“I’m melting! Oh what a world”

(Credit for screen cap and original story to UKMuppets)

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! You cursed brat! Oh what a world, what a world. Who could have thought that some little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness.”

A very dramatic scene it was, our young heroine from Kansas dousing the evil wicked witch with a handy bucket of water and removing her from the Land of Oz. I leave it to the reader to ponder the wisdom of the witch, leaving buckets of water scattered around where any young wench could wield them in so devastating a fashion.

In a similar dramatic vein, the Actual Owner of The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet has seen fit to announce her imminent departure from her very own Land of Oz. Let me just go right on ahead and toss my opinion of her post in the chat right here: it’s BULLSHIT. Everything this woman has ever done or ever said on that crap website of hers has been a lie. I see no reason to view this any differently.

The Queen of Mercury had her employee (Goutboy, the world’s greatest coding genius) turn off guest chat, thereby lowering the number of viewers that would parade through her channels (and they are HER channels, every last goddamned one of them) seeking to curry favor with her, kow-towing, kissing her cellulite mottled ass cheeks and generally demonstrating their spinelessness. So what does a drama queen do when the audience begins to get thin? The drama queen goes over the top.

“I am dying”

From a philosophical and linguistic vantage point, everything begins to die from the moment of its creation, but I will bet my last pair of socks that is not what this vile and loathsome woman is trying to make people think. This is a ploy, a stunt, another in a very long line of scams being run out by a self-confessed troll who is looking to shock and then elicit sympathy from the pathetic imbeciles that still use that pig sty of a web site.

“I am dying”

No where near fast enough.

Battlecam

So apparently the one true sewer of social broadcasting has disappeared from the internet and conflicting stories are flying fast and furious.

Battlecam simply is “not” right now. No pages will load, no word on their fakebook or twitter sites as to their status, nothing but rumors and a bunch of assholes on Tinychat all trying to talk over one another. Finding out any factual information right now is an almost Herculean task, but I will share with you what I have HEARD, making it very clear that this is all unsubstantiated noise from various corners of the internet.

Rumor One: Battlecam is done. It’s gone the way of Yahoo Live, BlogTV, JTV, etc. If this rumor does turn out to be true, then some exceptionally nasty internet psychos will be looking around for a new site to spew their seemingly limitless supply of bile at anyone who stumbles across them. Whether you loved Battlecam or hated it, it did serve the function of zookeeper for some very wild animals.

Rumor Two: Battlecam is undergoing a total renovation. The software is being totally re-written to be HTML5 compliant, and the BC ownership is contracting with a new company for improved server support. In other words, Battlecam 2.0 will be rolling out and it will run better than ever due to upgrades to all facets of its construction. I liken this to brand new federally funded housing projects: “Look Martha, brand new slums! Aren’t they nice?”

Rumor Three: Battlecam is down, Goutboy is offering Hairy Ballsack (or however he spells his name) a position on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile Of Horseshit On The Internet a position as an administrator. This one is just laugh-out-loud funny. Mommy will never allow anyone she isn’t breast feeding to have any sort of authority on her website.

So in summary, this is what I DON’T know. Time will tell.

Stupid or Liars? Stupid Liars?

A certain web site that recently disabled guest chat is getting some feedback.

Several broadcasters have simply disappeared from the site, which leads me to think they have voted with their feet and moved on to other websites. All I can say to them is WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG? Oh well, better late than never.

Certain other broadcasters are continuing to brown nose Goutboy and his mercury exuding mother. Most of their postings concerning the removal of guest chat consist of a variation on a single theme: “Thank you so very much, Goutboy, for cutting off guest chat so I no longer have to deal with all those awful trolls.” This is great except for one small, tiny, miniscule problem. The ability to cut off guest chat was ALWAYS there. Every single broadcaster has always been able to simply cut it off.

So this means that either the brown nosers are so fucking stupid they were unaware of the chat control options they had available to them (very doubtful) or they are lying through their unbrushed, nicotine stained teeth. It is entirely possible that in a couple of cases, they are doing both (lookin’ at a retard from the PNW).

