A few pics say it all.
You won’t believe what they’ve done this time. On the other hand…
A few pics say it all.
Like many SENIOR Americans, I find online grocery shopping to be an unmitigated blessing. Today, I ordered my sustenance from the local Wal Mart and arrived at 11AM to pick my order up.
And older gentleman brings my order out and he is very interested in my car. He was surprised at the room available in the trunk (I should insert here that I drive a sixth generation Camaro, which is justifiably known for being parsimonious on interior space) and stated that he wanted to get one now that he was retired. He was very interested in my specific model, which is the SS with the big engine and the six speed manual transmission (manual transmissions are a BIG selling point for us grandfathers, we are amongst the last generation of drivers who had to know how to drive a manual, anyone younger than a 40 something likely has no idea how to make that car move an inch – which is just fine with us).
He said his biggest concern with getting one was the ability to get in and out of the car (and here, I quote him directly) “but when I saw you get out of it…” and then he trailed off, so I finished his sentence for him by saying if a fat bastard like me can get in and out, he will have no trouble at all. Then we shared the laugh of the old people, bid one another farewell and we went in our respective directions.
I must admit, I am pleased to be a role model to old fat guys in this great land of ours. I hope he gets his dream car, as I believe they will only be made for a couple of more years.
First, a quote from the settings page of an ivlog.tv channel:
“Stream Keys are available if you purchase a Pro Account. Please note, even if your Pro Account expires you will still be able to use your stream key.”
So I loaded up my streamkey and RTMP server information into OBS (I keep stream keys and server info in a text file because who the hell can remember all that shit? Not me.) and abso-fucking-loutely nothing happened. Apparently that bit about “even if your pro account expires” bullshit is exactly that, bullshit.
I can’t say that I am exactly shocked by this. In point of fact, I would have to say my expectations have been met. In all aspects of the operation of his site, he will never miss an opportunity to lie, cheat or steal. Good job, Cram! Consistency is the key to greatness, and you are, without a scintilla of doubt, one of the greatest assholes on the internet. I salute your ability to compete with Gout Boy and his Allergic-to-Everything Mother when it comes to being an asshat of the purest ray serene.
If true… then welcome to 2005, Cram. You have literally waited until the very last second to make your fucked up tiny little shithole site HTML5 compliant.
What I am thankful for:
Fucking 2020 is ALMOST over.
So we have
and in the opposite corner
Who needs the NFL when we have this?
Sponge Cake. What sort of sponges does one use? I’m here to tell you, I have tried five or six different brands of sponges (including that Mr Clean Magic Eraser thing, but isn’t EXACTLY a sponge, but it’s close) and they all tasted absolutely terrible.
If anyone can give me some tips on how to make an edible sponge cake, my neighbor’s dog will thank you.
And so we do it again…
Atlanta, Georgia. Drunk, passed out behind the wheel in a drive through line at a fast food restaurant. OF COURSE THE COPS WERE CALLED.
Cops show up and the drunk wants to fight two agents of the state who really would love to be somewhere else right now.
Because these agents of the state are not putting their all into the fight, the drunk grabs one officer’s taser and takes off for the hills.
Chase is given to the combative moron, who turns and fires the taser at his pursuer (oddly, the media didn’t seem to show that part of the bystander footage).
Having been fired upon… you’re dead.
This is so fucking simple that it defies credulity that this happens over and over and over again: DO NOT PUT YOURSELF IN A POSITION OF CONFLICT WITH THE COPS.
Steve Sailer sums it all up very nicely in one of his posts, the zeroeth amendment to the Constitution of the United States: Congress shall make no law requiring a black man to be arrested if he’s just not in the mood to be arrested.
Yeah… funny how this just keeps happening. Gonna be a long summer, I think.
“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” – Orson Welles
“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and—in spite of True Romance magazines—we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely—at least, not all the time—but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don’t see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.” – Hunter S. Thompson
“What kind of rat bastard psychotic would play that song- right now, at this moment?” – Hunter S. Thompson
As the song says:
I ain’t got nobody
Nobody, nobody cares for me, nobody, nobody
I’m so sad and lonely
Sad and lonely, sad and lonely
Oh Faroe, you silly boy, that simply isn’t true.
