I Was Wrong

Come on people, I’m old!  I needs my sleep!  You all should cast during normal hours so I can watch!

Recently I was told there aren’t many posts regarding the social broadcasting sites on this blog which I have been tasked to write.  This is true because I thought most people, the entertaining people, were casting after I went to bed.  Hey, it’s tiring work waiting for a government check!  I digress.

Last Sunday morning I happened to wake at 3am as my hairy beast was being needy. (That’s a different story I will share at a different time maybe.)  While waiting for said hairy beast I thought I would check out the broadcasting sites.  I discovered something: I was wrong. Please feel free to mark this date, on whatever device you use to remind you of things, that Cocoa was wrong. I thought all the good entertaining casters were casting while I slept.  The only caster I found was Jenah the catfish.  As I sat there, half asleep, listening to her and some of her friends ramble on I wondered why is this entertaining?  I then thought why am I wasting my time with this nonsense? I then went to bed.

As I type this now I realize that maybe the good casters received an alert that I was awake and abruptly stopped their casts, thereby forcing me to admit that I was wrong. The shame is that I wasn’t entertained at 3 am, even worse, the group coalition was against me being right.

Whatever the case, this is what I wasted my time for at 3am while waiting for my hairy beast.  I have no idea what she and her friends were going on about and I don’t care.

 

 

Entertaining Broadcasting

Out with the old in with the new, maybe.  I’ve been looking for ways to amp up my broadcasts as sometimes I find that I bore myself.  It’s pretty bad when one bores oneself!

I decided to do what most people do and try to copycat what others do.  I did a little research as to what brings in the viewers. I viewed my normal sites such as Ivlog, CamUp, and Vaughn. I’m not sure why that is one of my regulars, bad habits are hard to break I guess!  I then checked out Twitch and StreamMe.  I feel weird looking at YouNow because it appears to be a bunch of children and I’m not trying to get myself into trouble.

It appears broadcasting video games is the way to go.  Look at the amount of viewers! Almost 50K??  Wow people love games!  This is unfortunate because I’m terrible at video games.  If I had to play and win a video game to save my life you might as well be prepared to attend my funeral.  Imagine the obituary, death by lack of video games.

There are a few other ideas that come to mind such as being a full on internet DJ, broadcast movies or news, create things, or drama.  Can I bring myself to be a real internet DJ?  Fuck no, ain’t no body got time for that.  While waiting for my government check to come in I still have responsibilities like watch the neighborhood.  I have diligent notes to take regarding the comings and goings of the neighbors.  I mean that day Mrs. Ruth’s husband came home early, whew that was a close one for her boy toy to leave out the back door!

Can I rebroadcast movies or news?  Sure I can do that, but then you have make sure you are entertaining everyone.  There is always that one person who complains about whatever you are playing, right Handsome Mork????? (Yeah, I’m looking at you.)  In regards to rebroadcasting the news, well that creates drama because everyone has their own views on politics and most people on the internet can’t accept people having different opinions.  Besides, the news is depressing and I would rather watch cat videos.

Can I create things?  Let me think about this… I can create poop, food and mucus. Man can I create some mucus; my nose has been going crazy lately.  My allergies are out of control!!  I don’t think people would want to watch me blow my nose or have snot running out of my nose all day.  I didn’t see that once on any of my research.  It’s either trendsetting idea or a terrible idea.  I digress.  Am I creator?  I’m a creator of a lot of things but nothing extraordinary that people would want to watch.

Can I create drama?  Yes I can create drama but that too is a lot of work that I don’t have time for.  Maybe I will cast the Ruth Family’s house as I have put a few cameras in their house. Don’t judge me!

I did come across Watch My Plants Grow and found this interesting.  Not entertaining, but interesting.  I thought at first it was going to be in fast forward but it wasn’t.  The cast is just watching some plants do what they do.  Which is nothing in a matter of minutes or hours.

I will continue to bore myself and my few wonderful regulars who come to entertain me and keep me company while the Ruth’s are out on their regular date night.  A new family moved in a few houses down, The Browns, I believe they will be entertaining as the police were there this morning.

 

 

Lessons with Bubbaganoosh

I’ve heard and known about this Bubbaganoosh person for years, it wasn’t until today that I finally listened to him.  Bubba has been a social broadcaster for years and is supposed to be popular. I tried to find him on Wikipedia and have concluded that he is not popular enough to make that site so therefore he isn’t popular.

Actually, I never saw the appeal of him. In fact, all I ever saw was an alien talking gibberish when I would watch him.  I could never stay in his broadcast for more than five minutes and was forced to leave because I was either scared of his alien-like features or wondering if he was sick.  It seems he might be sick, he talks of smoking weed and yet he is so skinny it’s frightening.  If he’s not sick and he has a fast metabolism I am jealous!  Imagine how much pizza and pasta I could eat with that metabolism!  If he is sick, I hope he gets better.  (I do have a heart!)

This Bubba person is apparently from Nashville and can speak very fast to the point that I have no idea what he is saying, maybe he is mumbling and I just don’t understand.  Whatever the case, I don’t care.

Today I parked it in his room while he was broadcasting on Ivlog.tv.  He was doing an audio only broadcast. This is where there is no video feed, hence “audio only.”  If you don’t understand this I can’t help you and I don’t want to help you.

