an HIV outbreak?   Do we have to have commercials or public service announcements to remind people how to prevent the spread of aids?  During flash flooding, we are always reminded to “turn around, don’t drown”.  Did we forget that mother nature doesn’t care about how big and strong you are?  Did we forget mother nature can destroy buildings and a wee little human is nothing to her?  Should our TV programs be nothing but public service announcements rather than entertaining programs?

I once heard the term “dumbing down America.” I thought wow, that’s a terrible thing to say!  Years later (I hate to admit) it might be true.   Idiocracy is the perfect movie to encapsulate what I’m trying to say.

 

To all the Texans and Louisianians (and anyone else who might be affected by the hurricanes) I hope you are all safe.

 

 

 

The Madness Continues

On Monday, I got an email. I was being summoned. My attendance was requested. My presence was required. In the local dialect, I was being told to “gitcher ass in gear an’ get on down here, son”.

Given the subject of the email, I complied post-haste.

In the second week of July of this year, I found myself sitting down with Harry, the owner of Harry’s Guitar Shop (odd coincidence, them both being named “Harry”). I informed Harry that I wanted a Heritage H-155 M guitar, but not just any old run-of-the-mill H-155 M. No sir. I wanted a special H-155 M, built just for me, with ALL the bells, ALL the whistles, the kitchen sink, HBO, white side walls… you name it, I wanted it. So Harry, being a Heritage dealer, picked up the speaker phone of love and called Heritage Guitars up. One transfer later we were talking to the Lady With The Sharp Pencil and she started asking me questions.

Her questions centered around my specifications and the various up-charges they entailed. I authorized all of it. I encouraged her to find and kill the last unicorn and make the fret markers out of his horn. “Alas, all we offer is mother-of-pearl” she cried out. Anyway, they got the idea I wanted a real doozy of a custom built 155 and at that point I left Harry to discuss the numbers and delivery date with the nice lady. Harry contacted me the following day with a price and a date of September 15th for the guitar’s arrival.

I suspect my astute readers have already surmised that the email I received on Monday was Harry informing me that a small miracle had happened and my Heritage was sitting in his office. Just to bait the hook (or maybe it was to twist the knife?) he sent me some photos of the guitar with the statement that the guitar looked much better in person than it did in the pictures.

 

Really? It looks “much better” than that?

Well, it does. There was another customer at Harry’s who saw it and made the remark “I am standing two feet away from this and it looks like the top is made of crushed velvet”.

But the story, it does not end here. Oh no. The story never ends.

In the jibber jabber that follows any substantial transaction, I asked Harry about a guitar I had seen listed as a “special deal” on his web site. The guitar in question is a Schecter Custom Shop PT in butterscotch. Another customer had ordered a custom built Schecter PT and specified a maple fret board. Someone at Schecter goofed and put on a rosewood fret board. The customer was notified that his guitar had arrived, he came in, looked at the guitar and said “This is not what I ordered”. The customer and Harry got on the phone with Schecter to instruct them on the fine points of telling maple from rosewood. Harry now has a genuine Schecter Custom Shop on his hands that no one wants. (The customer is well within his rights to reject the guitar, as he ordered a custom build from a custom shop. The builder really does not want that guitar back, because they have no idea when someone else will order that exact set of features.) So Harry puts it on his wall for what is basically dealer cost, in this case just about $1000 off the retail price.

I see the guitar, I hold the guitar, the guitar whispers to me “My intended has rejected me, through no fault of my own. Won’t you please take me home with you?”, and so I did.

 

And even now, the story is not at an end. It seems there is a Peavey T-30 on a UPS truck headed my way, even as I write these thrilling words.

Someone, anyone, PLEASE help me stop.

Superdumbvillain

I thought this was awesome in many ways.  The fact that a burger is talking, a delicious looking burger is talking to me!  I also admire his broadcasting abilities and special effects.

Have a look, what do you think?  (Now I’m hungry.)

Singing with the dogs.

Not many sites do a sexy chris post these days, they are all too worried about his court dates.  Clarkswhiskey, aka sexychriswhile, is a social broadcaster with a love of alcohol.  I don’t know how much alcohol he consumes but I would think he could be in the running for a world record.  I wonder if they have a world record for longest surviving liver. I digress.  While I was recording him I stepped out of the room.  When I heard the dog howling I came running back in to this…

Enjoy.

