You won’t believe what they’ve done this time. On the other hand…

Katie the turtle?

I have so many different things to say about this post… some funny, some mean, some serious but all I can really deliver to you is my opinion: Katiekaboom does look like a turtle.

Katiekaboom, a social broadcaster on Vaughnlive.tv, broadcast her astronomical womba-wombas the other night in efforts to “look pretty” as she stated.  I think she was looking for attention and viewers but I digress. Whatever the case may be I told a friend, “Hey check her out.”  My friend responded with ‘she looks like a turtle’ and all I could see after that was turtle with boobs.  You decide.

No I didn’t show the photo of her and her watermelons because I felt sad for her; she looked like she was in pain and I felt sorry for her.

 

If you want to see them go to UK Muppets, they have video.

 

 

Hurricane Irma Warning

Cherrybreeze, a social broadcaster on Vaughnlive.tv, has given valuable advice when faced with a hurricane.

Hurricanes and the destruction are no laughing matter.  If you haven’t seen the most recent devastation of hurricane Harvey then you might be living under a rock.  Most people remember hurricane Katrina and the havoc it created in New Orleans.  There have been many hurricanes in the past with as much wreckage as Katrina and Harvey, and there will be more in the future as that is the way the world works.

Recently I caught Cherrybreeze giving her opinions on the upcoming Hurricane Irma which is scheduled to hit the USA sometime next weekend. She believes Irma is to hit the USA this weekend, yesterday to be exact.

In light of my recent post, regarding the constant need to be reminded on how to adult,  I thought I would give her public service announcement more “air time.”

So remember, gather your photos, put them in your bra, and head to higher ground.  Men, you must put on a bra first, then gather your photos, put them in your bra, and then head to higher ground.

On a serious note (of course I’m going to have a serious note, hurricanes are not funny) please be prepared and take care of yourself and others if you are in the path of a hurricane.  There are many great websites on the internet, such as this one, if you are in need of real information on hurricane preparedness.

TOSsed or Not

I’ve said it before, it all depends on if the site owners like you or not if you get TOSsed.

A special thanks to a friend who sent these photos to me and who doesn’t like a friend that sends porn photos?  What better place to find porn than Vaughnlive.tv.  The site owners get mad at you if you broadcast it on their main page.  Apparently there were some high jinks on another area of the site and it went unnoticed, or the caster is friends with the owners.

 

I’m not sure why people are still shocked that there are special rules for special people.  This happens all the time in life.  Think about it, you know I’m right.  Stop getting butt hurt over it and enjoy some free porn with the safety of no computer virus.

Thanks friend!!

Do what you’re told, peasants.

The Actual Owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet was observed in her son’s channel demanding DEMANDING that the guests log in. Apparently guest chat is just too much for the rancid Queen of Mercury to bear. Anonymity is just fine for the Actual Owner of the site as she lurks and spies and trolls and posts leading remarks in the channels of customers users those idiots who use her site, but it is not permitted in her son’s channel, by god! Know your place, you wretched scum!

Shuffle them already!

I don’t know a thing about boxing but I do think I could keep the numbers up for Vaughn.

Last Saturday night most of the men I know were abuzz with anticipation of the Mayweather/McGregor fight.  Although I watched, I have no clue what’s going on with boxing, who are popular boxers, or the rules of boxing.  I did know that my friends have been talking about this fight for months.  Apparently, Mayweather is a traditional boxer, meaning he’s always been a boxer.  McGregor, however, is an MMA fighter who wanted to fight Mayweather; McGregor trained to be a boxer and not use his MMA skills to fight Mayweather.  I hear there was a lot of money to be made for both athletes and as usual this was a pay per view event.  For those of you who don’t know, most of these boxing/MMA big name tickets are pay per view, meaning you have to pay (in this instance $89.95) to watch the event.

As for myself, I’m not a fan enough to pay $10.00 to watch much less $89.95.  So what’s a girl to do? Of course, go online and find someone streaming it live.  I headed to my normal broadcasting site which flourishes in copyright infringement broadcasts, Vaughnlive.tv.

HandsomeMork has posted previously about the site and its “owner.”  I have heard from other sources (yes I know that’s hearsay) that the owners love to talk about the numbers of their site.  So why don’t they help themselves while they can?  When I first logged onto the website I found a great stream of the fight with over 2,000 viewers in that one channel.  Of course it was taken down due to RUNDMC laws.  (I will leave it to HandsomeMork to school us on RUNDMC rules and regulations.) In true fashion another channel opened right up with the fight.  All 2000 viewers went to the new channel.  The broadcasters had several back up channels they were advertising in the chat rooms because they knew they were going to get shut down eventually.  As the evening got closer to the main event there were several channels opened with the fights.  Many were closed down and new ones opened several times that night. (Before I started recording I had already witnessed two channel closures.)  At one point in time there were five different channels live showing the fights.  Some were good quality, some better, and some worse.  Those original 2000 viewers were now spread out among the five different channels.

The owner of the (what appears to be a dying) website was probably jumping for joy as his site is finally getting some numbers again but why not keep those numbers?  Why not shuffle those highly viewed channels to the end of the line making it harder to find?  Saturday it was very easy to find the fights, they were all number one or two in the channel line up.  Why not move them to the end of the line to keep your numbers? Also, why continue to advertise VIP service on these highly watched channels?  You are only making the viewers hate your site and go to different ones. I know of two other sites that were showing the fights that offer better services than Vaughn for free or a lower cost.