No one likes you on any platform. You are a nasty, vile piece of work all the way down to the dark and malodorous core of your being.
I am just gonna drop this here as a reference guide to people who are confounded by letters and numbers.
N series masks (N – NOT oil resistant)
R series masks (Resists oil)
P series masks (oil “Proof”)
That’s what the letters are about, and that’s all they are about – their ability to filter out oil based contaminates in the air.
95 series masks – removes 95% of particles 0.3 microns or larger
99 series masks – removes 99% of particles 0.3 microns or larger
100 series masks – removes 99.97% of particles 0.3 microns or larger (This is HEPA level filtration)
Right now, N-95 masks are probably on back order at your local drug store due to the Chinese War Virus of 2020. Keep in mind that masks are used by industries other than Health Care, and masks can be found in some places that may not occur to you at first blush. Also keep in mind that N-95 masks are the minimum recommended effective face mask. The 99s and 100s, the R series and P series will all work as well as an N-95, albeit at a slightly higher price.
Wash your hands and keep them away from your face. Old advice, but it’s still true.
d – o – n – e.
Finished. Over with. Kaput.
Let’s recap 2019.
On second thought, let’s not.
The BigFatManBaby from Denmark’s Lost Colony now makes his home on dlive.tv, at least as of this writing. Let’s take a look at how the King is doing, shall we?
Of special interest is the chat window:
While I was taking this screen shot, a user with a l337 name came in and stated that Faroe was, in his opinion, unfit to shine his shoes. Faroe reacted with his usual cheer and good humor by questioning his visitor’s parentage, sexual orientation, general intelligence and cognitive awareness. Methinks Faroe will be looking for a new home in fairly short order.
It is good to know that in our topsy-turvy universe, some things remain immutable constants.
There is an end to everything, to good things as well.
I like trolling stuffed shirts. I always have and I suspect I always will. Letting some air out of a human gasbag is fulfilling in a basic and fundamental way that just makes me feel good all down around my nether regions. It fills my bowels with happiness and joy, as Confucius probably didn’t say, but he should have.
I have been trolling certain individuals literally for years, going back across VL, BlogTV and YahooLive. I have determined that these certain individuals require trolling, much like a plant needs sunlight. Without regular and comprehensive trolling, they begin to wither and get boring, and if there is one thing I detest, it’s boring (except when I have to go see a doctor). So last week, while on my appointed rounds, I made an error. I was visiting one of my regulars and rattling their cage good and hard. I had looked at the chatter list and I saw a name that we all know and despise. This person is widely considered to be one of Cram’s anonymous site moderators and usually when I see that user ID, I just go one my way because it is better to run away and live to troll another day… but for reasons mysterious and inexplicable, I made a run right into the big, fat ego of my target and made them quite angry. Apologies were demanded, I responded with insults, then rage and angst were expressed, I responded with levity and yet more insults. All in all, a very happy troll session for myself and I left laughing when I got kicked from the channel.
The next morning, the bill came due. “Guest Access Denied” and my very own IP address attached thereto. That I was guest banned shortly after trolling a certain person while the ManBearPig was in the channel is unlikely to be a coincidence.
I have spoken to some of the OG of Ivlog, and they pretty say the same thing: You are now “half-banned” and you are going to be closely monitored until they can finish the job.
I agree with their assessment. I have seen other people lose guest access and invariably they are completely banned within a month or so. So this past Friday I did my final broadcast on the Ivlog. I will be missed by ones of people, but they know where to find me if they need a discount colonoscopy or an earwax scraping. I will still drop in once a week to watch one show done by an old friend, as I always log in for that show in any event. I suspect that show will now attract an “invisible viewer” on a regular basis, as I am certain she is quite eager to finish me off before her expiration date is reached.
So Jessica is being Jessica and Monkeysniffer suggested that Jessica should start taking some “EXTRA strength get smart pills” .. and being an Aged American (old geezer) I immediately thought of the Smart Drink episode of News Radio, which is WELL WORTH THE WATCH.
