Allow me to translate.

The Actual Terms of Service for Vaughn Live

1. You must be at least 18 years of age to have an account. If you have a youthful appearance you will ultimately be banned because the actual site owner hates being reminded of her age.

2. Streams may not contain film, video, pictures, etc. of persons under 18 unless you are a friend of Mark Vaughn.

3. Nudity is not permitted, unless it’s late and you’re really hot, in which case D****L will make sure you stay on until he is…. finished. Nudity is allowed and constantly available in the Miscellaneous section.

4. We appreciate broadcasters who go Total FUBAR on drugs because that brings us viewers.

5. We appreciate broadcasters who say totally outrageous shit. That also brings us viewers.

6. For some inane reason there is a rule about showing your ass… because apparently Rule 3 just wasn’t good enough?

7. You large breasted women can’t flaunt your gifts on camera unless your name is Gamer Girl.

8. The Amrita Rule: no rubber dicks because it makes the actual site owner get itchy “down there”.

9. The “Any Way the Wind Blows” Rule: People who have been banned may/may not be allowed to be heard, seen, or mentioned on someone else’s broadcast. It all just depends on how the actual site owner is feeling at that exact moment. Ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances.

10. The People category is for use by whoever the actual site owner feels it should be used by. You were forbidden to play games there until the actual site owner’s son decided he wanted to show off his elite minecraft skills there. It was just fine to have a black screen until the actual site owner turned on Bubbaganoosh, now black screens are right out. Play this one by ear, people.

11. Rule 11 exists because they ran out of room in Rule 10. Seriously.

12. The DMCA Safe Harbor disclaimer: Whatever YOU show is ON YOU. That’s how the law works, despite what some folks fervently wish to believe.

13. YOU MUST, AT ALL TIMES, KISS THE ASS OF THE ACTUAL SITE OWNER (hereinafter referred to as Miss Scruffy) TO USE THIS WEBSITE. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY RULE 13 WILL LEAD TO AN IMMEDIATE SITE BAN.

Here’s the deal, boys and girls: eventually, Miss Scruffy will turn on everyone with the single exception of her son. Do not ever underestimate or discount this. She has successfully fostered a mindset of “us against the world” in the psyche of her precious man-child and it is far, far too late to fix or repair the damage she has done. And she likes that just fine.

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