Without seeing his face I could actually listen to Bubba and some of the things he said made sense to me.  Apparently he is the child of bad parents and talks a good game about his own parenting to his kids.  I don’t know if he is a good parent or not, but I do know I don’t care and I’m sure he doesn’t care if I care.

What the Why?

As I was perusing around the social broadcasting sites I felt an obligation to view Vaughlive.tv.  I’m not sure why I did this, but today it proved fruitful.

I’ve known about BeninOhio for a few years now. Due to our first interaction with one another on Vaughnlive being a little weird, I’ve kept my distance from Ben because I find him a little creepy.

Today I saw him casting on the main screen. Yes, he is the top dog at Vaughnlive.tv.  Cheers to you Vaughn! Then I noticed something a bit odd so I investigated a little further.

Apparently the cool thing to do is let everyone know your schedule.  I found this weird because someone might want to come in and steal the cot-like bed he has!  Actually I was and am still a little confused about why one would put their schedule on blast for everyone to know.  It seems Ben has some health issues that he wants people to know about.  He also has his paypal account information online so you can send him some money and he has an amazon wish list posted.  I’m still scratching my head over the entire situation going on with Ben. I don’t get it Ben and I don’t care.

While I was in a state of confusion he did give a little live lesson which I found hysterically funny.

Enjoy.

Catching Up with the Interwebs

It’s been brought to my attention that I must stop living my jet setter life and get back to business by typing up a blog post or two.  I’m sure no one has missed me while I’ve been traveling the world.  Actually, if you must know, I’ve been traveling via Google Earth.  People have decided I’m crazy by visiting many places and as I started to notice all the blurred out faces and no one would talk to me while I walked in the streets, maybe I am crazy and need to change my medications. I digress. Yes, I’ve been away from social broadcasting for a bit. It hasn’t appealed to me lately, with all the train wrecks gone I’ve had nothing to remind me of how good my life is.

Handsome Mork has graciously kicked me in the dick in order to get my head out of my ass so here I am, catching up with the social broadcasting sites.  I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I mean the kick in the dick to remove my head from my ass was good.  How is one supposed to breathe with their head up their ass? I re-digress.

In my absence I’ve noticed that Bubbaganoosh, Adambro, JessicaluvsJesus, AllSeeingEye, UnitedAmerican, Realman, Hardwood,and a few others moved over onto Ivlog.tv.  I’ve also noticed that the DogPound has moved to CamUp.tv.  With this movement I wondered who was over on Vaughnlive.tv.  The pickings were slim there to begin but damn, who is casting there now?

It appears Adambro is double dipping; he was casting at both Ivlog and Vaughn at the same time.  He did explain how this was possible, but why?  For a total view count of 20? I don’t get it. Why do a multiple stream?  I think to myself, ‘Obviously Adam either needs a lot of attention or he’s dedicated to casting more than the average Cocoa Black.’  (One should know Cocoa Black is anything but average.)

While I was in Adam’s room at Ivlog he did catch me up to speed with what’s going on.  (Insert drum roll) Apparently everyone is moving to Ivlog.  WHAT???!!!!????  This is what I’ve missed in the past few months?  People have finally had enough of one website and moved over to a different website?  I am so let down that nothing has happened in the lives of social broadcasters except that they moved from one site to another site.  Didn’t this happen when Blogtv shut down? Everyone moved?  Also it happened when Justintv shut down, and yet no one has changed.  I guess it’s true, a tiger can’t change it’s stripes, just where he broadcasts.  Adam also gave a few personal opinions on casters which is always fun to hear.

In the end, nothing is new, the same social broadcasters that I’m familiar with are just as boring as ever.  I need to find  a few more sites to bore myself with.  If anyone knows of new sites please let me know in the comments.  Please put your favorite social broadcasters in the comments below.

Thank you and have a wonderful boring day.

 

Somebody’s Watching Me

Once again, I have been contacted by a friend who is on the inept IVLOG.TV website regarding a particular broadcaster’s usage of the revolvermaps IP tracking widget.

First, let me give you some background. Revolvermaps is a “service” that not only tracks site/channel visitors, it also uses this tracking widget to place a unique id on your browser in order to track it EVERYWHERE, thereby building a profile on every individual who is tracked in order to sell their browsing habits and history to advertisers and …. Well, who knows what else they do with it. In any event, the potential for abuse is virtually unlimited (It is worth mentioning that revolvermaps is far from the only company doing this; the big players are facebook and google and why you people use that shit, I will never understand).

Getting back to the subject of this post, some asshat showed that mentally unstable harridan from New York City, the vile and execrable Cookie Shitlips (aka Yetta Telebenda), what revolvermaps is and how to install it. Cookie, being the unwise cretin that she is, added it to her channel and now likes to greet guests as they enter her chat by calling out the guest’s ID number and telling the viewers in her channel where they are from. I have some points I want to make right away.

  • The accuracy of revolvermaps is variable. Sometimes it is very good, other times it is significantly incorrect. The accuracy is dependent on numerous variables and is beyond the scope of this article.
  • Obviously, a proxy IP will utterly defeat the utility of revolvermaps.
  • Anyone with a scintilla of sense, an iota of intelligence, a single functioning brain cell would keep this information to themselves and not tip their hand. In Cookie’s case, her mental illness overrides all other considerations and she simply cannot help but show off for her audience as she pretends to omniscience. Cookie is and always will be her own worse enemy.