Some sites call them Operators. Some sites call them Moderators. Regardless of the title, asshats are gonna asshat, and you know I’m right. Two folks in particular have distinguished themselves recently in the realm of asshattery (asshatedness?) and they really deserve special mention for their round-the-clock devotion to being ill-natured douche bags.
Sm0keyjoint (the current spelling) is a well known buttmunch from the Frozen North who has an irrational fear and loathing of all things GuestNation. I have personally witnessed this obnoxious drug addict systematically clear out entire guest sections of chat rosters, and when asked why he did that, states “I don’t like guests.” So much for that “Canada Kind” myth, eh? If you enter any channel as a guest and this fugitive from a rehab center is a mod/operator, you are in between the rock and the hard place. Type something that he decides he doesn’t like and you are toast. Don’t type anything and… you are also toast. I can only assume that when Sm0key was a wee lad, a guest must have touched him in a bad place and now Smokey is getting his righteous vengeance. Or, he’s an asshole. I’m going with “He’s an asshole”.
The yin to Sm0key’s yang is that very special little lady, Sassy, also going under the ID of Moongirl. Now for a fact, Sassy’s life sucks. Sassy is not attractive, her personal life is well past the point of being in the toilet, it is now in the general area of the septic tank. She has no real prospects of things ever getting any better, AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT. Sassy (who I dubbed “the Mean Lady” after repeatedly being booted out of one particular channel by her over and over again) has a rather limited ability to recognize humor. By “limited”, what I really mean is she has no ability whatsoever. You can be talking to someone else in a chat box (in other words, an on-going conversation) and if she sees something that offends her pecksniff sensibilities, your conversation is now at an end. The idea that she might not be at the center of any and all conversations in a chat box is somehow alien to her. She’s pretty much a total bitch. She gets dis-invited from a fair number of channels and seems puzzled as to why.
Sadly, both of these cockgobblers are longtime veterans of the social broadcasting scene and they get modded up a fair amount. You can speak to channel owners about them, but you get this “I can’t really do anything about it because they are friends with X and Y and Z and if I de-mod them, then their friends just mod them back up and anyway I need to be popular with X, Y and Z so I just act like it doesn’t happen” response. The net result is that some channels that CAN be fun are driven into the realm of SUCK due to who is sitting in there watching the chat instead of watching the show.
Yeah, this has been an issue since Day 1, it won’t ever get any better (especially if a moderator can create more moderators, because that is a good description of how cancer works), and trolling the bejesus out of them is a pleasurable pastime.
Yetta has decided to immerse herself in the Adam & Jessica mutual respect and admiration society. This remarkable 180 degree about-face took a matter of seconds to perform. I was impressed enough to capture the moment, thereby preserving it for historians who study the subject of humans who can jump a fence so fast they actually run into themselves.
I love it, but I would never do it, except when I talk about it, and that was only once, and it has been continuously.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you YettaTelebenda, having her cake and eating it too.
A November to remember? Maybe.
Scuttles Monkeysniffer Blog did a pretty thorough nailing-of-the-hide of Adam to the barn door. Adam has been inflicting his fantasies on his viewers for a number of years (I have personally seen Adam claim to be a police officer, a highly paid club DJ, a 5-star chef and a Casanova Level Ladies Man), so it is only just, meet and proper that some reality should finally intrude into his on-air life. I am personally amused that Adam was described by a sitting judge as “intellectually challenged”. There you have it, Adam. You are now and forever more legally stupid.
Adam is not alone in being legally stupid. Perpetually troubled-imbecile-at-large JessicaWubsJesu is running around inciting drama as fast as her ever fattening ham-like legs can propel her. Much like Adam, she desperately desires to be “popular” and will do absolutely fucking ANYTHING to get there, only to fall flat on her face due to her innate limitations – which may just explain that amazingly large forehead of hers. Halfwits of Ivlog should be aware that Jessica will sell your ass out to anyone in a New York minute if she thinks it will shine a scintilla of limelight on her pudgy self. Anyone with a single lick of sense has long since placed her on ignore and banned her out of their channels. I am told via an UNNAMED SOURCE that she has gotten very much on the nerves of the Ivlog Staff & Management and they are quite tired of dealing with her shit.