There were a few broadcasters who classified their broadcasts differently to keep them hidden, those worked as most people don’t look in the Spanish section of Vaughn unless they are looking for porn. Kudos to those casters for being smart!  I digress.

Now my question to you, is this a genius idea or am I a total ignoramus?

On a side note, I’m glad I didn’t pay any money for the fights.  I fell asleep waiting for the main event and had to watch it on youtube the next day.

 

Superdumbvillain

I thought this was awesome in many ways.  The fact that a burger is talking, a delicious looking burger is talking to me!  I also admire his broadcasting abilities and special effects.

Have a look, what do you think?  (Now I’m hungry.)

Singing with the dogs.

Not many sites do a sexy chris post these days, they are all too worried about his court dates.  Clarkswhiskey, aka sexychriswhile, is a social broadcaster with a love of alcohol.  I don’t know how much alcohol he consumes but I would think he could be in the running for a world record.  I wonder if they have a world record for longest surviving liver. I digress.  While I was recording him I stepped out of the room.  When I heard the dog howling I came running back in to this…

Enjoy.

 

The League of Upright Broadcasters

There can be no doubt that there is an immensity of dreck being spewed forth on various social broadcasting platforms. I don’t care who you are, I don’t care what your politics are, I don’t even care if you are left-handed, I feel certain that you could immediately rattle off the names of several broadcasters that you would sooner shoot than allow into the presence of your mother or your offspring.

One of the raisons d’etre of this blog was to mention and otherwise highlight those broadcasters who eschew the low road. These are broadcasters who will say hello to old friend and new viewer alike, who will seek (to the degree you allow them to) to make one and all welcome and comfortable within the confines of their channel.

I have observed that most of the vaper channels are like this. All are welcome. All they ask is that you behave yourself as if you were visiting their living room in real life. Any sensible adult (and any well brought up child for that matter) should have no problem with this. For those who are simply unable to control themselves… well, it is time for you to leave. You can just go on ahead and walk out, and if you can’t find the way, someone will show you.

I attend the following shows on a pretty darn regular basis. As a rule, the uproar and angst is generally minimal and the emphasis is on friends hanging out and maybe having a laugh or six.

EDIT – removed all links – every single channel gave up the fight.

If you are looking for a sane, non-threatening place to spend some online social time, there are much worse places you could try.

By all means, PLEASE add your favorites in the comments below.

Is this how you do it, mommy?

So this little exchange happened today on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet:

In the red corner, we have one of the all time most obnoxious pests that has ever activated an account on a social website, Mr (Miss?) Patrickva. In the blue corner, we have Gout Boy, the man-child offspring of the owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet.

In what is standard operating procedure for one of clan vaughn, Gout Boy is lurking in channels as a guest (I leave it to the reader, as a purely intellectual exercise, to hypothesize why the administrators of a website would feel the need, the overwhelming compulsion, to anonymously patrol their own site).

All does not go according to plan for Gout Boy. He is caught out by the clever trap (heh) laid by Patrickva and is coerced into declaring his actual identity. Patrickva then delivers the coup de main by pointing out that Gout Boy simply could have signed in like a civilized individual (once again, dear reader, I must ask that you ponder another point. How many times have you seen the actual owner of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet state in open chat that she wishes there was no guest chat? Miss Scruffy, be careful what you wish for! How could you possibly lurk and interject provocative statements into chat as you are wont to do if you had to sign in?).

Gout Boy responds exactly as we all expect a member of clan vaughn to respond: abruptly and rudely. Gout Boy has proudly proclaimed that he is not professional, and here we have yet another instance of him boldly living down to that credo.

Gout Boy (as is de rigueur for a member of clan vaughn) then threatens Patrickva with account closure, leading Patrickva to bow in obeisance.

This could have been an epic “in yo’ face, motherfucker” moment for Patrickva, but alas, his manhood (womanhood?)  deserted him at this key juncture in this titanic battle of wills. Tucking his tail between his spindly legs, Patrickva demonstrates to the Gout Boy that his account on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet means more to him than his pride.

To the surprise of exactly no one.

As long as Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet continues to attract beta males, this will never end.

Allow me to translate.

The Actual Terms of Service for Vaughn Live

1. You must be at least 18 years of age to have an account. If you have a youthful appearance you will ultimately be banned because the actual site owner hates being reminded of her age.

2. Streams may not contain film, video, pictures, etc. of persons under 18 unless you are a friend of Mark Vaughn.

3. Nudity is not permitted, unless it’s late and you’re really hot, in which case D****L will make sure you stay on until he is…. finished. Nudity is allowed and constantly available in the Miscellaneous section.

4. We appreciate broadcasters who go Total FUBAR on drugs because that brings us viewers.

5. We appreciate broadcasters who say totally outrageous shit. That also brings us viewers.

6. For some inane reason there is a rule about showing your ass… because apparently Rule 3 just wasn’t good enough?

7. You large breasted women can’t flaunt your gifts on camera unless your name is Gamer Girl.

8. The Amrita Rule: no rubber dicks because it makes the actual site owner get itchy “down there”.

9. The “Any Way the Wind Blows” Rule: People who have been banned may/may not be allowed to be heard, seen, or mentioned on someone else’s broadcast. It all just depends on how the actual site owner is feeling at that exact moment. Ya pays yer money, ya takes yer chances.