Revolvermaps will always be a threat on Ivlog.tv, as paranoia is part of that site’s DNA. Steven Jones and his asshole buddies who started the site have always been very concerned with WHO YOU ARE when you enter their individual channels. This was true in the days of BlogTV, it is still true now. Interestingly enough, that sewer known as Vaughnlive does not allow for IP trackers at all – at least on the part of their broadcasters. No sir, the only people who can see IPs on Vaughnlive are the people that run the site (this may be the perfect definition of “cold comfort”).

Stopping revolvermaps is literally child’s play. I will assume you already have Adblock Plus or Adblock Latitude installed as a browser add-on. If you don’t, then what the fuck is wrong with you? Get with the program, skippy. Simply click on the drop down menu arrow of Adblock and click on “Filter Preferences”

Now click on the “Add Filter” Button.

When the Filter Rule opens a blank box, type in /.revolvermaps.com/

You can then close Adblocker. Test your addition of this new rule by going to the revolvermaps website. If you were successful, you will not see any of their widgets being displayed. This means they cannot load in your browser, or in technical terms, they be shit outta luck.

You will now be able to enter that vile old woman’s channel and loudly demand that she tell one and all where you are from. She will make a few faces and then ban you, because she does not do frustration gracefully. With any luck, you may induce a cerebral event.

Party on, Wayne.

“I’m melting! Oh what a world”

(Credit for screen cap and original story to UKMuppets)

“Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!! You cursed brat! Oh what a world, what a world. Who could have thought that some little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness.”

A very dramatic scene it was, our young heroine from Kansas dousing the evil wicked witch with a handy bucket of water and removing her from the Land of Oz. I leave it to the reader to ponder the wisdom of the witch, leaving buckets of water scattered around where any young wench could wield them in so devastating a fashion.

In a similar dramatic vein, the Actual Owner of The Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet has seen fit to announce her imminent departure from her very own Land of Oz. Let me just go right on ahead and toss my opinion of her post in the chat right here: it’s BULLSHIT. Everything this woman has ever done or ever said on that crap website of hers has been a lie. I see no reason to view this any differently.

The Queen of Mercury had her employee (Goutboy, the world’s greatest coding genius) turn off guest chat, thereby lowering the number of viewers that would parade through her channels (and they are HER channels, every last goddamned one of them) seeking to curry favor with her, kow-towing, kissing her cellulite mottled ass cheeks and generally demonstrating their spinelessness. So what does a drama queen do when the audience begins to get thin? The drama queen goes over the top.

“I am dying”

From a philosophical and linguistic vantage point, everything begins to die from the moment of its creation, but I will bet my last pair of socks that is not what this vile and loathsome woman is trying to make people think. This is a ploy, a stunt, another in a very long line of scams being run out by a self-confessed troll who is looking to shock and then elicit sympathy from the pathetic imbeciles that still use that pig sty of a web site.

“I am dying”

No where near fast enough.

Battlecam

So apparently the one true sewer of social broadcasting has disappeared from the internet and conflicting stories are flying fast and furious.

Battlecam simply is “not” right now. No pages will load, no word on their fakebook or twitter sites as to their status, nothing but rumors and a bunch of assholes on Tinychat all trying to talk over one another. Finding out any factual information right now is an almost Herculean task, but I will share with you what I have HEARD, making it very clear that this is all unsubstantiated noise from various corners of the internet.

Rumor One: Battlecam is done. It’s gone the way of Yahoo Live, BlogTV, JTV, etc. If this rumor does turn out to be true, then some exceptionally nasty internet psychos will be looking around for a new site to spew their seemingly limitless supply of bile at anyone who stumbles across them. Whether you loved Battlecam or hated it, it did serve the function of zookeeper for some very wild animals.

Rumor Two: Battlecam is undergoing a total renovation. The software is being totally re-written to be HTML5 compliant, and the BC ownership is contracting with a new company for improved server support. In other words, Battlecam 2.0 will be rolling out and it will run better than ever due to upgrades to all facets of its construction. I liken this to brand new federally funded housing projects: “Look Martha, brand new slums! Aren’t they nice?”

Rumor Three: Battlecam is down, Goutboy is offering Hairy Ballsack (or however he spells his name) a position on Possibly The Biggest Steaming Pile Of Horseshit On The Internet a position as an administrator. This one is just laugh-out-loud funny. Mommy will never allow anyone she isn’t breast feeding to have any sort of authority on her website.

So in summary, this is what I DON’T know. Time will tell.

Stupid or Liars? Stupid Liars?

A certain web site that recently disabled guest chat is getting some feedback.

Several broadcasters have simply disappeared from the site, which leads me to think they have voted with their feet and moved on to other websites. All I can say to them is WHAT THE FUCK TOOK YOU SO LONG? Oh well, better late than never.

Certain other broadcasters are continuing to brown nose Goutboy and his mercury exuding mother. Most of their postings concerning the removal of guest chat consist of a variation on a single theme: “Thank you so very much, Goutboy, for cutting off guest chat so I no longer have to deal with all those awful trolls.” This is great except for one small, tiny, miniscule problem. The ability to cut off guest chat was ALWAYS there. Every single broadcaster has always been able to simply cut it off.