 

Off with Their Heads!

I’m going to make this short, sweet, (hopefully funny) and to the point.  This craze of removing monuments is getting out of hand.

Apparently the current mood in America, or by some Americans, is that civil war statues are offensive and should be removed.  In many southern states monuments that have been standing for years are being removed and desecrated.

I believe that most young people have no idea who these bronze statues are or what they represent.  If we were to remove all the plaques that are attached to the terrible monuments in question, no one would know what they are. For instance, let’s remove the plaque that is on or near this statue.  Let’s change the plaque to Famous Steve Balboa who fought hard to earn money by preaching and collecting money to give to the poor.  Kids these days wouldn’t know the difference.

With this in mind, I think it would be easier to just change all the plaques to make a better world and give hope that we can all be nice to one another.  One can have a dream right? Oh wait, that statue is still standing.

Next, if removing the plaques doesn’t make people happy, what if we save money by removing the heads of these terrible monuments?  Imagine a land of no headed statues.  I’m trying to save money because, in case people have forgotten, most states don’t have a ton of money to remove statues.  They barely have money to repair the roads properly. I digress.  I think that removing the heads could be a good thing.  Here are a few examples:

What do we do with the heads?  Ever heard of Easter Island?  By removing the heads what will aliens think in a million years when they visit our dead planet with statues of headless people all over the place? This could be our world!

Also, if we are rewriting our history and removing statues, what about the towns that get most of their revenue from tourists visiting civil war sites?  Gettysburg for example, how much do they get from civil war tourists?  I believe in light of today’s crazy thinking the revenue isn’t worth keeping the town. Therefore, we should burn the town down and erase it from the map.  While we are at it, lets quarantine the dirt left over and make it a biohazard wasteland.

On a side note, there are currently statues of Michael Jackson around the world, but those are not being torn down, even though some people told him to beat it.   There are also three statues of Lenin in the United States.  I only read up on one; I found it fascinating that a statue that was so offensive to the Czechoslovakians ended up in Seattle.  It makes me wonder what will happen to to all of our statues.  I would find it more offensive if they found their homes in Iraq.

Also, I have found that many people hate clowns.  Why is Ronald McDonald not removed all over America?

On a serious note, if these people who are so offended by these terrible monuments that “represent” slavery got together to join forces to stop the slavery that exists today (sex slavery) maybe the world could be a better place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Staying Cool in the Summer

 

I’m a big ass fan of keeping cool in the hot summer heat and I try lots of gadgets to help me keep cool.  I usually stay inside the refrigerator during the summer, it reminds me of the time I was locked in the refrigerator as a child.  I haven’t found an air conditioned bodysuit in my price range so I try other gadgets to keep me cool when I’m out and about in the city.

 

Today I’ve tried a cooling towel which I bought at my local big box store.  The item claims to keep you considerably cooler than the outside air and provides cooling relief and offers to keep you comfortable while doing your favorite activity at home or on the go.  I stress the ‘you’ because this didn’t keep ‘me’ considerably cooler or comfortable.

I chose my stylish color cooling towel and while opening the package noticed an offensive smell.  As I was inspecting the smell (yes I put the package to my nose and smelled it) I was wondering what chemical was this towel doused in?  It was a smell I don’t recall smelling before but it was foul.  The texture was what I thought it was going to be, that of a big shammy towel (chamois towel if you prefer), you know the towel for cars.

After I got over the smell, no it never went away I just got used to it, I wet the towel by placing it in a big bowl of water.  I donned my towel and went outside; I quickly noticed that the towel heated up to my body temperature.  Now I was currently wearing a wet shammy that was hot.  I was disappointed.  I wanted the cooling towel to keep me cool not annoyed, which is what I was becoming.  They should have named it the annoying towel.

I will not be using this towel and I hope the smell of the towel mingles well with the other smells at the landfill.

As I type this I find it might be a good cheap gift for people I am required to buy gifts for.  It will appear as if it’s a thoughtful gift but secretly I will know they will be annoyed.

If you have ideas on how to keep cool please feel free to tell me.

The League of Upright Broadcasters

There can be no doubt that there is an immensity of dreck being spewed forth on various social broadcasting platforms. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your politics are, I don’t even care if you are left-handed, I feel certain that you could immediately rattle off the names of several broadcasters that you would sooner shoot than allow into the presence of your mother or your offspring.