10. The People category is for use by whoever the actual site owner feels it should be used by. You were forbidden to play games there until the actual site owner’s son decided he wanted to show off his elite minecraft skills there. It was just fine to have a black screen until the actual site owner turned on Bubbaganoosh, now black screens are right out. Play this one by ear, people.

11. Rule 11 exists because they ran out of room in Rule 10. Seriously.

12. The DMCA Safe Harbor disclaimer: Whatever YOU show is ON YOU. That’s how the law works, despite what some folks fervently wish to believe.

13. YOU MUST, AT ALL TIMES, KISS THE ASS OF THE ACTUAL SITE OWNER (hereinafter referred to as Miss Scruffy) TO USE THIS WEBSITE. FAILURE TO ABIDE BY RULE 13 WILL LEAD TO AN IMMEDIATE SITE BAN.

Here’s the deal, boys and girls: eventually, Miss Scruffy will turn on everyone with the single exception of her son. Do not ever underestimate or discount this. She has successfully fostered a mindset of “us against the world” in the psyche of her precious man-child and it is far, far too late to fix or repair the damage she has done. And she likes that just fine.

The mystery of the Cookie Shuffle

Cookie Lipshitz, an antediluvian social broadcaster, gets shuffled but doesn’t understand why.  Allow me to educate the educator.

For those of you who don’t know about social broadcasting, many sites will 
place the broadcaster with the largest number of viewers on their home page to “feature” that broadcaster. For example, if you have 100 viewers in your room and that is the highest viewer count by channel, the site you are on will generally place your broadcast stream on their front page. If another caster then gets 101 viewers, they will then be featured and you will be bumped to second place. In the past, the desire to be featured has created fighting and drama between channels, as some people want (demand) to be featured. Other social broadcasting sites rotate the feature option for all active broadcasters without regard to their viewer counts. I prefer this method as everyone gets a chance at fame.  I’m still unclear as to why people desire to be featured.  I haven’t heard of anyone becoming famous from social broadcasting sites. It is possible Hollywood talent agencies scout the front pages of social broadcasting sites for their next Brad Pitt.

So this is pretty straight forward. A social broadcasting website either places you on the front page based solely on your viewer count, or they use an algorithm to randomly select a channel for the “honor”. I know, I know. I am beating this to death. Why must you keep reading? I do have a point, I promise.

A few days ago, Cookie Lipshitz was on a certain social broadcasting website that claims to use the viewer count numbers to be featured. The little Counting Gerbil that the owner of this website SAYS he coded counts up the total number of channel viewers and if Channel X has more viewers than any other  channel, it automagically places Channel X on the front page. Bam. Channel X has now achieved everlasting fame and immortality. They are FEATURED!

Getting back to Cookie, a viewer in her channel informed Cookie she had 51 viewers, and since this site under discussion doesn’t get much traffic any longer, Cookie should have been in first place and featured as she had the highest viewer count at that time. However, this was not the case. The venerable Ms. Lipshitz was shuffled to the back of the line. The very back of the line. In dead last place on the popularity score board if you will. The big goose egg. Zilch. Nada. Last place. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Cookie, knowing how the system works, was a bit upset that she was at the end of the line and wanted to know why.

I found this comical.  She was an educator in her previous life and desires (demands) to be thought of as educated. Why doesn’t she understand this?  She’s at the back of the line because she pissed someone off.  She’s been broadcasting on two different social broadcasting sites recently and the site owners don’t like the competition.

Maybe she was trying to be funny. She does refer to herself as a comedian when she is asked for a bill of particulars.  I don’t know if the site owners know what a “bill of particulars” is. I’ve attached the rules below and she didn’t break any of those rules. However, the last line says it all, guidelines are subject to change. Which means if we don’t like you, you get TOSsed.

 

This screen capture shows her at the bottom of the list.

I did find this person’s reason humorous.

The following is a list of Vaughn Live’s stream guidelines
  1. Must be at least 18 years of age to have an account and/or stream
  2. Streams (example: photos, films, videos, events, live broadcasts) cannot contain content of persons under the age of 18, except professionally pre-produced content.
  3. No nudity / No sexually explicit material
  4. No consumption and/or depiction of illegal drugs and/or substances (based on United States federal laws) on stream
  5. No hate speech / No illegal activity
  6. No mooning. Due to past “unfortunate” mooning events, mooning is no longer allowed.
  7. Cannot focus stream on chest, butt or genitals.
  8. No sex toys or promotion of sex related items.
  9. Banned streamers can be on your stream or MvnCams, but you are responsible for their actions and content.
  10. People category is not for all content. If you change the content of your broadcast, please update your channel category accordingly. Streams with no one on cam, no one on mic and no Streamer in chat do not belong in the People tab. Also streams that show pre produced content for the majority of their stream should not be in the People category.
  11. Gaming is allowed here on Vaughn Live. And if you’re either on cam or on mic, you can stream gaming in the People tab.
  12. By using Vaughn Live, you agree you have full permission for any content you may use on your stream and/or on your channel itself
Guidelines are subject to change

 

Hair Shampooing 101 with Liklik

Liklik is a social broadcaster that I find peculiar.  In a previous post, where I watched Liklik mow the lawn, I stayed to watch him shower….outside.  Oh my, I just realized that I watched Liklik shower and how that sounds.  I might need to see a psychiatrist.

I found his art of shampooing his hair most interesting; I actually second guessed how I had been shampooing my own hair all these years. For those of you who second guessed how to shampoo your own hair too, check this out to verify if you have shampooing your own hair correctly.

As I type this I wonder how bald people wash their heads and if they put something on their bald heads to make it look glossy.  I digress.  Enjoy the video.

 

Lawn Safety with Liklik

I’ve been looking for a lawn service to make my yard look amazing and I believe Liklik just might be the man.

I was browsing my broadcasting sites when I noticed Liklik was mowing his lawn.  After watching him for a bit I noticed that I was judging his form and safety gear.  I thought to myself, ‘hey, he’s mowing the lawn, what do I care?’  I’ve always been told I need a man to do things around the house such as mowing and farting.  It appears Liklik might be that man.  No he is not the man for me, but he is a man who can mow. I can not report on his farting ability.

I googled mower safety tips to see how Liklik rated in safety.  Shoe safety: yes, he’s keeping his shoes safe by keeping them in the house.  I’m a shoe lover so I appreciate his devotion to his shoes.  Who needs a few toes or even a foot when you have beautiful shoes that are safe and untouched? Avoiding rocks and such: he did find something, I’m not sure if he ran over it first or not, he does toss whatever he found it is across the yard. Maybe there was an invisible trash can he was throwing that something into. He also mowed around something in the middle of the lawn instead of running over it.  Wearing hearing protection: he may have failed at this as I see no protection for himself or the listeners.  The link for mowing tips doesn’t address clothing however I believe boxers and a t-shirt is ideal for mowing.  Maybe there is an athletic sports cup under those boxers to protect his johnson?

In regards to Liklik’s form, it appears he has straight lines and evenly mowed. I found his one handed mowing to be exceptional showmanship of his mowing abilities.  I hope to see him edge soon.  It might make for an interesting part two of this post.  Or not.

Liklik gives us a little tip for cooling down after all his hard work: soak yourself with the water hose. So simple and yet so effective.

Happy Mowing People!

 

The Arcane Art of Making Your Own PSAs

Hey kids! It’s time to give some (most? all?) of you a quick and dirty HOW-TO on making your own Public Service Announcements, Station IDs, Inane Commercials, whatever.

Firstly, this HOW-TO applies to Windows 7 and later versions of operating systems (there are RUMORS it works for XP and Vista, I have no direct knowledge of this). I have no idea if this stuff will work with Windows 98SE or Unix or Cheetah or any of that Apple Crapple. Also, I don’t care if it works for these operating systems. Ask your minister or therapist for guidance in this area.

You will need a free application called Balabolka. “Balabolka” (bal-ah-bowl-ka) is Russian for someone who likes to chat constantly. Balabolka is a 32 bit application, and that will be important later on in this thrilling saga.

Balabolka works with any installed Microsoft TTS voices already on your system. (Okay, let’s take a short detour here. There are a LOT of handicap accessibility features already built into Windows. You probably have no idea they are there because you can see, you can hear, you can talk, etc. TTS is short for Text To Speech. Windows has a built in capacity to read the contents of numerous types of files to a user who may have difficulty reading or even seeing the screen. In other words, you already have at least one TTS voice on your machine. Poke around in the Accessibility Features of Windows one rainy afternoon; you will be very impressed at what is built right in to the operating system to help people with sight and hearing issues use a PC) If you have further questions about the ins and outs of how Balaboka hooks into the TTS voices and what sort of options you have, go here.

At some point, you may want to add a different voice to the voice library. This is easily done by searching the web for something along the lines of “free text to speech voices windows I am too cheap to buy shit” or something similar. Be SURE to use 32 bit compatible voices (see? I told you that 32 bit business would be important).

The Balabolka interface is pretty straight forward. Open the application and you will see the usual menu bars and assorted means of sorcery in the top part of the window. The bottom half of the window is a big open space just begging you to write something witty, inspirational, incisive and provocative. Balabolka has a bunch of BUTTONS, knobs, sliders and valves for controlling the speed, volume, and pitch of the TTS voice in use, it gives you the ability to alter pronunciation of particular words, it will also let you preview all or part of any Balabolka script you are creating from scratch.

After you have your Balabolka script typed up the way you like it and you are fairly happy with how the TTS voice reads it aloud, record it using an audio editor. A really really really good audio editor that is free is called Audacity. Audacity has been around forever. It is well supported and under constant development (that means someone fixes shit that is broken), it also has a broad user base (that means you can generally ask a question in most any random gathering about how to do something in Audacity and someone will actually have the right answer). Audacity will allow you to get rid of annoying stuff like large pauses between spoken phrases. It also allows you to further refine the TTS voice by applying filters (reverb, echo, vocal enhancement, faux stereo, equalizer…. the list of things you can do with Audacity is quite lengthy, BUT (and this is important) you do not have to use any of that stuff. You can play around with the effects to your heart’s content and as long as you don’t save the file, you can always go back to the original starting point.

Any audio editor will suffice (Adobe Audition aka Cool Edit, Sound Forge, GoldWave, etc). I used Audacity as the example because it is free, it is proven, and it is well supported.

Once you have finished your audio editing, save the file as .mp3, .flac, .wav, whatever your audio player likes to stream. Name the file something that you can identify by looking at the name. PSA1, PSA2, PSA3, etc are not too good because after you get to PSA64, you may not remember what the hell PSA14 actually says. Name them something along the lines of “Dumbass Fake Commercial for Long Life Dildo Batteries” – a file name that actually has bearing on the content of the file. You will then want to listen to your project via your regular audio player software and normalize the volume if needed.

That’s it. All done. Now you are truly dangerous.

Did Yetta get her drug card?

I do believe this blog is being read by someone other than HandsomeMork and myself.  I’ve witnessed what I believe is a 70 year old woman who might have gotten her buffoonery drug card.

I don’t know if this makes me happy that people are reading this blog or sad that someone might have taken my joke about the buffoonery drug card seriously.

This lady, Yetta, claims to be 70 years old and I must give her beauty regimen applause.  I think she looks great for 70.  Many people at 70 are full of wrinkles and health issues.  This lady isn’t even wearing glasses while looking at her computer screen! I digress. Yetta is in prime time for coke according to my buffoonery post!  I would love to see her riding her bike or skateboard around town as she isn’t allowed to have a vehicle according to the buffoonery drug card rules.

This video (in its entirety) is the rambling of a lady claiming she’s being sued.  I can not confirm or deny she is being sued. I do not care. While I was watching her she kept saying the words “dummy dick” and calling someone “dummy dick”.  I found it odd that a woman in her 70s doesn’t know how to properly curse.  I imagine her on the playground with a bunch of  5 year-olds and them all calling one another dummy dick, dummy cunt, and many other silly things.

 

 

I included this video because I like her singing.

 

I’ve been Bamboozled!

It’s not often I go to Vaughnlive.tv, a social broadcasting site, but last night I was in for a little surprise and ended up bamboozled!

Vaughnlive.tv (Vaughn) was the second broadcasting site I had ever visited, after JustinTV(JTV).  A friend I met from JTV introduced me to Vaughn after JTV closed down.  I was relatively new to JTV so when it closed unexpectedly it was no surprise or disappointment to me.  I frequented Vaughn for a while and moved on, like many other viewers have.  I suggest you ask HandsomeMork to explain why people move on from Vaughn if you would like more information on that subject.  I do visit Vaughn from time to time to see who might be broadcasting and I am usually disappointed, as there are no casters that I desire to watch.

Last night I wanted to be entertained so I visited all my normal sites to see if there was someone who, I felt, would entertain me.  To be honest, I needed something to blog about. After visiting the broadcasting sites I frequent, I wasn’t satisfied with what they had to offer; I visited Vaughn and behold a pink haired lady casting.  This should be a little interesting and I haven’t seen her before so why not visit her page.  I entered to see one of the most peculiar looking woman that I’ve seen before. I entered Michelle My Bell’s room; I assume the pink haired woman is Michelle, but we all know what happens when I make assumptions.  (I make an ass out of you and me….)  This woman did have pink hair, obviously a wig, but it appeared to be a newer wig and in better shape than some of the other wigs I’ve seen on broadcasting sites.  She appeared to need some maintenance on her upper lip.  I find this embarrassing for women who need beauty maintenance on their face.  I’ve always wondered why friends of  women in need of maintenance don’t tell them they need maintenance. I digress. This woman needed a severe waxing on her upper lip and I felt bad for her.  Michelle was wearing a cookie monster shirt which covered her very large yabos.  Did I mention very large? Wow!  Michelle had a lower voice than I expected and after watching her for a few minutes I realized this was no woman.  I had been bamboozled!  This was a man!  This man was dressing as a woman!  (I just bamboozled you into thinking I thought this was a woman the whole time.)

This man, or Michelle if she prefers, was seemingly having a good time and I did find it entertaining so I continued to watch.  As I watched it made me think about the transgender issues that are ongoing in our society at this moment.  I remembered watching Tootsie as a kid; it didn’t seem to spark a big debate.  I was a kid and debates about those types of things weren’t discussed with me or around my house to my knowledge.  Remember I was locked in the basement for 15 years, my opinions were not coveted.   I recall learning in school men would dress as women in the 1800’s during Shakespearean plays. (Yes, there was schooling in the basement.)  I wonder if there were whispers about those men who dressed up as women back in the 1800’s.  I did have to google a couple of things regarding transgender or “drag” to write this post.  Wikipedia had some good information, in my opinion, on the subject of drag and the history of it.  It turns out there were lots of movies that had men dressing up as women that I hadn’t noticed over the years, such as one of my favorite Christmas movies, White Christmas.  I had seen this before Tootsie and it never crossed my mind that this might be a ‘bad’ thing.

As I watched Michelle and thought about Tootsie and White Christmas,  I noticed a guest type in chat they were offended by Michelle.  Which leads me to say this: I am not going to enter a political war about transgender.  I have my opinions and you have yours.  Sometimes I miss the cellar and the protection it provided from political nonsense.

I also found myself wondering why would someone want to wear a bra?  I can’t wait to get mine off when I get home as do most women I think.

Like me! Like me! Like me!

I remember as a child getting the ‘do you like me’ notes.  I never got those notes daily asking me to Like, Subscribe, Friend or Follow.  Sometimes I happen across a channel or page that I find interesting and will forget the name of it.  I will save it as a favorite or write it down.  The constant junking of my email of subscribed things has made reading my email intolerable, forcing me to make new email accounts.  Now I have so many fake email accounts for all the subscribery (it’s a word now) and following nonsense that I can’t remember all of my email accounts.  I blame old age for not remembering.  Maybe I should start blaming my alcohol consumption for killing my brain cells since that is “cooler.”   I digress.  The constant desire for people to be liked and racking up those like numbers is, in my opinion, an adult way to get a trophy for doing nothing.

A perfect example: I was recently informed of two channels on Ivlog that are feuding over likes and music.  (I must say that this is all third party information. It is possible I might have the story wrong.  I have changed the names to protect the innocent/guilty.)  I refer to this as a “feud” when in fact one side thinks it’s a feud and the other side thinks its hilarious, meaning one channel is upset and moronic, and the other channel doesn’t care and finds it pathetic yet humorous.  I will touch on the moronic first.

It is possible for two channels to play the same songs or musical genre.  Some people consider this stealing music while others would consider this enjoying the same types of music and songs.  Now on to my point.  Channel Uptight Corncobs (UC)  is upset with Channel No Fucks Given (NFG)  because NFG has more green thumbs or likes.  UC reminds their audience frequently to like the show whereas NFG doesn’t mention it unless it’s to thank an audience member for liking their show.  UC has made comments during UC’s broadcast regarding this feud, causing more drama than is needed.  UC needs to relax and remove the corncob from their derriere.  Life’s trophy isn’t the number of likes next to your name.  If it is, then I’m failing at life.

Maybe it’s my upbringing; being locked in a closet for 17 years has given me the mental capacity to not care if people like me or I have a number of people who push a button next to my name.  If I were in a sick and twisted movie where people voted to kill me or put me in the Hunger Games then I would care.  Last I checked, social media/broadcasting is not life threatening. I digress again.

To articulate my point, I think the constant desire to have fake people like you is foolish.  If you have friends who communicate with you, hopefully in a positive manner, then you are liked, maybe even loved.

 

Risky Business

Let’s go over some recent history together, just the two of us.

In the opening months of 2016, the users of Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit of the Internet saw a lot of this:

This was Gout Boy’s none-too-subtle attempt to coerce the user base of his dodgy website to give him a monthly fee simply to view a handful of social deviants and the chance to watch re-runs of the Simpsons and The Big Bang Theory.

The rational behind that image implies that there is a Technical Issue that is keeping you from accessing the site (video servers are AT CAPACITY!), but the text on the image makes it clear that you can BUY YOUR WAY OUT of that Technical Issue.

Shockingly, he got next to no takers on his generous offer. Imagine that. Instead of paying into his blatantly obvious and truly pathetic shakedown scheme, the user base sought various means of getting around Gout Boy’s self-engineered “outages” or they simply left his site, never to return.

Best laid plans, eh, Gout Boy?

Now it appears that their sights have shifted and it is the streamers, the providers of the “entertainment” and the streamers of old television shows and movies that are being told to pony up, lest they fail to connect to one of the fabulously expensive ingest servers that cost a king’s ransom for the Tennessee Tycoons of the World Wide Web to rent every month.

Now being charitable and cautious, I am mildly amused by this new attempt to extort money out of the users of his mother’s website, but if I were to be placing any wagers on the outcome of this, I would bet the house, the kid’s college funds and the 401K that this is gonna fizzle out just as gloriously as the Great Video Servers Are At Capacity Scam of 2016.

Gout Boy, you ain’t Amazon. NO ONE, EVER, is going to pay you for a fucking premium account. You suck, your mom sucks, your website sucks. Your track record of delivering on promises sucks. Your ability to keep your site up and running sucks. That adds up to a metric assload of suckage.

I don’t know what’s wrong…

… but I know how to fix it.

Gout Boy, the genius coder and the smartest human being to ever live, currently reports that he is uncertain as to why his site is experiencing issues, however he does know the solution to these issues is YOU buying a VIP account.

I swear, I could not make this shit up.

Human Excrement

I want to tell you a story. It’s a story that has to do with a human pile of shit that currently goes by “Dr. Dave” on different social broadcasting sites. I first ran into this walking pile of fly attractant a few years ago, and be damned if he didn’t surface again last Friday. In order to explain how I discovered this useless jackoff was the lowest form of life, we have to go back, far back in time and into the dark, dim recesses of the internet. Yes, we have to visit the days of BlogTV.

Once upon a time, there was this internet thing. It went by the name of BlogTV. Those of you who are reading this were probably there. For those of you who are unfamiliar with BlogTV, do a search on the web for “social broadcasting”, click on some of the links, then go visit your local mental health center.

One night, I am doing a show on BlogTV and some random user comes in, makes a comment about the music being played, and sticks around for a while to listen. After a few more tracks are played, he comments that my material is scrumtrulescent in all ways (these are my words, obviously). He asks where I am streaming the music from. I explained that I did not rely on 3rd party sources for material, that everything I played was sitting on one of my hard drives. I then put a link in chat that connected him to my world-famous SPREADSHEET OF TUNA. This random user seemed to be in disbelief at the number of tracks I had (at the time it was around 25-26K). I let him know that he could call out anything on that spreadsheet and it would be the next song up.

Mr Random User introduces himself as “Dave” from Beeville, Texas. Dave says he is unemployed, says he has a background in electronics, says he did some engineering work in radio and TV after he left the service, says he was a helicopter service technician in the service. He says the current job prospects in Beeville are dim. He asks me if I do regular shows on BlogTV, I tell him that I do random shows under my user ID, I do regular shows on a BlogTV channel called “1BlogRadio”, which is a collaborative  music channel made up of many many people who do shows covering a wide variety of musical genres. After a few more tracks, Dave says goodbye and off he goes.