There is a third possibility that cannot be entirely discounted. Goutboy and his mother, the Queen of Mercury, are both serial sock-puppeteers. I would be totally unsurprised to find out all of the alleged positive feedback is coming from Columbia, Tennessee. It’s exactly the sort of thing they would do.

Dissection (ZOMG, this is a long post)

I would like to parse Goutboy’s post on his blog regarding the end of guest chat on his mother’s website, the one he advertises as being “Possibly the Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet”.

Guest chat and Vaughn Live

After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them.

Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community.

RIP guest chat 2011-2018

Guest chat will be disabled across all VaughnSoft sites in the next 24 hours.

First sentence: After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. “We” in this instance means that his mother (the person who actually owns and pays for the website) has decided and Goutboy has run out of steam to argue with her. Those of you who have been following the misadventures of the Tennessee Internet Tycoons know exactly whereof I speak. It also bears mentioning (and Goutboy will mention it very shortly) that guest chat is/was a feature that could be turned off by a channel owner, so what is actually being retired is the channel owner’s choice of having guest chat. This is a direct result of the site owner’s psychotic need for absolute control over every detail of every channel on her website. Once again, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention to her antics over the years.

Second sentence: At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. In fact, the owner of the website had been declaring repeatedly in the chats that she invades that she wanted guest chat cut off for quite some time now. Apparently Goutboy was summoning up what tiny amount of testicular fortitude he had and was resisting her decree. That little family power struggle is over, and to the surprise of exactly no one, mommy wins. The phrase “this point in time” makes it seem like Goutboy woke up on Christmas Day with an epiphany regarding how social interaction should work on his mother’s website and is now acting upon it. That simply is not the case.

Now I have to admit, in the interest of full disclosure, when I read “the vision we have for the site” I fucking nearly choked on my chicken noodle soup. Sweet Jesus, who knew Goutboy was such a comedian? If there is one thing that site has exactly nothing of, it is vision. The diseased duo who run that place have bounced around from notion to notion much like a schizophrenic shop lifting  break dancer surrounded by an LAPD SWAT team with tasers. They have no long term plans, goals, schemes or strategies. Based on what I have observed, the only “vision” I think they actually had was one of “let’s slowly go broke and hope some idiot buys this place”. I do believe that particular window closed some time ago.

Third sentence: Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. This one is simply a lie from start to finish. Guest chat is and always has been the anonymous way of saying what you wish to say, regardless of your motivations. Trolling has been an integral part of social broadcasting before the phrase “social broadcasting” was even thought of. What the fuck does “fun way” even mean? Who was it fun for? Was it fun for the broadcaster? If so, how? Goutboy says guest chat was a “fun way” and he says it was “quick”.

This implication that guest chat is a somehow quicker form of interaction does not stand up to scrutiny at all. If a user has an account on this crap site, they are automagically logged in and can post whatever drivel they type every bit as fast as a user who is not logged in. The idea that guest chat is “quick” and “fun” is a total canard, which is very much what Goutboy and his mother do. They lie.

And then we come to this absolute gem: “in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling”. If by “recent”, you mean the War of 1812, then yeah. It has also become “a tool”. Being a tool is something Goutboy knows a great deal about, so I shall defer to his years of experience and expertise. “Malicious trolling” is easily defined in the context of this post. It means you are saying bad things about the woman that owns the website or any of her ass-kissers. Goutboy and his mother NEVER lifted a finger when people were trolling the shit out of alcoholic mother-beaters from New Jersey or toothless Canadian sister fondlers, but if you called out some other folks for hypocrisy and double standards, your account (assuming you were using it) was about to get shut down. Gee… it makes one wonder why people were using guest chat and VPNs (and let’s make no mistake about this, VPNs are why guest chat is getting closed. Goutboy can’t deal with them).

Sentence four: While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. Firstly, the “off by default” was a fairly recent development, and that was Goutboy trying to compromise with his overbearing mother, who wanted guest chat shut down entirely due to her inability to control it. The miscreant broadcasters who were cutting guest chat on were the broadcasters who make social broadcasting entertaining, they were inviting the unwashed riff-raff hoi polloi commoners to have their say. In a literal sense, the guests were the salt that seasons the stew that is chat. Sure, you can add too much salt, but next time you know better. That is called “learning from experience”. If a particular guest is being especially annoying, such as that obese imbecile named Johnny Cardinal, you just ban his ass or have one of your moderators on standby to watch for his pathetic posts. The phrase “not moderate their chat at all” is also easily defined, it means you were not censoring posts that the Queen of Mercury did not want to read. It’s all about her, people. It’s ALWAYS all about her.

