Today I am successful.

There are a few things I do well and a lot of things I don’t.  Today was a success in my book. I usually think I fail at living, after reflecting on this, I am currently breathing and my heart is pumping  which means I do not fail at living.

Home improvement on the other hand is something I’m generally not good at. With my current state of mind of reducing my carbon footprint on the planet I decided to go green, well yellow.  ( I will explain later.)  For those of you who don’t know I’m a bit of a hairy beast.  I also have thing one and thing two that are also hairy beasts.  We all use the shower/bathtub, which means the drain gets clogged regularly.  This week, or the past 5 but who is counting, the bathtub drain has been clogged and today was the day I battled it out with the hairy beast below the bathtub.

Usually I would purchase a bottle of Draino pour it down the drain, impatiently wait the 15-30 minutes as recommended by the directions, and flush with water until the clog was washed away. When I tell people I do this I’m always told how terrible the bottle of chemicals are for my pipes and no one ever seems to care that I’m dumping a bottle of chemicals into the environment.  Today  I decided not to purchase the bottle of chemicals and go with something a little better for the environment.  I purchased the Cobra zip it drain cleaner which is very yellow.  I would have linked you to the website but I couldn’t find one for that particular brand so google it yourself if you must know what I am referring to.  This is a little plastic stick with little teeth sticking out of the bottom part of the stick.

I inspected the little stick a little more closely I felt like I had been dupped and had wasted my money.  How is this little piece of plastic going to do anything?  Won’t this get stuck in my drain?  These are just a few things I thought to myself.

Home improvement projects make me a little anxious for unknown reasons.  I took a deep breath and put on my rubber gloves.  Yes I have to hype myself up to face this slimy monster in my drain.  I thought of some slimy thing coming up out of the drain to get me.  Wait, where have I had that thought before?

That’s right Ghostbusters 2.  Laughing at myself I head to the bathroom, gloves donned and holding my little plastic sword ready to fight whatever evil hairy slimy monster that lurks in the bathtub drain.  I also am hoping this works and the little plastic sword doesn’t get stuck in the drain.  How embarrassing would that be having to call a plumber for that!  That would suck.

I started easing the plastic wand into the drain and surprisingly the little teeth were sharper than I expected. It went in easier than I expected. (I hear you snickering you dirty minded fuckers.)  I pulled it out and yes it was gross.  Grosser than I had anticipated.  I also didn’t anticipate that the hair was around the top of the drain. Also, it was not as much hair as I had expected.  With all that said, I did it!  I was so happy I did a little dance.  Beast thing one and two did a little dance too.

And no I didn’t get grossed out like in the following video.  Skip to a little before 1:00 because really who wants to hear all his talking.

UPDATE:  I must say this little gadget must work wonders as I haven’t had to use it again.  That or I punctured the drain pipe and my shower water is going to the downstairs apartment.  If that is the case, I’m ok with that as the man in 211 is a jerk and he deserves a leak in his apartment!

A Mixed Family

Well, yet another of my brother’s offspring is turning us into a Mixed family.

After multiple generations of soldiers on my father’s side of the family tree, my younger brother’s oldest son went off and joined the Marine Corps. I was able to take that in stride, because they do have some damn fine looking dress uniforms (not to mention Daniel had been dead set on joining the USMC since he was around 14 years old and never made a secret of it).

Now, Daniel’s youngest brother is doing something that leaves me aghast, bewildered, shocked, bamboozled, slick-jawed, dazed and in all other ways totally corn-fused. He is going to the University of Tennessee.

Now you just have to understand something here. All of us, every last one of us, went to NCSU. My brother, my wife, my kids, hell, I suspect my dog went to State. When you cut one of us, we bleed Wolfpack Red. And now, this young scallywag is going to Tennessee??

They say change is good. In any event, of course I wish him the very best. He is going to UT for a degree in aerospace engineering with an eye on USMC aviation when he gets out. True story: when he was but a wee lad, he was taken to Parris Island to attend his brother’s graduation from basic. Watching the recruit companies on the parade ground made quite the impression on him and he loudly announced that when he grew up, he was going to be a Marine. His mother looked down at him and said “Over my dead body.” I looked right at my brother and said “well, I guess he’s gonna be a Marine”.

Moms, NEVER tell your boys that can’t do something.

New law: Kansas cops can’t have sex during traffic stops

Yes, at last, police officers in Kansas are now legally prohibited from… well, let me just link to this:

http://www.kansas.com/news/politics-government/article210902319.html

From the article: The new law bans sexual relations “during the course of a traffic stop, a custodial interrogation, an interview in connection with an investigation, or while the law enforcement officer has such person detained.”

I know that I now feel much safer in the knowledge that I can travel to Kansas and not find myself handcuffed to a stair railing in some poorly lit back alley, my pants around my ankles while a demented civil servant gets his freak on using his night stick, a can of mace, and my booty. Well, at least not legally, although what that guy does on his off hours is totally up to him.

Apparently there actually was a Kansas City cop, Roger Golubski by name, who had a history of threatening the ladies of color of Kansas with the arrest of their relatives unless they gave up the goodies. As someone who once was an agent of the state, I must express more than a little surprise at this (along with a 55 gallon drum of disgust) because I know for a fact, cop groupies are a real thing and are not exactly shy. I am guessing Roger got off on the domination aspect of this more than the actual pussy.

 

Yeah. Teachers ought not to screw their students, cops shouldn’t dork people they have arrested, judges shouldn’t “go into chambers” with people on trial, etc., etc. It’s poor form to rely on your job to get laid – unless you’re Fred Garvin.

Good luck, Kansas. From now on when you get stopped for speeding on I-70, the only fucking you will get will be from your insurance company… the way it ought to be.

Should I wear the red shirt or blue shirt?

Has society become so bored in our everyday lives that we are willing to pick a fight over nothing?   Since when did society become so politically correct that having an opinion is offensive.  When do we ‘turn the other cheek’ these days?  Are you willing to shoot someone over a blue shirt?  These are some of the questions that run through my mind as I try to ignore the news while waiting for the traffic report.

A few weeks ago I was conversing with an Airman, who I will refer to as Sgt. Sexy.  If you ever need a piece of eye candy, please call Sgt Sexy.  He has a nice body and a brilliant mind.  I only put the brilliant mind part because he’s hot and I have no idea if he is smart but he reads this blog so I feel obligated to write that he is smart. He is no doubt smarter than me so lets roll with that. He is currently stationed out of the country and has seen a fair share of inflicted damage. Back to the point, I was conversing with Sgt Sexy regarding violence in the world and the fact that we don’t respect people’s opinions or even their rights to have a different opinion.

This happened just this past week.  Apparently Kanye West made some dumb comments. The next day a few people on the local radio station were saying they need to take away his kids, remove him from the birth certificate and remove him from the black race.  I must clarify that I believe what he said was dumb, and I think most people will agree with me, but I don’t believe he should not have the rights to being black, or having a child/children.  I honestly don’t know how many kids he has and I don’t care.  What if he had said something like “I hate the color green” and people said the same things over his hatred for the color green? I believe these people were more bothered by his jumping over to Trump’s side than the dumb comments about slavery, but whatever.  Do you believe society could hate someone over their hatred of a color like green?

The answer is yes.  There have been many people who have been injured or killed for wearing the wrong colors such as blue or red.  I own a blue shirt and a red shirt and when I put them on I find myself wondering if I will be killed over a 5 dollar shirt. It’s not just in America, others can’t wear red for whatever dumb reason like this one.  Would you be willing to kill someone over the color of their shirt or handbag?

Sgt. Sexy and I also discussed how some of these fights are down right dumb.  I told him I would need to google some of these things, because now I’m curious.  I thought about what dumb things I’ve fought about in my own life.  Yes, I have argued over toilet paper, I’m not proud of it.  I will continue to maintain that wasn’t my fault and it was also the breaking point of things that were boiling up for months.  Never the less, I argued over toilet paper.

I will say the war over a loose dog is pretty bad.  I know that couples fight over dumb things, such as toilet paper but the fight over imaginary money is pretty good too. After my google searching I realize it’s not today’s society that is dumb.  The human race is dumb.  We are just a bunch of hot heads running around being offended, ready for a good reason to tell someone off. As for killing over these things and peoples opinions I can’t do it.

Tell us in the comments what dumb thing you have fought over please!  I’m hoping someone can beat my toilet paper fight.