A few days later, Dave is “on the air” on BlogTV playing his mainstream/AOR music. He becomes a fairly regular channel on the “Who’s On” menu, which makes sense. He’s got nothing else to do, BlogTV also gave him people to talk to and it kept him off the mean streets of Beeville. Just another guy, playing tunes, chatting with folks that drop into to listen…

…and then. One night I am channel hopping and I go into Dave’s channel. He is on camera in a US Air Force class A shirt with full colonel insignia on the collars, 5, maybe 6 rows of ribbons on his chest and the son of a bitch is telling one of the chatters he is a RETIRED FULL COLONEL from the UNITED STATES AIR FORCE.

Now I have to insert a bit of background about me at this point of my story. My old man spent 30 years in the US Army. He was a real bird colonel, he was a combat officer in 3 wars. His class A uniform had 3 (three) rows of ribbons. More to the point, I was born and raised on Army bases from Fort Leavenworth, Kansas to Berlin, Germany. I spent my entire childhood, from birth to 18 years of age, surrounded by scores and scores of soldiers of all ranks, from the Spec 4 who ran the cash register at the PX to a division commander who was a MoH winner in WWII. I FUCKING WELL KNOW WHAT A UNIFORM LOOKS LIKE. Seeing 6 rows of ribbons on anyone’s class A shirt… that is just beyond rare.

So I log in to Dave’s channel, and immediately type into chat “That’s an awful lot of fruit salad you have on your chest there.”  Dave’s right hand immediately comes up and covers the ribbons. Then his camera goes black, then his channel goes off the air. Approximately two minutes later, his channel comes back up, and Colonel Dave is now wearing a T-Shirt.

I had further brushes with Col. Dr. Dave during the BlogTV era. (If you want details, catch me on Friday night during my show and I will bloviate endlessly about them.) He eventually showed up at 1BlogRadio and talked his way into that. His non-stop bullshit eventually motivated numerous good broadcasters to leave. Dr. Dave hooked up with RadioRockCafe and made them rue the day they met him. Dave’s highly elastic notions of truth and honesty have made him “friends” everywhere he goes.

When Dave is pressed about his show with the uniform, he flatly denies it ever happens. When he is presented with the details, he then declares it was all a joke. It never happened, and it was a joke. Right, Dave. Gotcha.

I heard that some woman in Canada fell for Dave’s on-air bullshit and invited him to the great white north, where they became husband and wife. I honestly thought no one could be that stupid. I was mistaken.

This past Friday, the obese mole-faced woman who was actually stupid enough to marry Dave (and hey, I guess I should thank her for getting his fat, lying, honor-stealing ass out of my country) came into my show on CamUpTV under a guest account and wanted to know why “Katz123” was banned. I told this Guest that I had never heard of Katz123. I asked this guest if Katz123 had other user names (CamUpTV is good for that, bans are IP based, so if you get banned under one account name, it auto-bans all your user IDs), the guest said nooooooo (which now made it obvious I was talking to Katz123). I asked Katz… er, I mean I asked the guest if they shared an IP with one of the 3 accounts I did have banned, the guest changed the subject. After my show was done I donned my internet cloak of invisibility and entered Dr. Dave’s channel and confirmed my suspicions:  Katz123 is Mrs Dr. Dave. I jumped from my chair and rushed to take a shower.

So the wages of trolling are reminding me about this story, and getting me to write it down where hopefully ones of people will read it.

Dave is a thief. He is the worst kind of thief. He sought to take honor that he did not earn and was not worthy to bear. He is scum and it is best that he remain in another country. Should I find that he has returned to the US in general and Texas in particular, I will personally alert every VFW chapter, every American Legion post, the DAV chapters, dude, I will fucking call the American Red Cross.

A walking pile of shit. That says it all.

 

Asking the Hard Questions

As is widely known across the blogosphere, PremiumHogwash is justly famous for its on-the-scene brigade of correspondents. Today, we have asked Our Man on Wall Street what his thoughts are about the ongoing trial of “Sexy” Chris While and the potential impact this may have on the spirituous liquors industry in Great Britain. What he has to say may sending you running to your telephone to place an emergency call to your broker.

In a nutshell, we were referred to this shocking graphic, showing what happened to the stock price of Anheuser-Busch Inbev SA (NYSE:BUD) (commonly known to most readers as “Budweiser”) when the undisputed queen of VaughnLive, Vikki70, passed away from causes unknown.

As you can see, the stock price of BUD nose-dived and has never fully recovered. It is rumored that the Budweiser distributor in Dallas, Georgia had to file for bankruptcy protection under Chapter 11.

It is estimated that Vikki personally consumed upwards of 62% of all the Budweiser sold in the continental United States. With her passing, entire breweries were thrown out of work and BUD ultimately had to reduce its workforce by 38% over the next 2 years.

And this brings us now to Christopher While, who is currently “on the dock” in England for various infractions against civilized behavior.

Mr. While may be known to some of you. He is the uncontested champion of the British Isles when it comes to alcohol consumption. On any single evening, Mr While will consume enough liquor, beer, ale, lager, cider and wines both fortified and defenseless to allow the HMS Ambush to submerge to a depth of 500 feet. His consumption is simply remarkable.