One of the raisons d’etre of this blog was to mention and otherwise highlight those broadcasters who eschew the low road. These are broadcasters who will say hello to old friend and new viewer alike, who will seek (to the degree you allow them to) to make one and all welcome and comfortable within the confines of their channel.

I have observed that most of the vaper channels are like this. All are welcome. All they ask is that you behave yourself as if you were visiting their living room in real life. Any sensible adult (and any well brought up child for that matter) should have no problem with this. For those who are simply unable to control themselves… well, it is time for you to leave. You can just go on ahead and walk out, and if you can’t find the way, someone will show you.

I attend the following shows on a pretty darn regular basis. As a rule, the uproar and angst is generally minimal and the emphasis is on friends hanging out and maybe having a laugh or six.

EDIT – removed all links – every single channel gave up the fight.

If you are looking for a sane, non-threatening place to spend some online social time, there are much worse places you could try.

By all means, PLEASE add your favorites in the comments below.

Is this how you do it, mommy?

So this little exchange happened today on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet:

In the red corner, we have one of the all time most obnoxious pests that has ever activated an account on a social website, Mr (Miss?) Patrickva. In the blue corner, we have Gout Boy, the man-child offspring of the owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet.

In what is standard operating procedure for one of clan vaughn, Gout Boy is lurking in channels as a guest (I leave it to the reader, as a purely intellectual exercise, to hypothesize why the administrators of a website would feel the need, the overwhelming compulsion, to anonymously patrol their own site).

All does not go according to plan for Gout Boy. He is caught out by the clever trap (heh) laid by Patrickva and is coerced into declaring his actual identity. Patrickva then delivers the coup de main by pointing out that Gout Boy simply could have signed in like a civilized individual (once again, dear reader, I must ask that you ponder another point. How many times have you seen the actual owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet state in open chat that she wishes there was no guest chat? Miss Scruffy, be careful what you wish for! How could you possibly lurk and interject provocative statements into chat as you are wont to do if you had to sign in?).

Gout Boy responds exactly as we all expect a member of clan vaughn to respond: abruptly and rudely. Gout Boy has proudly proclaimed that he is not professional, and here we have yet another instance of him boldly living down to that credo.

Gout Boy (as is de rigueur for a member of clan vaughn) then threatens Patrickva with account closure, leading Patrickva to bow in obeisance.

This could have been an epic “in yo’ face, motherfucker” moment for Patrickva, but alas, his manhood (womanhood?)  deserted him at this key juncture in this titanic battle of wills. Tucking his tail between his spindly legs, Patrickva demonstrates to the Gout Boy that his account on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet means more to him than his pride.

To the surprise of exactly no one.

As long as Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet continues to attract beta males, this will never end.

Allow me to translate.

The Actual Terms of Service for Vaughn Live

1. You must be at least 18 years of age to have an account. If you have a youthful appearance you will ultimately be banned because the actual site owner hates being reminded of her age.

2. Streams may not contain film, video, pictures, etc. of persons under 18 unless you are a friend of Mark Vaughn.

3. Nudity is not permitted, unless it’s late and you’re really hot, in which case D****L will make sure you stay on until he is…. finished. Nudity is allowed and constantly available in the Miscellaneous section.

4. We appreciate broadcasters who go Total FUBAR on drugs because that brings us viewers.

5. We appreciate broadcasters who say totally outrageous shit. That also brings us viewers.

6. For some inane reason there is a rule about showing your ass… because apparently Rule 3 just wasn’t good enough?

7. You large breasted women can’t flaunt your gifts on camera unless your name is Gamer Girl.

8. The Amrita Rule: no rubber dicks because it makes the actual site owner get itchy “down there”.

9. The “Any Way the Wind Blows” Rule: People who have been banned may/may not be allowed to be heard, seen, or mentioned on someone else’s broadcast. It all just depends on how the actual site owner is feeling at that exact moment. Ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances.

10. The People category is for use by whoever the actual site owner feels it should be used by. You were forbidden to play games there until the actual site owner’s son decided he wanted to show off his elite minecraft skills there. It was just fine to have a black screen until the actual site owner turned on Bubbaganoosh, now black screens are right out. Play this one by ear, people.

