Black Friday Sucks

Black Friday, a dream to many, has turned into a disappointment for me.  Early this week I overheard some women planning their Black Friday strategies.  I laughed a little to myself thinking never again will I partake in the nonsense that is Black Friday.  Well, not in the early morning, fighting crowds way.

Way back when I was a kid, we learned about Black Friday and how it is good for the economy.  Now that I think about it, I think it was an opportunity to get our wish list to our parents.  Also I think the teachers needed to make their strategy and what better way to do it with a bunch of minds!  As a kid I never participated in Black Friday.  I’m not sure if my parents participated, but I was curious for many years how Mom ended up in jail with my cabbage patch kid.

In my 20s I did partake in Black Friday once.  I woke up extremely early to arrive at the store for the coveted 5am door buster gifts. On arrival at said store I found they had opened early and all those door busters were long gone. It was at this time that I realized I am a beta when it comes to shopping. It was also at this time that I realized I like to sleep and saving a few bucks wasn’t worth it.  I will say that I tried online shopping in my 20s too, but online shopping wasn’t as easy as it is now.  Dial up internet was a real struggle!

In my 30s I did a little more Black Friday shopping.  This time I went with an expert. She had Black Friday shopping down to a science.  She had what route we would take to get what gifts she wanted and the times it should take us to get to and from these items.  I didn’t really enjoy the craziness of it all, but in the end I really enjoyed fighting next to my family more than anything.  I mean when someone punches my family, you are going down! (And they did)   Now her daughters will have to wonder why their mom went to jail with their American Girl Dolls.  

Now that I’m considerably older I don’t partake in Black Friday nonsense at all.  The fact that retailers offer a few coveted name brand items for a small discount and a few more non-name brand items for a bigger discount doesn’t make me want to get up early at all!  Now I wake up, enjoy the quiet peaceful house and do some online shopping with a cup of coffee. If I need to go to the store or feel like shopping I make sure it’s after 10am and all the crazy people have gone back home.  I’m not interested in being around people to save a few bucks. I will say, the hype of Black Friday online isn’t that great too.  Amazon had a pencil sharpener on the Black Friday page. Really?  Who wants a pencil sharpener for Christmas? As I scrolled through the 32 pages of black Friday deals I found a bunch of nothing that I wanted to buy.  I ended up buying two items on Black Friday this year. How disappointing.  I wonder if Black Friday always sucked.

Goodness Gracious Great Balls of Hair!

During my escapades of traveling the world I found the perfect gadget for my furball problems. For those of you who are not familiar with me, I am a furry beast. I live with many furry beasts. Not the dress up like a furry animal for sexual delight kind of furry, rather we (myself and the creatures who live in this shack) are all very hairy.

Due to all the hair in this tenement I have already posted about a great gadget for my hair clogged drains. Today is about another little gadget for all the hair on my clothes! I didn’t realize how much hair was on my clothes and my laundry until I was using a hand towel in a hotel. I was using said towel and noticed I wasn’t dodging hair on the hand towel to put my contact lenses in. That’s when I realized the hair issue has gotten out of control in my shedio.

While in Malaysia I found this little product. I didn’t realize hair was such a global issue since that isn’t discussed on the world news. I guess the news doesn’t report everything and they really do focus on what they want to report (go figure). I don’t know the name of this product so I will call it “Hair Catching Thingy”. This gadget is some type of foam flower attached to a little net. It works with a top loader washing machine only. The foam flower floats around catching all the hair, miscellaneous trash, and anything else that floats on the top of the water while laundering. I know, you are wondering what trash is in my laundry. Hey when laundering fake money some of the paper isn’t the best and comes apart aka trash. I decided to test it out and my first few times weren’t successful.

I decided to see if it really works and put the dog’s blanket in the washer. I also put my laundry machine on a different setting as I have one of those new water saving laundry machines. I was able to get a little more water in the machine thus allowing the flower to float on the water. On a side note, I hate the water saving laundry machine.

Wow was that dog blanket full of hair! So I would say the product works if you have enough water to allow this gadget to float.