Ivlog continues its struggles, now featuring chat disconnects around the clock for anyone and everyone, including channel owners. I was in Thumbtack’s channel and half of his audience, including Mr Tack, all disconnected at once. Well, I guess Ivlog has some teething issues, being a new site and all. Wait…..
The Halloween horror channels apparently did SO well on Ivlog that they are still with us. As of this afternoon (Nov 9) there are 3 (three) channels playing horror/slasher/monster movies. I am of a mind that the adage about less being more might apply here, but I also know you can lead a whore to water but you can’t make her think.
I am informed there will be no Vaughnmas this year. If this is true, this would be a break in a centuries old tradition. Perhaps Scruffy’s allergies now include tinsel, evergreen trees and eggnog. Her well known allergy to all things paper already precludes her from touching Hallmark cards, wrapping paper and Charmin. Perhaps Scuffy’s long awaited end will finally occur. Now that would be a Festivus Miracle.
So this is what I see when I try to enter any channel as a guest on Ivlog.
The IP showing in that error message isn’t my IP. Not even close, as they say in Horseshoe Tournaments. Logging in to my account and then logging back out does not rectify the issue.
So I leapt to my BatPhone and called a friend who lives in another part of this great nation of ours and requested that they log in to Ivlog, then log out of their account and try to enter a channel as a guest…
Oh my. Same error with a new and different INCORRECT IP address.
I suspect that this may have something to do with the recent server migration that occurred within the past couple of days on the Eye Vee log. I know that migration process laid waste to my ignore list (thanks, by the way for that neat little trick, now I get to ignore the same idiots alllllll over again).
In any event, what we see here is an erroneous error message: an error message that is in error. Neither myself nor the person enlisted to confirm this error message were logging in via phones, laptops, or any other portable devices. We were both hitting Ivlog from PCs, the same PCs we normally use to access the site, the same PCs that will let us into channels if we are logged in, but give us these stupid and incorrect error messages if we log out.
Ivlog sure seems to break a lot.
Yetta is back to being Yetta full time, so I must assume the celestial clocks are in harmony. She has re-re-re-re-bannzored myself and also clipped the wings of Cocoa Black, which means neither of us can now be regaled by tales of PS 52 and who was sitting 4 tables away at the fabulous new Bistro on 7th Avenue.
Alvaro got site bannzored from Ivlog and is no longer a player in the Game of Broadcasters. His blog is now just a chatbox due to non-payment of the monthly internet bill and he has surrendered said chatbox to Patty and Sean, who should be getting married soon. No word yet on which one will be the wife.
Moonboots has returned from his sojourn in the wilderness and now has an actual roof over his head. His furniture seems to consist of his folding camping chair, which can’t be very comfortable to sleep in.
The Scuttles Blog is rocking and rolling as the usual suspects make sure there is plenty of fresh content to write about (all you people have to do is NOT be crazy, but you just can’t seem to manage to do even that…).
Halloween is here, so the same movie channels will now show the same Halloween/Friday the 13th marathons they have been showing since the internet was called the Information Super Highway.
PreventedJimPenis seems to have settled in to VL. He occasionally walks through the door while PetMahKat is ‘casting on Ivlog and hurriedly backs out, NO SIGN OF HIM LEAVING PET’S HOUSE, EVER.
Speaking of no signs, there is no sign that Fathead Manbaby has learned anything from his numerous bannzorations, as he has been expelled from yet another broadcasting site for exactly the same reasons he has been banned from all the rest.
Boston Chickie has stated yet again (07:00 Eastern Time, October 8, 2019) that she is leaving Ivlog FOR-FUCKING-EVER, so I am guessing she will be back on most any minute now. Something is going on with her in real life, as she is easily set off by anything she even thinks might just possibly, maybe, sort of kinda be an aspersion on her character. Of course, that is straight up blood-in-the-water to the sharks that swim in the deep and murky waters of the internet.
I am certain there is other shit dancing on the fan blades that I am missing. I won’t even talk about Dani’s apparent new found internet paramour who appears to be from the land where they write in squiggly lines. Can you say “open bobs”? But I’m not going to talk about this… yet.
Happy Halloween, freaks.