11. Rule 11 exists because they ran out of room in Rule 10. Seriously.

12. The DMCA Safe Harbor disclaimer: Whatever YOU show is ON YOU. That’s how the law works, despite what some folks fervently wish to believe.

13. YOU MUST, AT ALL TIMES, KISS THE ASS OF THE ACTUAL SITE OWNER (hereinafter referred to as Miss Scruffy) TO USE THIS WEBSITE. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY RULE 13 WILL LEAD TO AN IMMEDIATE SITE BAN.

Here’s the deal, boys and girls: eventually, Miss Scruffy will turn on everyone with the single exception of her son. Do not ever underestimate or discount this. She has successfully fostered a mindset of “us against the world” in the psyche of her precious man-child and it is far, far too late to fix or repair the damage she has done. And she likes that just fine.

Meaty Penne

Years ago I found a recipe for a penne pasta bake type meal.  I absolutely loved it!  For some reason my roommate at the time hated it and threw my recipe away.  I have been searching for something similar and so far I’ve found nothing that comes close to it.  I’m giving this recipe a try tonight.  I’m hoping it’s delicious because I made a bunch and will be eating it for the rest of the week, unless I freeze some of it for later.  I found this easy to make with little preparation and little cook time.  The start-to-finish time: 25 minutes.

 

Meaty Penne Pasta

Ingredients

  • 8 ounces dried penne
  • 1 pound lean ground beef
  • 1/2 cup chopped onion
  • 1 14 ounce can whole Italian-style tomatoes, undrained
  • 1/2 6 ounce can Italian-style tomato paste
  • 1/4 cup dry red wine or tomato juice
  • 1/2 teaspoon sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano, crushed
  • 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 1/4 cup sliced pitted ripe olives
  • 1/2 cup shredded reduced-fat mozzarella cheese (2 ounces)  (I use a full cup of cheese when I make this. I like cheese. Get over it.)
  • Fresh oregano leaves (optional)

Instructions

  1. Cook pasta according to package directions. Drain well. Return pasta to hot pan; cover to keep warm.
  2. Meanwhile, in a very large skillet, cook ground beef and onion until meat is brown. Drain off fat. In a blender or food processor, combine undrained tomatoes, tomato paste, wine, sugar, dried oregano, and pepper. Cover and blend or process until smooth.
  3. Stir tomato mixture into meat mixture in skillet. Bring to boiling; reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 10 minutes. Stir in cooked pasta and olives. Cover and heat through.
  4. Sprinkle individual servings with mozzarella cheese. If desired, garnish with oregano leaves.

The mystery of the Cookie Shuffle

Cookie Lipshitz, an antediluvian social broadcaster, gets shuffled but doesn’t understand why.  Allow me to educate the educator.

For those of you who don’t know about social broadcasting, many sites will 
place the broadcaster with the largest number of viewers on their home page to “feature” that broadcaster. For example, if you have 100 viewers in your room and that is the highest viewer count by channel, the site you are on will generally place your broadcast stream on their front page. If another caster then gets 101 viewers, they will then be featured and you will be bumped to second place. In the past, the desire to be featured has created fighting and drama between channels, as some people want (demand) to be featured. Other social broadcasting sites rotate the feature option for all active broadcasters without regard to their viewer counts. I prefer this method as everyone gets a chance at fame.  I’m still unclear as to why people desire to be featured.  I haven’t heard of anyone becoming famous from social broadcasting sites. It is possible Hollywood talent agencies scout the front pages of social broadcasting sites for their next Brad Pitt.

So this is pretty straight forward. A social broadcasting website either places you on the front page based solely on your viewer count, or they use an algorithm to randomly select a channel for the “honor”. I know, I know. I am beating this to death. Why must you keep reading? I do have a point, I promise.

A few days ago, Cookie Lipshitz was on a certain social broadcasting website that claims to use the viewer count numbers to be featured. The little Counting Gerbil that the owner of this website SAYS he coded counts up the total number of channel viewers and if Channel X has more viewers than any other  channel, it automagically places Channel X on the front page. Bam. Channel X has now achieved everlasting fame and immortality. They are FEATURED!

Getting back to Cookie, a viewer in her channel informed Cookie she had 51 viewers, and since this site under discussion doesn’t get much traffic any longer, Cookie should have been in first place and featured as she had the highest viewer count at that time. However, this was not the case. The venerable Ms. Lipshitz was shuffled to the back of the line. The very back of the line. In dead last place on the popularity score board if you will. The big goose egg. Zilch. Nada. Last place. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Cookie, knowing how the system works, was a bit upset that she was at the end of the line and wanted to know why.

I found this comical.  She was an educator in her previous life and desires (demands) to be thought of as educated. Why doesn’t she understand this?  She’s at the back of the line because she pissed someone off.  She’s been broadcasting on two different social broadcasting sites recently and the site owners don’t like the competition.

Maybe she was trying to be funny. She does refer to herself as a comedian when she is asked for a bill of particulars.  I don’t know if the site owners know what a “bill of particulars” is. I’ve attached the rules below and she didn’t break any of those rules. However, the last line says it all, guidelines are subject to change. Which means if we don’t like you, you get TOSsed.

 

This screen capture shows her at the bottom of the list.

I did find this person’s reason humorous.

The following is a list of Vaughn Live’s stream guidelines
  1. Must be at least 18 years of age to have an account and/or stream
  2. Streams (example: photos, films, videos, events, live broadcasts) cannot contain content of persons under the age of 18, except professionally pre-produced content.
  3. No nudity / No sexually explicit material
  4. No consumption and/or depiction of illegal drugs and/or substances (based on United States federal laws) on stream
  5. No hate speech / No illegal activity
  6. No mooning. Due to past “unfortunate” mooning events, mooning is no longer allowed.
  7. Cannot focus stream on chest, butt or genitals.
  8. No sex toys or promotion of sex related items.
  9. Banned streamers can be on your stream or MvnCams, but you are responsible for their actions and content.
  10. People category is not for all content. If you change the content of your broadcast, please update your channel category accordingly. Streams with no one on cam, no one on mic and no Streamer in chat do not belong in the People tab. Also streams that show pre produced content for the majority of their stream should not be in the People category.
  11. Gaming is allowed here on Vaughn Live. And if you’re either on cam or on mic, you can stream gaming in the People tab.
  12. By using Vaughn Live, you agree you have full permission for any content you may use on your stream and/or on your channel itself
Guidelines are subject to change

 

Hair Shampooing 101 with Liklik

Liklik is a social broadcaster that I find peculiar.  In a previous post, where I watched Liklik mow the lawn, I stayed to watch him shower….outside.  Oh my, I just realized that I watched Liklik shower and how that sounds.  I might need to see a psychiatrist.

I found his art of shampooing his hair most interesting; I actually second guessed how I had been shampooing my own hair all these years. For those of you who second guessed how to shampoo your own hair too, check this out to verify if you have shampooing your own hair correctly.

As I type this I wonder how bald people wash their heads and if they put something on their bald heads to make it look glossy.  I digress.  Enjoy the video.

 

Lawn Safety with Liklik

I’ve been looking for a lawn service to make my yard look amazing and I believe Liklik just might be the man.

I was browsing my broadcasting sites when I noticed Liklik was mowing his lawn.  After watching him for a bit I noticed that I was judging his form and safety gear.  I thought to myself, ‘hey, he’s mowing the lawn, what do I care?’  I’ve always been told I need a man to do things around the house such as mowing and farting.  It appears Liklik might be that man.  No he is not the man for me, but he is a man who can mow. I can not report on his farting ability.

I googled mower safety tips to see how Liklik rated in safety.  Shoe safety: yes, he’s keeping his shoes safe by keeping them in the house.  I’m a shoe lover so I appreciate his devotion to his shoes.  Who needs a few toes or even a foot when you have beautiful shoes that are safe and untouched? Avoiding rocks and such: he did find something, I’m not sure if he ran over it first or not, he does toss whatever he found it is across the yard. Maybe there was an invisible trash can he was throwing that something into. He also mowed around something in the middle of the lawn instead of running over it.  Wearing hearing protection: he may have failed at this as I see no protection for himself or the listeners.  The link for mowing tips doesn’t address clothing however I believe boxers and a t-shirt is ideal for mowing.  Maybe there is an athletic sports cup under those boxers to protect his johnson?