So this means that either the brown nosers are so fucking stupid they were unaware of the chat control options they had available to them (very doubtful) or they are lying through their unbrushed, nicotine stained teeth. It is entirely possible that in a couple of cases, they are doing both (lookin’ at a retard from the PNW).

There is a third possibility that cannot be entirely discounted. Goutboy and his mother, the Queen of Mercury, are both serial sock-puppeteers. I would be totally unsurprised to find out all of the alleged positive feedback is coming from Columbia, Tennessee. It’s exactly the sort of thing they would do.

Dissection (ZOMG, this is a long post)

I would like to parse Goutboy’s post on his blog regarding the end of guest chat on his mother’s website, the one he advertises as being “Possibly the Biggest Steaming Pile of Horseshit on the Internet”.

Guest chat and Vaughn Live

After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them.

Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community.

RIP guest chat 2011-2018

Guest chat will be disabled across all VaughnSoft sites in the next 24 hours.

First sentence: After 6+ years we have decided that it is time to retire guest chat on Vaughn Live. “We” in this instance means that his mother (the person who actually owns and pays for the website) has decided and Goutboy has run out of steam to argue with her. Those of you who have been following the misadventures of the Tennessee Internet Tycoons know exactly whereof I speak. It also bears mentioning (and Goutboy will mention it very shortly) that guest chat is/was a feature that could be turned off by a channel owner, so what is actually being retired is the channel owner’s choice of having guest chat. This is a direct result of the site owner’s psychotic need for absolute control over every detail of every channel on her website. Once again, this should come as no surprise to anyone who has been paying attention to her antics over the years.

Second sentence: At this point in time it no longer fits with the vision we have for the site. In fact, the owner of the website had been declaring repeatedly in the chats that she invades that she wanted guest chat cut off for quite some time now. Apparently Goutboy was summoning up what tiny amount of testicular fortitude he had and was resisting her decree. That little family power struggle is over, and to the surprise of exactly no one, mommy wins. The phrase “this point in time” makes it seem like Goutboy woke up on Christmas Day with an epiphany regarding how social interaction should work on his mother’s website and is now acting upon it. That simply is not the case.

Now I have to admit, in the interest of full disclosure, when I read “the vision we have for the site” I fucking nearly choked on my chicken noodle soup. Sweet Jesus, who knew Goutboy was such a comedian? If there is one thing that site has exactly nothing of, it is vision. The diseased duo who run that place have bounced around from notion to notion much like a schizophrenic shop lifting  break dancer surrounded by an LAPD SWAT team with tasers. They have no long term plans, goals, schemes or strategies. Based on what I have observed, the only “vision” I think they actually had was one of “let’s slowly go broke and hope some idiot buys this place”. I do believe that particular window closed some time ago.

Third sentence: Guest chat was once a fun way of quickly interacting with others but in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling. This one is simply a lie from start to finish. Guest chat is and always has been the anonymous way of saying what you wish to say, regardless of your motivations. Trolling has been an integral part of social broadcasting before the phrase “social broadcasting” was even thought of. What the fuck does “fun way” even mean? Who was it fun for? Was it fun for the broadcaster? If so, how? Goutboy says guest chat was a “fun way” and he says it was “quick”.

This implication that guest chat is a somehow quicker form of interaction does not stand up to scrutiny at all. If a user has an account on this crap site, they are automagically logged in and can post whatever drivel they type every bit as fast as a user who is not logged in. The idea that guest chat is “quick” and “fun” is a total canard, which is very much what Goutboy and his mother do. They lie.

And then we come to this absolute gem: “in recent time has become a tool for malicious trolling”. If by “recent”, you mean the War of 1812, then yeah. It has also become “a tool”. Being a tool is something Goutboy knows a great deal about, so I shall defer to his years of experience and expertise. “Malicious trolling” is easily defined in the context of this post. It means you are saying bad things about the woman that owns the website or any of her ass-kissers. Goutboy and his mother NEVER lifted a finger when people were trolling the shit out of alcoholic mother-beaters from New Jersey or toothless Canadian sister fondlers, but if you called out some other folks for hypocrisy and double standards, your account (assuming you were using it) was about to get shut down. Gee… it makes one wonder why people were using guest chat and VPNs (and let’s make no mistake about this, VPNs are why guest chat is getting closed. Goutboy can’t deal with them).

Sentence four: While this feature was off by default, some broadcasters would turn it on and not moderate their chat at all. Firstly, the “off by default” was a fairly recent development, and that was Goutboy trying to compromise with his overbearing mother, who wanted guest chat shut down entirely due to her inability to control it. The miscreant broadcasters who were cutting guest chat on were the broadcasters who make social broadcasting entertaining, they were inviting the unwashed riff-raff hoi polloi commoners to have their say. In a literal sense, the guests were the salt that seasons the stew that is chat. Sure, you can add too much salt, but next time you know better. That is called “learning from experience”. If a particular guest is being especially annoying, such as that obese imbecile named Johnny Cardinal, you just ban his ass or have one of your moderators on standby to watch for his pathetic posts. The phrase “not moderate their chat at all” is also easily defined, it means you were not censoring posts that the Queen of Mercury did not want to read. It’s all about her, people. It’s ALWAYS all about her.

Sentence five: And many new broadcasters would be pushed by viewers to enable guest chat simply so folks could hatefully troll them. Here we have another lie to close out the first paragraph. “New broadcasters”… From what I have seen, unicorns are more plentiful than “new broadcasters” on that site. Goutboy, you and your mommy have killed your site. No one uses it due to your mother’s contagious level of mercury poisoning. Let me pose a scenario to you, oh reader. Exactly who is pushing these new broadcasters to open guest chat if guest chat is off? It must be registered users, because they are the only people who can post. Is it possible that these registered users are acting as agents-provocateur for a certain vile, overbearing woman who has an agenda regarding guest chat? Ponder that while I shake my head at Goutboy’s absurd assertion that a broadcaster is going to enable guest chat so they can be “hatefully trolled”. Yep, that’s what he says. Read it for yourself. At this point, one has to wonder if Goutboy sincerely believes his user base is so stupid to swallow this immense load of crap? Does Goutboy actually think that these “new users” are turning on guest chat so people can call them names and tell them to put a shoe on their head?

Sentence six: Rather than add more hoops for the malicious guests to jump through when banned (as it is we IP ban them left and right), we felt it’s best to move forward without guest chat. Now we get a left handed admission of defeat. Goutboy is beaten. He can’t stop the folks using VPNs from getting on to his site. I am talking people who are madly skilled, such as Johnny Cardinal and Patrickva, people of true genius. Goutboy, please share with us, how does it feel to be beaten by such indomitable foes? Goutboy has hoisted the white flag of surrender (and France) and has given up the fight.

Sentence seven: You will still be able to view chat without being signed in and you can easily create a free account to chat. AND NOW WE COME DOWN TO IT. As Cocoa stated in her post, this is all about generating new accounts, thereby inflating the numbers of his user base in the hopes of making this site more attractive to a potential purchaser. Goutboy is telling all his trolls that they must sit by helplessly, watching all the delicious chat roll by (except so far, there doesn’t seem to be any… could it be that another of Goutboy’s schemes will not work?) and the only way you can get a word in is to…. make an account (on top of the 30 to 50 you already have). Goutboy stated in several of his town halls from long ago that once the site came out of beta, users would be able to delete their accounts. It didn’t happen; it was just another in a very long string of lies that fell out of his rotund, thick lipped face.

Sentence eight: This change will allow us to better focus our time on those that enjoy the site rather than those that wish to harm it and its community. Well now, this remains to be seen. First off, let’s be clear that by “the site”, we are talking about one person, and that would be the Queen of Mercury, Goutboy’s mother. “Wish to harm it and its community” means not bowing down and kissing her ass every single moment you are logged in to any social media site, and hell yes, that includes facebook, reddit, twitter, whatever.

Goutboy will focus his time on honing his Minecraft skills. Goutboy’s mother… well I suspect in the long run she isn’t going to like this change as much as she thinks she is. It will be increasingly difficult for her to demonstrate her authority with no guests to talk trash to and then ban. Given her need to exercise authority, I predict that we will see “Chat Cannibalism” take place, whereby she will begin to ban those who fail to be obsequious enough to suit her momentary whims and moods. In other words, you will see a sort of North Korean style slow motion purge take place on the site until only the (terrified) true faithful remain, each and every one of them wondering upon whom the axe will now fall, because surely it will fall. It could not happen to a finer group of people.

Happy New Year. This is gonna be GREAT to watch.

2018 Brings Change

Happy New Year everyone!  People usually think about the past and how the new year will be a better year.  Some people use the new year as a ‘reset’ if you will, a time to break bad habits and form new ones.  Some people see it as just another day.  The only difference for me will be rewriting or typing 2018 instead of 2017.  (Yes, I just typed 2017 then had to backspace to change it to 2018.  I digress.)

Vaughnlive.tv is on the “new year new beginnings” route.  They have decided to remove guest chat.  I wonder if this will save them a little money and that is why the change.  After very little thought I’ve concluded they need more “new accounts” as trolls can create many of them. I’m assume with the site dwindling the number of new accounts hasn’t grown.  Whatever the case, say goodbye to guest chat friends.

Click here and read for yourself.

Happy New Year!

21st Century Fairy Tales

Being a staunch traditionalist, I shall begin my tale in that most time-honored fashion…

Once upon a time, in the sleepy little County of *****, there lived a cranky old buzzard with a new truck.

One night, his truck sent him an email. Trucks can do that now. We must be living in the 21st century.

The email said “my rear tires are quite low in pressure, do something!”. Now these tires were not just filled with any old run-of-the-mill air. No sir. These tires had special air, which went by the name of Nitrogen. Nitrogen was quite proud of being nitrogen, and didn’t much care when common folk mentioned that regular old run-of-the-mill air was 78% nitrogen to begin with. This nitrogen liked to remind people that it was pure, unadulterated nitrogen, and that messy old oxygen was neither needed nor wanted.

