Dietary Tips

As a man of distinguished years (i.e., old), I have been exposed to numerous philosophies, world views, observations, anecdotes, witticisms and all manner of folk wisdom. In this current decade I made the acquaintance of a brilliant philosopher from the Great State of Texas who informed me of a TRUE FACT: All women are crazy and all men are stupid.

I mention this because last night, I proved the above axiom true, yet again. For supper, I had a large bowl of chocolate ice cream, many many handfuls of goldfish crackers and most of a container of bacon bits.

To say that my stomach became upset is a laughable understatement. Cramps, spasms, explosive emissions of the sonic and semi-solid nature, pain, regret, sorrow, strange and unnatural noises coming from my torso while a hyper boa constrictor wrestles a pack of rabid weasels for control of my colon, wishing for and then praying for a swift death to deliver me from my plight… yes, all this and more describes my evening.

In all honesty, a six year old left alone at home would probably make better dietary choices than I.

I am a man, ergo I am stupid.

2 comments on “Dietary Tips

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *