It is apparent that someone has pointed out this fabulous blog to the vile and execrable Kookie Shitlips. Of course, Kookie is “disturbed“, so it is in her nature to point out a couple of posts we have made concerning her. She typed in the urls of two posts (her catfish experience with the mysterious Tripcode and a post concerning her usage of RevolverMaps) into the scrolling chat description window above the chat area. One aspect of her scrolling message does puzzle me mightily. Who the fuck is Voltaire?

Now I am going to go well out on a limb here and make an assumption. I am ASSUMING that Cookie is not referring to the historical personage known as “Voltaire” (real name: François-Marie Arouet), but is instead referring to some chat room wag who uses Voltaire as a user ID. This is not a safe assumption on my part. Given this antediluvian harridan’s grandiose delusions, she may actually believe that Voltaire is alive, well, and writing about her.

In any event, “Voltaire” is not a name that myself or Cocoa has ever used on any social broadcasting site. PremiumHogwash is now and has always been authored by myself and the esteemed Cocoa Black, and neither of us are fans of the cheese eating surrender monkeys. Any attempt by Kookie to credit this blog to Voltaire is purely the result of an Elavil induced psychosis.

A picture is worth 1000 words, so I’ll let this screen cap taken at 5AM (10AM Cr3am time, in other words mid-morning) speak for itself.

So I am chit chatting and

Not exactly how the shit is supposed to work, Mr Cram.

I did something this morning that I haven’t done in quite some time.  I logged into Ivlog.  I noticed a new name on the main page.  It was a new name, no photo had a few viewers.  I clicked it, going into a new room is always exciting!  It’s like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get! This was not my favorite chocolate that’s for sure! I thought for a bit that Ivlog had turned into the newest porn site for live viewers but I was wrong.

For those of you who love chocolate:

I have a little game I like to play. It’s called “Can I get Cookie Shitlips to ban me with just one post”.

I have been playing this game for some time, and as with any great endeavor, I seem to go in streaks. Right now, I am on a fucking tear. Over the weekend I got booted out of her channel 3 times on as many posts. In this game, that is counted as a Flawless Victory.

A year or so ago, Yetta was obviously on some sort of mood management medication, or maybe it was just some hog tranquilizers, because I could not BUY a boot out of her channel on VL. I was, needless to say, quite depressed. I stood in front of a mirror and berated myself for a lack of skill, talent and imagination. Happily for me, after awhile her meds ran out and she was back to being the irritable termagant with the eggshell ego that we all know and despise.

She is apparently back in a manic phase right now, so I would encourage both readers of this fabulous blog to pay a visit to her channel on CrAm’s website and rattle her cage. Just take a few moments to listen to whatever she is droning on about, then flatly contradict her (bonus points for using “tripcode” in your post) and see if you too can piss her off badly enough to pop you after 1 post.

Well, things are not lookin’ too good over on Camup.TV, where you are about to pay to play.

https://www.camup.tv/features

Starting in June, you gotta come off the hip to the tune of $30 a year if you want anything over and above a stream key. This is a pretty big change for CamUp, and I have to wonder if this change was influenced by the sudden influx of rats broadcasters leaving that shithole site based in Tennessee. This idea of charging people may be backfiring, as I have noticed some channels that were there are suddenly going missing… almost as if they have decided that if they have to pay, they need a site that actually works (more about that shortly).

Live internet broadcasters generally do this shit for fun, until they get on Youtube or Twitch and either have big ol’ titties or content so compelling that they begin to make real money from their broadcasts. On Camup, Ivlog, YawnLive, etc., it’s purely amateur hour. NO ONE is making a dime off their shows, so having to pay to broadcast doesn’t make much sense, unless you really like the site and feel like helping them out with beer money and such. Charging broadcasters, the people that actually provide the content of your website, generally encourages them to do one thing: migrate. They load up the wagon and move to greener (cheaper) pastures and then site owners sit around, scratching their hefty posteriors and wonder where all that traffic went.

Now getting back to CamUp, one of the things you will be paying for (assuming you care to stay & pay) are the guest cams. If you have been to CamUp, you already know where this is going. The guest cams on CamUp are so incredibly flaky, so twitchy, so unpredictable, so unreliable, so frustrating, that Dixie is in for some very unpleasant times when people who have paid money for the feature find that said feature simply does not work …. 80% of the time? 90%? Seriously. I used to do regular shows over there until I grew weary of the inability of the administrator to correct issues, acknowledge issues, own up to mistakes, etc. It was, in point of fact, way too much like dealing with Mark Vaughn. The guest cams were the source of almost all of my in-show complaints.

Dixie’s idea of fixing any issue is to tell you to clear your cache. Apparently, every CamUp user’s cache is infested by demons/aliens who are causing shit not to work and you need to clear that damn cache out, then everything will be fine. This is a theory on my part, but I suspect that telling paying customers to clear their cache is gonna go over like a big ol’ green turd in a pickle jar.

Dixie, when your site was free and people supported you (like I did) because they wanted to, if your shit didn’t work, well, the site was free and we were getting what we paid for. You are fixing to start taking people’s money very soon, and you had best up your game, or you are gonna be returning that money hand over fist.

WHAT IF… Twiggy had been born in Ireland as a male.

Well, this one is easy. Twiggy as a male would be that parasite widely known as Ireland’s Patriot. Yes, the human stick figure with the incredible hydrocephalic noggin and the somewhat over-exaggerated opinion of himself (and by “somewhat”, I mean “infinitely”) is obviously the male Irish Twiggy. The resemblance is nothing short of remarkable.

Ireland’s Pissant has been hanging out in the live chat on the UKMuppets carrying on deep and meaningful conversations with himself, as is his wont. He vomited up these pearls just a short time ago:

I have no idea who “Junior” is, but seriously, NO ONE on the planet is going to walk the other way when they see the scrawny apparition that is Ireland’s Patriot. The Pissant rambles on about old people and how they all hate him (pssssst, shit head, everyone hates you. That club is open to all applicants. No age restrictions apply) and they are all anons and old and also they are old. It seems blimp-head has a thing about age. I think he hates his mother and this is his way of expressing it.

Remember this one? Mommy makes IP cry, cry like a wee lass, as they say in the Land of Lucky Charms.

When called out about her doxing on the JTV chatango shoutbox, first she lied, then she gave excuses, then she asked the peanut gallery if they wanted my IP address.

What a fucking asshole.

The porcine New Zealander denied breaking the only rule of McGregor’s shoutbox. When confronted with a screencap of her guilt, she then argued that what she did was alright because it had been done on battlecam and facebook already. When it was pointed out to her that what was posted elsewhere had no bearing on what she posted in the shoutbox, she then said it was alright because it was someone’s arrest record.

When I refused to roll over and demanded that she remove herself from the chatbox, she then offered up my IP address to the assembled anons, thereby demonstrating a continued willingness to keep on doxing.

Slaya, you are an unmitigated, dyed-in-the-wool, pure ASSHOLE. You are a liar, a hypocrite, you are a wannabe Scruffy, abusing your moderator status in McGregor’s chatbox.

Rest assured, if the opportunity ever comes my way for payback, it will be delivered with interest.

Animal Farm was required reading in the sixth grade, and there is a very famous line in the final chapter: ALL ANIMALS ARE EQUAL. BUT SOME ANIMALS ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS.

In yet another example of how life imitates art, a moderator on the JTV Shoutbox broke the one and only rule of the JTV Shoutbox, and is going to get away with it.

I have no doubt she will find it in her heart to forgive herself.

First, Scruffy announced her imminent departure (and there was much rejoicing):

Now it would appear that whatever Scruffy has (Hashbrown Syndrome or Australian Crotch Rot or some other exotic disorder) has been contracted by her progeny, the obese coder himself, GoutBoy.

Yes, GoutBoy is in “horrific fucking pain”, which is one level above “ouchy booboo pain”. In point of fact, GoutBoy says that he feels like “someone is shoving a railroad spike into my ear”. I suspect there is no shortage of volunteers for the position of Railroad Spike Shover. I’m not doing anything this weekend, so if those parties currently doing the railroad spike shoving need a break, please let me know in the comment section and I shall be on the way in short order.

Bon Voyage, GoutBoy. The road to hell is paved in railroad spikes.

Survival of the fittest.

Seen in the jtv chatroom: “Thanks to Scruffy, Ivlog is now a decent site.”

Obviously, the word “decent” is open to interpretation, but if, as I suspect, the commenter was referring to the number of active channels that can be viewed on Ivlog, then yeah.

Just as VL owed it’s success to JTV and BlogTV shutting down in rapid succession, Ivlog and even Camup.tv are experiencing growth due to the repeated self-inflicted injuries that VL absolutely excels at. Between the hapless befuddlement of Goutboy and the malignant psychosis of his mommy (who is STILL NOT DEAD), people have simply stopped frequenting The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet. The live content creators have caught on to the phony viewer counts that Goutboy had to implement when Psycho Momma won her campaign to cut off guest chat, so they are looking for greener internet pastures and are taking their audiences with them.

In effect, VL is shutting down it’s People Section and will rely solely on the TV rerun/old film streamers in the miscellaneous section. The page views generated there will likely keep Goutboy in Skittles and Grape Drink, but the active social caster scene has already sailed to Twitch, Youtube, Ivlog and Camup. Hell, even Stream.me is doing better than VL. So much for Goutboy’s speech about “I believe the future of the internet is in social broadcasting”.

VL failed solely because of Patricia Lynn Vaughn and her desperate need to control, control, control.

The fit go on, the unfit become part of the fossil record.