So anyway, Mr Old Buzzard shook his head at the idea of a truck emailing him, and the following morning he rose out of bed, threw on his go-to-town clothes and went to get some nitrogen for his poor tires. Imagine Mr Old Buzzard’s surprise when the first tire service business he stopped at responded with “What? Niter Gen? Is that a Japanese tire? We don’t carry them, but maybe I can order some.” Mr Old Buzzard thanked them and then drove to another tire business. The response was different but not exactly better. They didn’t have nitrogen either, but they knew about how a lot of new vehicles were coming with nitrogen filled tires, but they were…. unconvinced of the benefits of this highfalutin’ special air and offered to top Mr Old Buzzard off with regular old run-of-the-mill air, but Mr Old Buzzard had read somewhere on the internets that it was best practice not to add regular old run-of-the-mill air to a tire full of nitrogen because REASONS.

So Mr Old Buzzard drove to the local GMC Honda dealership, which just happened to be owned by the brother of the man that Mr Old Buzzard had bought his truck from. Mr Old Buzzard walked into the service department, removed his hat and asked the young lady at the service desk (lady at the service desk? We MUST be living in the 21st century) if they could fill up a low tire with nitrogen. She smiled and said they had no nitrogen and before she could continue, an old service geezer from across the way cackled “Nitrogen? Ha! Some dealers are putting that stuff in new tires, and they will be happy to fill them up for you. Be sure you have your wallet when you go.” Mr Old Buzzard turned to old service geezer and said “Yes, they do”. Mr Old Buzzard pointed at his truck that was parked out front and continued “That truck right there has nitrogen in the tires, and it came from the brother of the fellow that owns this place”.

Old service geezer suddenly got very busy at his desk while loudly stating for all to hear “Different business all together, they got nothing to do with us!”. Mr Old Buzzard watched old service geezer for a few moments to see if he had anything else to add, then turned back to the young lady at the service desk. “Do you know of anyone in ***** County that would have nitrogen available to pump up a low tire?”, he asked. The young lady at the service desk named both tire stores that Mr Old Buzzard had already visited, so Mr Old Buzzard thanked the young lady at the service desk for her time. She did tell Mr Old Buzzard that regular old run-of-the-mill air could be used to fill the tires up. Mr Old Buzzard thanked the young lady at the service desk again and walked out to his truck.

Mr Old Buzzard really did not want to drive to the next village over to pump up a tire, but at this point he figured maybe a phone call to the place he had bought the truck from was in order. So Mr Old Buzzard pulled into a large convenience store/gas station parking lot and told his truck to call *** Chevrolet (wait a minute… you can tell a truck to make a phone call?!?) and he ended up talking to Heather in the service department (woman in the service depart…, ah, you’ve heard this before). Mr Old Buzzard asked Heather if she knew of any place in ***** County that could fill up a low tire with nitrogen. Heather did not know of any place in ***** County that could do that. Mr Old Buzzard then asked Heather if *** Chevrolet had nitrogen (here comes the good part of the story, so pay attention) and Heather said “Yes, we have it, it’s $20 per tire to fill.”

There was a long silence wherein Mr Old Buzzard had many thoughts, none of which shall be discussed here. Twenty dollars. Per tire.

Mr Old Buzzard finally told Heather he thought that was just a bit out of line, he wasn’t holding Heather responsible for that bit of (here, the reader may choose between words such as “robbery”, “larceny”, “greed”, “scam”, etc) customer service policy, but Mr Old Buzzard did add that he sure did wish he had known about the Nitrogen Charge and its total lack of availability ANYWHERE other than *** Chevrolet. From Heather’s quiet response that one could use regular old run-of-the-mill air to inflate the tire, Mr Old Buzzard formed an idea that possibly Heather may well have had this conversation before.

So Mr Old Buzzard thanked Heather for her time and ended the call. He saw a coin operated regular old run-of-the-mill air machine in the same parking lot he was already in, so he drove over to it and got out of his truck. A hand-lettered sign was taped to the face of the regular old run-of-the-mill air machine. It stated that the people that worked inside the convenience store had no connection with, no responsibility for, or anything else under the sun to do with the regular old run-of-the-mill air machine. If it didn’t work at all, if it worked wrong, if it made your crops wither and die, you needed to call the 800 number on the machine, all sales final, no refunds. It also said $1.50 in quarters, do not run over hose.

Mr Old Buzzard drove right down to the local Ace Hardware and bought an air compressor, which will be fully paid for the 5th time he puts air into one of those tires.

The end.

You Fuckers are NOT helping me.

Now look here. I have ASKED for help and exactly none of you people have intervened in any way, shape or form. No one has hidden my wallet, no one has cut up my credit cards, no one has even sent me a strongly worded telegram. Hell, one of you (and I won’t mention any names, but her initials are Cocoa Black) even told me to get whatever I wanted.

So there’s this guy I ran across about a year ago, his name is John Backlund and he is an industrial designer with a taste for retro and the Jetsons. You can already tell I’m fucked, can’t you? John has designed a number of guitars which are figuratively “out-of-this-world”. They are very colorful, visually distinctive and look exactly like what George Jetson, his wife Jane, daughter Judy and his boy Elroy would play, assuming the Jetsons did a Partridge Family act and played gigs at Spacely Sprockets.

Backlund GuitarsOne of John’s designs really caught my attention; it was his “Marz 6” guitar. I knew it existed because it was in his family photo of the design prototypes he owns.

Backlund Prototypes

The Marz 6 is that golden beauty that is the 2nd from left upright guitar on the sofa. I contacted Mr Buckland and told him of my interest in his guitar and he responded very promptly, but not with any good news. He explained that the Marz 6 in the picture had been built for him by a Dutch luthier and it was the only existing Marz 6 in the galaxy. To say that I was disappointed would be an understatement, but I thanked Mr Backlund for his time and told him I would be interested in purchasing one should he ever sell the design to a manufacturer. You know what’s coming next.

On December 20th, John announced that Eastwood Guitars would be manufacturing a few of his designs. The Marz 6 was not listed among them on the Eastwood site, but John had posted on a guitar forum that the Marz 6 was going to be produced. I sent Eastwood a query on the subject and applied some serious search-fu and lo, a true Christmas Miracle occurred. The Marz 6 has a separate pre-order page not linked to the rest of John’s guitars, Eastwood is accepting deposits for Marz 6’s in various colors and for a mere two hunnit dollah you can nail down the color of your choice with anticipated delivery in April of  2018. TAKE MY MONEY NOW!

I advised John I had mine on order and he thanked me and advised… well, his exacts words were “Thank you! You’ll be getting what will probably always be quite a rare guitar. Of course, I would like to be wrong about this, but I would be surprised if more than fifty to seventy-five Marz 6 guitars will ever be built.”

So dear reader(s), thanks for nothing in helping me to stop buying guitars. Not that anything short of shooting me in the noggin would have stopped me from getting this one. The badass is just WAY too strong to resist.

That time of year

The annual madness that we refer to as “The Holidays” is here. Endure, my friends, endure.

In the meantime:

Flour Pouer

The plot, much like the gravy, thickens.

There are signs of old acquaintances sticking their heads up out of the holes they have been hiding in. I gird my loins in anticipation of battles to come. Having failed to resurrect the ghost of sites past, it appears they have engaged in a re-branding of sorts and have chosen a most unlikely place (or three) to reappear.

An interesting bit of history to be filed under “What Might Have Been”: As some/all of the reader(s) of this blog know, at one time I was utilized as on-air talent by RadioRockCafe (hereinafter referred to as RRC). I was very much the red haired step-child while I was there, but I was there, nonetheless. When the owners of RRC first acquired the blogtv.ca domain, they debated engaging in a GoFundMe or some similar internet-based means of raising funds. I asked the male third of the RRC beast a very direct question – how much do you need? I was rather un-gently rebuffed and told that this was information I did not need to know. Sigh.

Okay, backup and try again, and ignore the pigheaded stubbornness demonstrated by French Canadians.

Okay, it is more than $20,000? No.
Is it more that $15,000? No.
Is it more than $10,000? It is less than $10,000 (and wouldn’t it have been easier to have just told me that up front?).

On hearing that less than ten thousand dollars needed to be raised, I said something to the effect of “doitdoitdoitdoit”. If Steven Jones could raise in excess of 14K given his reputation, the RRC guys should have easily been able to do 10K.

Within a small number of days of this conversation (and by small, I am talking 48 to 72 hours) I was no longer associated with RRC. This was very fortunate timing for me, as I was going to “prime the donation pump” by dropping $1,000 into the till to get the ball rolling. And if push had come to shove, I could have just underwritten the whole goddamned thing.

Being only human, I dare not lie and say I don’t enjoy the schadenfreude that the entire blogtv.ca debacle has generated. I had my concerns that the beast that was RRC was getting into bed with a person of very, very questionable character, but the excitement of bringing blogtv back from the grave overwhelmed my sense of caution and I was quite close to doing something colossally stupid. It is abundantly apparent from this distance that the entire blogtv.ca project was doomed from day one. I know many people had their hopes raised that their “paradise of the internet” was going to be restored to them (trust me on this much, it would NOT have been the same, given the people involved), but as Thomas Wolfe noted almost 100 years ago, you can’t go home again.

Spicy Black Bean Soup

When it gets cold make this soup.  Not only will it warm you up when you eat it, the bonus is when you are sleeping you will ride the toot toot train and keep yourself warm under the covers.

Seriously, I love Panera Bread’s black bean soup and tonight I made a soup comparable to that, which is totally awesome because Panera Bread is 20 minutes away!  The listed ingredients made a lot and I will put some in my friend Mr. Freezer for later in the season.

medium uncooked onion, finely chopped
medium garlic cloves, minced
45 oz canned black beans, un-drained, divided (three 15 oz cans)
1tsp red pepper flakes, or to taste
tsp ground cumin
141oz fat free chicken broth or vegetable broth
10 oz canned tomatoes with green chilies
11 oz canned yellow corn, drained

Instructions

Coat bottom of a large stockpot with cooking spray. Add onion and garlic and cook, stirring frequently, until onions are soft but not brown, about 5 minutes.

Place one can of beans in blender; add sauteed onion mixture, red pepper flakes and cumin. Cover and blend on high until smooth, about 30 seconds. Pour mixture back into stockpot.

Place second can of beans and broth in blender and puree until smooth; add to stockpot.

Stir third can of beans (do not puree first), tomatoes and green chilies, and corn into stockpot. Bring to a boil, lower heat to medium and simmer for 20 to 25 minutes. Yields about 1 1/2 cups of soup per serving.

 

ROAD TRIP!!!

Me an’ brother Kyle are piling into a horseless carriage in the very near future and taking off up the road to see King Crimson one last time before the end of the 2017 US tour. Kyle caught the show in Atlanta and I saw them in Raleigh; this time we are DOING IT RIGHT by getting the VIP tickets. Meeting/Q&A with band members, bag o’ loot, front row seats… this is gonna be motherfucking epic x 9000.