Therefore the market is watching his trial with much apprehension. Should he be incarcerated, it is feared the entire adult beverage market in the United Kingdom would suffer a financial blow that could be equated to Armageddon. We reached out to spokespersons of several famous distilleries in the UK, their responses ranged from tight-lipped “no comments” to actually bursting into tears and having to be lead away by corporate minders.

PermiumHogwash will keep a close eye on this developing story from the green and sceptred isle and keep our readers abreast of any new developments.

General Incoherence

HandsomeMork has become saddened by the fact that another blog has shut down with no warning or no reason behind it.  I read on a different blog it was due to “it’s the same train wrecks and no new content.’  I wonder why this has to be?  Why does a blog have to be about train wrecks?  Why are good casters not praised for being a good broadcaster?  Can’t we have positive praise in a wold full of hatemongers?  Yes that was the word of the day on my word of the day toilet paper. I felt the compulsion to use it; compulsion, word of yesterdays toilet paper. I digress.  My point is, we all go to various sites to watch, sometimes we watch train wrecks and sometimes we settle into our favorite casters.  The non-train wrecks still cast and people still go there yet there are no stories about them.  They are news worthy because they keep the sites going.  We all keep coming back, whether it’s waiting for a train wreck to go live or to actually enjoy the caster.  Whatever the case, they keep the sites alive.

Most older people I know find social broadcasting sites odd, yet the kids all know what they are.  Most kids I know want to be youtube sensations.  Social broadcasting is alive and well and becoming more and more the norm yet we only talk about the train wrecks.  I do find it funny that most kids want to become youtube sensations and make millions of dollars by being goofy or playing games.  I wished this blog would make me millions of dollars yet I will wait for my government check to come in. Which is what those kids will do if they don’t go out and get a job.

This post has makes no sense.  I just needed a reason to use my word of the day or else my trip to the bathroom was for naught.

This kid makes me laugh

There is a kid on VaughnLive who always gets banned;  I’ve been told his name is Irelands Patriot. I can neither confirm nor deny if he is a patriot.  I don’t care if he is a patriot.  I’ve seen him before on Vaughn under several different names because he always gets banned.  I find it funny that he gets banned every time he shows up on Vaughn. I’m not sure of the back story why he gets banned. I don’t care about the back story. I do know that the Vaughns don’t like him cause he gets banned every time he broadcasts. If you know the back story please keep that to yourself, please don’t waste your time trying to teach me anything.  I honestly don’t care.  I don’t even care what he says, I only watch him to see the ban hammer pound on him.

While I sit in anticipation of the ban hammer I wonder why this kid continues to cast on Vaughn when they clearly don’t want him there.  There are plenty of other sites, why not go to those?  I’ve concluded that he enjoys the negative attention  he gets with the ban hammer.  Maybe his thing is getting banned.  I know he is relentless in casting on Vaughn and to be banned and that combination makes me laugh.

I would address the TOS issues that I have not seen him violate but lets face it, TOS doesn’t really mean anything.  If the site owners don’t like you, you get TOSsed.  (see what I did there?)

 

The Road Not Taken

So this evening I went by Possibly The Worst Steaming Pile of Dog Vomit on the Internet and I couldn’t find any of that HTML5ness that the pseudo owner/boy genius/late model Honda collector promised everyone was going to be there by “the end of June”. To the surprise of exactly NO one, anywhere on the face of this planet, the grotesque abomination that sprang forth from the mercury poisoned loins of Patricia “Love Handles” Vaughn has once again delivered a self-inflicted gunshot to his immensely gout swollen feet. I suspect that by now he doesn’t even feel a thing.

One day I will write a pamphlet concerning my Unified Theory of the Vaughn Molecule and its place in our universe, but that’s not why I am here today. No sir.

I am here to talk about one of those streaming sites that I tried for awhile and moved on. Stream.me is a site that was started for and still mostly caters to Gamers of all shapes and sizes. Myself and a fellow miscreant of similar stripe approached the administrator of Stream.me and asked if they would have any issues with us doing our Rock-n-Roll thing on their site. They were very obliging about letting us set up shop and were “there when you needed them to be”, otherwise they left you alone. Hmmmm, that certainly is an intriguing model for running a social casting website.

The downside to Stream.me is one that many of you are familiar with: next to no traffic. Most people on Stream.me are dedicated to their particular games. From time to time someone would wander in to our channels, rarely that someone would actually deign to say hello, but for the most part you really had to pack your audience in with you. The opportunity for channel/viewer growth for a music oriented show was deemed to be very low.

Since we left, we observe that there has been some diversification of the content. There are music channels, a news feed or two, occasionally I will see what looks to be a live round table discussion format show.

For those of you in search of a out-of-the-way site to do some trial broadcasting, Stream.me might well be exactly what the doctor ordered.

(NOTE: I an not affiliated with, endorsed by, reimbursed, compensated, fed or given gratuitous hand jobs by anyone at Stream.me. I have no connection to them whatsoever, except as a former (semi-former? my channel is still there, but it hasn’t been used in many many moons) user.)

Saddened, I am

For reasons known only to Mrmacgregor, he has chosen to make the illustrious webcamwoodshed private, which means that common scrublords such as myself can no longer access its (admittedly sparse) contents. The link to access the chat box is here:

http://jtvshoutbox.chatango.com/

It is a good place to troll and be trolled.