Sentence five: And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them. Here we have another lie to close out the first paragraph. “New broadcasters”… From what I have seen, unicorns are more plentiful than “new broadcasters” on that site. Goutboy, you and your mommy have killed your site. No one uses it due to your mother’s contagious level of mercury poisoning. Let me pose a scenario to you, oh reader. Exactly who is pushing these new broadcasters to open guest chat if guest chat is off? It must be registered users, because they are the only people who can post. Is it possible that these registered users are acting as agents-provocateur for a certain vile, overbearing woman who has an agenda regarding guest chat? Ponder that while I shake my head at Goutboy’s absurd assertion that a broadcaster is going to enable guest chat so they can be “hatefully trolled”. Yep, that’s what he says. Read it for yourself. At this point, one has to wonder if Goutboy sincerely believes his user base is so stupid to swallow this immense load of crap? Does Goutboy actually think that these “new users” are turning on guest chat so people can call them names and tell them to put a shoe on their head?

Sentence six: Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. Now we get a left handed admission of defeat. Goutboy is beaten. He can’t stop the folks using VPNs from getting on to his site. I am talking people who are madly skilled, such as Johnny Cardinal and Patrickva, people of true genius. Goutboy, please share with us, how does it feel to be beaten by such indomitable foes? Goutboy has hoisted the white flag of surrender (and France) and has given up the fight.

Sentence seven: You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. AND NOW WE COME DOWN TO IT. As Cocoa stated in her post, this is all about generating new accounts, thereby inflating the numbers of his user base in the hopes of making this site more attractive to a potential purchaser. Goutboy is telling all his trolls that they must sit by helplessly, watching all the delicious chat roll by (except so far, there doesn’t seem to be any… could it be that another of Goutboy’s schemes will not work?) and the only way you can get a word in is to…. make an account (on top of the 30 to 50 you already have). Goutboy stated in several of his town halls from long ago that once the site came out of beta, users would be able to delete their accounts. It didn’t happen; it was just another in a very long string of lies that fell out of his rotund, thick lipped face.

Sentence eight: This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community. Well now, this remains to be seen. First off, let’s be clear that by “the site”, we are talking about one person, and that would be the Queen of Mercury, Goutboy’s mother. “Wish to harm it and its community” means not bowing down and kissing her ass every single moment you are logged in to any social media site, and hell yes, that includes facebook, reddit, twitter, whatever.

Goutboy will focus his time on honing his Minecraft skills. Goutboy’s mother… well I suspect in the long run she isn’t going to like this change as much as she thinks she is. It will be increasingly difficult for her to demonstrate her authority with no guests to talk trash to and then ban. Given her need to exercise authority, I predict that we will see “Chat Cannibalism” take place, whereby she will begin to ban those who fail to be obsequious enough to suit her momentary whims and moods. In other words, you will see a sort of North Korean style slow motion purge take place on the site until only the (terrified) true faithful remain, each and every one of them wondering upon whom the axe will now fall, because surely it will fall. It could not happen to a finer group of people.

Happy New Year. This is gonna be GREAT to watch.

2018 Brings Change

Happy New Year everyone!  People usually think about the past and how the new year will be a better year.  Some people use the new year as a ‘reset’ if you will, a time to break bad habits and form new ones.  Some people see it as just another day.  The only difference for me will be rewriting or typing 2018 instead of 2017.  (Yes, I just typed 2017 then had to backspace to change it to 2018.  I digress.)

Vaughnlive.tv is on the “new year new beginnings” route.  They have decided to remove guest chat.  I wonder if this will save them a little money and that is why the change.  After very little thought I’ve concluded they need more “new accounts” as trolls can create many of them. I’m assume with the site dwindling the number of new accounts hasn’t grown.  Whatever the case, say goodbye to guest chat friends.

Click here and read for yourself.

Happy New Year!