Hypochondriasis

I know we all fondly remember that day when Scruffy announced that her end was near, and yet… somehow, some way, she has managed to hang on, raging against the dying of the light, her brave and pure spirit refusing to be vanquished by the forces of Hashbrown’s Syndrome, mercury poisoning, botulism and terminal athlete’s foot.

So it was with no small amount of amusement that I encountered this absolute gem of a post by that amazingly insane woman on her website:

I CAN’T READ

Yes, the (actual) owner of The Biggest Steaming Pile Of Horseshit On The Internet can’t read, because she is allergic to paper and ink. Think about that for just a few minutes, dear readers. Marvel at the sheer, unadulterated audacity of that statement. Ponder the implications of being unable to tolerate the touch of paper or ink. Scruffy cannot touch money (which is bullshit of the purest ray serene), newspapers, most restaurant menus, her mail, toilet paper, kleenex, cash register receipts, instruction manuals, the wrappers on her McCheeseburgers, the labels on her many pill bottles, napkins, TV Guides, milk cartons, paper towels, or (and this is the worst) the wrappers on ice cream sandwiches.

I’m not going to bother addressing the entire “I can’t read books” bullshit, because damn near any book you would care to name can be obtained in digital format and viewed on a video display, be it a Kindle, a tablet, a PC monitor… hell, you can read a damn book on your phone. Now Scruffy, if you decide you are allergic to knowledge, that is something I would be inclined to agree with. Also, severe allergy to civility, honesty, integrity… you get the idea.

We can only hope.

2 comments on “Hypochondriasis

  1. CONGRATULATIONS! You have discovered… pretty much nothing? My user IDs aren’t exactly what I would think of as state secrets.

    I have lost count of the number of user IDs that I have used since I began do social broadcasting. Some folks attach great importance to their make-believe internet names, and some (such as myself) do not.

    In any event, congratulations, Ms Holmes. As an exercise, track down the other account names I am currently currently using on Ivlog alone.

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