In regards to Liklik’s form, it appears he has straight lines and evenly mowed. I found his one handed mowing to be exceptional showmanship of his mowing abilities.  I hope to see him edge soon.  It might make for an interesting part two of this post.  Or not.

Liklik gives us a little tip for cooling down after all his hard work: soak yourself with the water hose. So simple and yet so effective.

Happy Mowing People!

 

The Arcane Art of Making Your Own PSAs

Hey kids! It’s time to give some (most? all?) of you a quick and dirty HOW-TO on making your own Public Service Announcements, Station IDs, Inane Commercials, whatever.

Firstly, this HOW-TO applies to Windows 7 and later versions of operating systems (there are RUMORS it works for XP and Vista, I have no direct knowledge of this). I have no idea if this stuff will work with Windows 98SE or Unix or Cheetah or any of that Apple Crapple. Also, I don’t care if it works for these operating systems. Ask your minister or therapist for guidance in this area.

You will need a free application called Balabolka. “Balabolka” (bal-ah-bowl-ka) is Russian for someone who likes to chat constantly. Balabolka is a 32 bit application, and that will be important later on in this thrilling saga.

Balabolka works with any installed Microsoft TTS voices already on your system. (Okay, let’s take a short detour here. There are a LOT of handicap accessibility features already built into Windows. You probably have no idea they are there because you can see, you can hear, you can talk, etc. TTS is short for Text To Speech. Windows has a built in capacity to read the contents of numerous types of files to a user who may have difficulty reading or even seeing the screen. In other words, you already have at least one TTS voice on your machine. Poke around in the Accessibility Features of Windows one rainy afternoon; you will be very impressed at what is built right in to the operating system to help people with sight and hearing issues use a PC) If you have further questions about the ins and outs of how Balaboka hooks into the TTS voices and what sort of options you have, go here.

At some point, you may want to add a different voice to the voice library. This is easily done by searching the web for something along the lines of “free text to speech voices windows I am too cheap to buy shit” or something similar. Be SURE to use 32 bit compatible voices (see? I told you that 32 bit business would be important).

The Balabolka interface is pretty straight forward. Open the application and you will see the usual menu bars and assorted means of sorcery in the top part of the window. The bottom half of the window is a big open space just begging you to write something witty, inspirational, incisive and provocative. Balabolka has a bunch of BUTTONS, knobs, sliders and valves for controlling the speed, volume, and pitch of the TTS voice in use, it gives you the ability to alter pronunciation of particular words, it will also let you preview all or part of any Balabolka script you are creating from scratch.

After you have your Balabolka script typed up the way you like it and you are fairly happy with how the TTS voice reads it aloud, record it using an audio editor. A really really really good audio editor that is free is called Audacity. Audacity has been around forever. It is well supported and under constant development (that means someone fixes shit that is broken), it also has a broad user base (that means you can generally ask a question in most any random gathering about how to do something in Audacity and someone will actually have the right answer). Audacity will allow you to get rid of annoying stuff like large pauses between spoken phrases. It also allows you to further refine the TTS voice by applying filters (reverb, echo, vocal enhancement, faux stereo, equalizer…. the list of things you can do with Audacity is quite lengthy, BUT (and this is important) you do not have to use any of that stuff. You can play around with the effects to your heart’s content and as long as you don’t save the file, you can always go back to the original starting point.

Any audio editor will suffice (Adobe Audition aka Cool Edit, Sound Forge, GoldWave, etc). I used Audacity as the example because it is free, it is proven, and it is well supported.

Once you have finished your audio editing, save the file as .mp3, .flac, .wav, whatever your audio player likes to stream. Name the file something that you can identify by looking at the name. PSA1, PSA2, PSA3, etc are not too good because after you get to PSA64, you may not remember what the hell PSA14 actually says. Name them something along the lines of “Dumbass Fake Commercial for Long Life Dildo Batteries” – a file name that actually has bearing on the content of the file. You will then want to listen to your project via your regular audio player software and normalize the volume if needed.

That’s it. All done. Now you are truly dangerous.

Did Yetta get her drug card?

I do believe this blog is being read by someone other than HandsomeMork and myself.  I’ve witnessed what I believe is a 70 year old woman who might have gotten her buffoonery drug card.

I don’t know if this makes me happy that people are reading this blog or sad that someone might have taken my joke about the buffoonery drug card seriously.

