Dissection (ZOMG, this is a long post)

I would like to parse Goutboy’s post on his blog regarding the end of guest chat on his mother’s website, the one he advertises as being “Possibly the Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet”.

Guest chat and Vaughn Live

After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them.

Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community.

RIP guest chat 2011-2018

Guest chat will be disabled across all VaughnSoft sites in the next 24 hours.

First sentence: After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. “We” in this instance means that his mother (the person who actually owns and pays for the website) has decided and Goutboy has run out of steam to argue with her. Those of you who have been following the misadventures of the Tennessee Internet Tycoons know exactly whereof I speak. It also bears mentioning (and Goutboy will mention it very shortly) that guest chat is/was a feature that could be turned off by a channel owner, so what is actually being retired is the channel owner’s choice of having guest chat. This is a direct result of the site owner’s psychotic need for absolute control over every detail of every channel on her website. Once again, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention to her antics over the years.

Second sentence: At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. In fact, the owner of the website had been declaring repeatedly in the chats that she invades that she wanted guest chat cut off for quite some time now. Apparently Goutboy was summoning up what tiny amount of testicular fortitude he had and was resisting her decree. That little family power struggle is over, and to the surprise of exactly no one, mommy wins. The phrase “this point in time” makes it seem like Goutboy woke up on Christmas Day with an epiphany regarding how social interaction should work on his mother’s website and is now acting upon it. That simply is not the case.

Now I have to admit, in the interest of full disclosure, when I read “the vision we have for the site” I fucking nearly choked on my chicken noodle soup. Sweet Jesus, who knew Goutboy was such a comedian? If there is one thing that site has exactly nothing of, it is vision. The diseased duo who run that place have bounced around from notion to notion much like a schizophrenic shop lifting  break dancer surrounded by an LAPD SWAT team with tasers. They have no long term plans, goals, schemes or strategies. Based on what I have observed, the only “vision” I think they actually had was one of “let’s slowly go broke and hope some idiot buys this place”. I do believe that particular window closed some time ago.

Third sentence: Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. This one is simply a lie from start to finish. Guest chat is and always has been the anonymous way of saying what you wish to say, regardless of your motivations. Trolling has been an integral part of social broadcasting before the phrase “social broadcasting” was even thought of. What the fuck does “fun way” even mean? Who was it fun for? Was it fun for the broadcaster? If so, how? Goutboy says guest chat was a “fun way” and he says it was “quick”.

This implication that guest chat is a somehow quicker form of interaction does not stand up to scrutiny at all. If a user has an account on this crap site, they are automagically logged in and can post whatever drivel they type every bit as fast as a user who is not logged in. The idea that guest chat is “quick” and “fun” is a total canard, which is very much what Goutboy and his mother do. They lie.

And then we come to this absolute gem: “in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling”. If by “recent”, you mean the War of 1812, then yeah. It has also become “a tool”. Being a tool is something Goutboy knows a great deal about, so I shall defer to his years of experience and expertise. “Malicious trolling” is easily defined in the context of this post. It means you are saying bad things about the woman that owns the website or any of her ass-kissers. Goutboy and his mother NEVER lifted a finger when people were trolling the shit out of alcoholic mother-beaters from New Jersey or toothless Canadian sister fondlers, but if you called out some other folks for hypocrisy and double standards, your account (assuming you were using it) was about to get shut down. Gee… it makes one wonder why people were using guest chat and VPNs (and let’s make no mistake about this, VPNs are why guest chat is getting closed. Goutboy can’t deal with them).

Sentence four: While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. Firstly, the “off by default” was a fairly recent development, and that was Goutboy trying to compromise with his overbearing mother, who wanted guest chat shut down entirely due to her inability to control it. The miscreant broadcasters who were cutting guest chat on were the broadcasters who make social broadcasting entertaining, they were inviting the unwashed riff-raff hoi polloi commoners to have their say. In a literal sense, the guests were the salt that seasons the stew that is chat. Sure, you can add too much salt, but next time you know better. That is called “learning from experience”. If a particular guest is being especially annoying, such as that obese imbecile named Johnny Cardinal, you just ban his ass or have one of your moderators on standby to watch for his pathetic posts. The phrase “not moderate their chat at all” is also easily defined, it means you were not censoring posts that the Queen of Mercury did not want to read. It’s all about her, people. It’s ALWAYS all about her.

Sentence five: And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them. Here we have another lie to close out the first paragraph. “New broadcasters”… From what I have seen, unicorns are more plentiful than “new broadcasters” on that site. Goutboy, you and your mommy have killed your site. No one uses it due to your mother’s contagious level of mercury poisoning. Let me pose a scenario to you, oh reader. Exactly who is pushing these new broadcasters to open guest chat if guest chat is off? It must be registered users, because they are the only people who can post. Is it possible that these registered users are acting as agents-provocateur for a certain vile, overbearing woman who has an agenda regarding guest chat? Ponder that while I shake my head at Goutboy’s absurd assertion that a broadcaster is going to enable guest chat so they can be “hatefully trolled”. Yep, that’s what he says. Read it for yourself. At this point, one has to wonder if Goutboy sincerely believes his user base is so stupid to swallow this immense load of crap? Does Goutboy actually think that these “new users” are turning on guest chat so people can call them names and tell them to put a shoe on their head?

Sentence six: Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. Now we get a left handed admission of defeat. Goutboy is beaten. He can’t stop the folks using VPNs from getting on to his site. I am talking people who are madly skilled, such as Johnny Cardinal and Patrickva, people of true genius. Goutboy, please share with us, how does it feel to be beaten by such indomitable foes? Goutboy has hoisted the white flag of surrender (and France) and has given up the fight.

Sentence seven: You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. AND NOW WE COME DOWN TO IT. As Cocoa stated in her post, this is all about generating new accounts, thereby inflating the numbers of his user base in the hopes of making this site more attractive to a potential purchaser. Goutboy is telling all his trolls that they must sit by helplessly, watching all the delicious chat roll by (except so far, there doesn’t seem to be any… could it be that another of Goutboy’s schemes will not work?) and the only way you can get a word in is to…. make an account (on top of the 30 to 50 you already have). Goutboy stated in several of his town halls from long ago that once the site came out of beta, users would be able to delete their accounts. It didn’t happen; it was just another in a very long string of lies that fell out of his rotund, thick lipped face.

Sentence eight: This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community. Well now, this remains to be seen. First off, let’s be clear that by “the site”, we are talking about one person, and that would be the Queen of Mercury, Goutboy’s mother. “Wish to harm it and its community” means not bowing down and kissing her ass every single moment you are logged in to any social media site, and hell yes, that includes facebook, reddit, twitter, whatever.

Goutboy will focus his time on honing his Minecraft skills. Goutboy’s mother… well I suspect in the long run she isn’t going to like this change as much as she thinks she is. It will be increasingly difficult for her to demonstrate her authority with no guests to talk trash to and then ban. Given her need to exercise authority, I predict that we will see “Chat Cannibalism” take place, whereby she will begin to ban those who fail to be obsequious enough to suit her momentary whims and moods. In other words, you will see a sort of North Korean style slow motion purge take place on the site until only the (terrified) true faithful remain, each and every one of them wondering upon whom the axe will now fall, because surely it will fall. It could not happen to a finer group of people.

Happy New Year. This is gonna be GREAT to watch.

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