On a side note there are a few nifty things you should know about this product, not only does it catch hair but in the event of a flood, the little net will work as a fishing net. The fish will be little so you might have to catch 350 tiny fish in order to get a real meal. The warning label reads not to eat the foam with tide pods as it will become explosive in your smaller intestine. I’m not really sure how they concluded that it makes it to one’s small intestine before it explodes but I will not be experimenting with tide pods anytime soon. The warning also reads it is not a flotation device, instead in the event of a flooding emergency grab a lemon or lime.

The hair catcher 5000 comes in blue and pink. This is what it looks like. 


This is an example of it not working.  Only one hair!

Pleather

For some reason, It seems that Under Teleblunder likes to “fart into pleather”. I had to look up “pleather”, which seems to be the 21st century version of what us old folks used to call Naughahyde.

Now naughahyde was damned mysterious in and of itself back in the day. I have hunted many species of critter on the North American continent, but I had never heard of a Naugha; I assumed that it must have a splendid hide, so it was probably a domesticated animal, being raised on vast Naugha ranches, probably located in exotic locations, such as Wyoming or maybe the New Jersey Pine Barrens.

Some internet research reveals that “pleather” is a chemical product made from polyvinyl chloride. Yes, it is made from exactly the same stuff that all those white, gray, blue, green, black, etc. plumbing pipes are made from. And that was when the light came on: no wonder she farts into it, it’s her toilet drain pipe.

In other news, Cookie’s COTU has hit new heights, as she stormed out of Lizzy’s show because Lizzy wouldn’t cut guest chat off. Cookie has now announced (and channeled Miss Scruffy exceedingly well in the process) that she will no longer enter any channel that has guest chat on. The Grand Dame of Social Media stated that no rational broadcaster would ever consider doing a show with guest chat on. She seemed quite put out that just anyone could add to the conversation. She added that every guest was up to no good and they should just be banned. Of course, she was telling this to all the guests sitting in her channel watching her melt down.

But she is NOT mad.

Was it something I said?

Utter Telebutter has gotten big mad at me. I am talking full on screaming, howling, raving, barking at the moon mad. You see friends and neighbors, I am, in her own words, “less than an insect”, however I am also “very dangerous”. So dangerous that Fetta will now be leaving her tenement housing project via the garage. She has alerted the NYPD Internet Troll squad, the Federal IP Enforcement Unit, The Royal Canadian Mounted Packet Inspector Division and The Brooklyn Boy Scouts (can we still call them Boy Scouts?) of my presence on her channel and… boy do I feel sorry for whoever has to deal with her.

She has sworn a mighty oath, sealed by the Covenant of Moses (who she does in fact claim as an ancestor) that she will never again read a single word of this here useless blog, as it is beneath her notice, contempt, excrement, finger nail clippings, stained underwear… you name it.

I wish her well, but I fear that she will be unable to hold fast to her word. Below is a screen cap of November’s server logs – which is (at the moment of this writing) a bit less than 29 hours old.

83 Page views since yesterday

So good luck Yoda Telekubota. I will do what I can to help you avoid my miserable website which your immense, bloated ego has no further desire to see.

I get back to this…..

I must say I was a bit disappointed when she stated she bought a new toy and this was it.

I’ve been out of town, actually I’ve been stuck in a Guatemalan prison for reasons I can’t say at the moment. (When the press obtains the story I will give my story to Handsome Mork first then sell it to the press for one million dollars and attorney’s fees.)

I arrive back to Handsome Mork telling me that Cookie Lipshitz has actually found this blog. I couldn’t believe it, the blog has arrived (not really)! I checked out Cookie’s social media broadcast on Ivlog.tv tonight to hear her ramble on about bike lanes in New York City and thought of her in a police hat (it made me giggle), and then it happened. She mentioned the blog! Cookie, please, say the name of the blog, come on. If you are going to mention this blog, say the name of it. I would hate for others to think of a different blog, and they are out there aren’t they?

During my absence Handsome Mork wrote a post about revolver maps, which seems to be a widget to show where your IP address is physically located. Please see Handsome Mork’s post about revolver maps for all the details. It seems Cookie had revolver maps on her Ivlog page but due to a site policy change, no one on Ivlog is allowed to use IP trackers anymore. In the absence of said widget she bought herself a mini globe to tell her where all her viewers were viewing from. She also asked to have her photo taken so she can be on the blog. Ask and ye shall receive Cookie.