This lady, Yetta, claims to be 70 years old and I must give her beauty regimen applause.  I think she looks great for 70.  Many people at 70 are full of wrinkles and health issues.  This lady isn’t even wearing glasses while looking at her computer screen! I digress. Yetta is in prime time for coke according to my buffoonery post!  I would love to see her riding her bike or skateboard around town as she isn’t allowed to have a vehicle according to the buffoonery drug card rules.

This video (in its entirety) is the rambling of a lady claiming she’s being sued.  I can not confirm or deny she is being sued. I do not care. While I was watching her she kept saying the words “dummy dick” and calling someone “dummy dick”.  I found it odd that a woman in her 70s doesn’t know how to properly curse.  I imagine her on the playground with a bunch of  5 year-olds and them all calling one another dummy dick, dummy cunt, and many other silly things.

 

 

I included this video because I like her singing.

 

I’ve been Bamboozled!

It’s not often I go to Vaughnlive.tv, a social broadcasting site, but last night I was in for a little surprise and ended up bamboozled!

Vaughnlive.tv (Vaughn) was the second broadcasting site I had ever visited, after JustinTV(JTV).  A friend I met from JTV introduced me to Vaughn after JTV closed down.  I was relatively new to JTV so when it closed unexpectedly it was no surprise or disappointment to me.  I frequented Vaughn for a while and moved on, like many other viewers have.  I suggest you ask HandsomeMork to explain why people move on from Vaughn if you would like more information on that subject.  I do visit Vaughn from time to time to see who might be broadcasting and I am usually disappointed, as there are no casters that I desire to watch.

Last night I wanted to be entertained so I visited all my normal sites to see if there was someone who, I felt, would entertain me.  To be honest, I needed something to blog about. After visiting the broadcasting sites I frequent, I wasn’t satisfied with what they had to offer; I visited Vaughn and behold a pink haired lady casting.  This should be a little interesting and I haven’t seen her before so why not visit her page.  I entered to see one of the most peculiar looking woman that I’ve seen before. I entered Michelle My Bell’s room; I assume the pink haired woman is Michelle, but we all know what happens when I make assumptions.  (I make an ass out of you and me….)  This woman did have pink hair, obviously a wig, but it appeared to be a newer wig and in better shape than some of the other wigs I’ve seen on broadcasting sites.  She appeared to need some maintenance on her upper lip.  I find this embarrassing for women who need beauty maintenance on their face.  I’ve always wondered why friends of  women in need of maintenance don’t tell them they need maintenance. I digress. This woman needed a severe waxing on her upper lip and I felt bad for her.  Michelle was wearing a cookie monster shirt which covered her very large yabos.  Did I mention very large? Wow!  Michelle had a lower voice than I expected and after watching her for a few minutes I realized this was no woman.  I had been bamboozled!  This was a man!  This man was dressing as a woman!  (I just bamboozled you into thinking I thought this was a woman the whole time.)

This man, or Michelle if she prefers, was seemingly having a good time and I did find it entertaining so I continued to watch.  As I watched it made me think about the transgender issues that are ongoing in our society at this moment.  I remembered watching Tootsie as a kid; it didn’t seem to spark a big debate.  I was a kid and debates about those types of things weren’t discussed with me or around my house to my knowledge.  Remember I was locked in the basement for 15 years, my opinions were not coveted.   I recall learning in school men would dress as women in the 1800’s during Shakespearean plays. (Yes, there was schooling in the basement.)  I wonder if there were whispers about those men who dressed up as women back in the 1800’s.  I did have to google a couple of things regarding transgender or “drag” to write this post.  Wikipedia had some good information, in my opinion, on the subject of drag and the history of it.  It turns out there were lots of movies that had men dressing up as women that I hadn’t noticed over the years, such as one of my favorite Christmas movies, White Christmas.  I had seen this before Tootsie and it never crossed my mind that this might be a ‘bad’ thing.

As I watched Michelle and thought about Tootsie and White Christmas,  I noticed a guest type in chat they were offended by Michelle.  Which leads me to say this: I am not going to enter a political war about transgender.  I have my opinions and you have yours.  Sometimes I miss the cellar and the protection it provided from political nonsense.

I also found myself wondering why would someone want to wear a bra?  I can’t wait to get mine off when I get home as do most women I think.