I am going to be sporting this when I go:

Because I am a total geek and have no shame whatsoever.

Beefy Goulash

What is Goulash? After reading up on goulash, I did add paprika.  I also add paprika to my deviled eggs, maybe I will start calling them goulash eggs?  I joke and I digress.

This was an incredibly tasty meal.  I used turkey instead of hamburger meat as I like to be difficult and experimental.  I also used two different pastas as that’s what I had on hand.

 

INGREDIENTS:

  • 2 lbs uncooked 95% lean ground beef
  • 2 medium yellow onions, diced
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 3 cups water
  • 2 (15 oz) cans tomato sauce
  • 2 (14.5 oz) cans diced tomatoes
  • 2 tablespoons Italian seasoning
  • 3 bay leaves
  • 3 tablespoons low sodium soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoons seasoned salt
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • ½ teaspoon black pepper
  • 12 oz uncooked elbow macaroni

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Place the ground beef in a large dutch oven and bring over medium heat. Cook, breaking up with a spoon or spatula, until the meat is browned and in small pieces. Drain the grease from the pan. Add the onions and garlic and stir together. Continue to cook for another 5 minutes or until onions are translucent. Add the water, tomato sauce, diced tomatoes, Italian seasoning, bay leaves, soy sauce, seasoned salt, paprika and black pepper and stir together. Bring to a boil and then reduce heat. Cover the pot and simmer for 15-20 minutes.
  2. Add the macaroni and stir until well combined. Re-cover the pot and simmer for 20-25 minutes until the macaroni is cooked through. Remove from heat, stir and remove the bay leaves. Allow to sit for 15 minutes before serving.

I started cooking this in a pot that I thought was going to be big enough, boy was I wrong!  I had to grab a bigger pot so please make sure you have a monsterous pot!

I know what I will be eating for the next week.

 

Garden Vegetable Soup

The temperatures have been dropping which means it’s finally time to heat up the kitchen with lots of great food.

 

People, and by people I mean my Doctor, have been asking what I’ve been eating.  Today I’m eating Garden Vegetable Soup which I find taste fabulous!

 

It took me forever to cut up all these vegetables and I’m super glad I bought a mandoline slicer to make it easier!  Just be sure to watch your fingers.

 

Ingredients:

  • spray(s)cooking spray
  • 1cup(s)uncooked carrot(s), sliced
  • 12cup(s)sweet red pepper(s), diced
  • 1cup(s)frozen chopped onions
  • clove(s), medium garlic clove(s), minced
  • cup(s)fat free chicken broth, beef broth or vegetable broth
  • 1cup(s), shredded uncooked savoy cabbage, chopped
  • 1cup(s)fresh spinach, chopped
  • tsp canned tomato paste
  • 1tsp dried basil
  • 1tsp dried oregano
  • 1tsp table salt, or to taste
  • 1cup(s) uncooked zucchini, diced

Instructions

  • Spray large saucepan with cooking spray; heat. Sauté carrot, pepper, onion, and garlic over low heat until soft, about 5 minutes. Add broth, cabbage, spinach, tomato paste, basil, oregano, and salt; bring to boil. Reduce heat; simmer, covered, about 15 minutes. Stir in zucchini; cook 3-4 minutes more. Serve hot. Yields about 1 cup per serving.

    I always use more garlic than any recipe calls for and I also added more zucchini because I love big chunks of zucchini.  I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

Socially secure

I have succeeded in reaching a life-long goal.

I am now old enough to go on Social Security. This means that I am FINALLY going get some (all? more?) of that money back that was yanked outta my pay checks going back to 1972.

All you youngsters can just put a cork in your cheese holes for the time being. The money I am getting now is MY money, not yours. I am going to have to live quite a bit longer before I start collecting my filthy loot off of your backs. Will I last that long? Time will tell. In the meantime, I am going to cover my bed in yankee greenbacks and just roll around naked all over it, then drive far far away and spend it because damn, that will be some nasty cash.

Life lessons with Sarah62

Sarah62,  a social broadcaster, has given the world her life lessons.  After multiple DUIs, she learned this in a mandatory class as part of her probation.  Too bad she didn’t learn this earlier.

Paying bills are grown up problems.

Sarah62, a social broadcaster, has decided that responsibility is too much.

Earlier this year Sarah was jailed for a second (or maybe it was her 3rd) DUI. She sat in jail for a few weeks.  I don’t actually know how long it was and I don’t care; it’s not important in my opinion.  When she got out of jail she had some responsibilities. What a concept.  An adult having responsibilities?  Wow this is shocking news!

Apparently she doesn’t like having to pay bills or the fees associated with a DUI.  She also doesn’t like being on probation or having the government do their jobs like trying to keep the streets safe from drunken fools.  Speaking of fools, I don’t think Sarah knows how alcohol works.  She doesn’t realize that alcohol on the breath means its in the blood stream because she keeps saying it was on her breath.  Does she think it just stays in her mouth? Does she think it stays in her lungs only?

Someone very smart once told me “most of the population has a low IQ.”  Good luck in life Sarah. If sitting in jail is easier than responsibilities maybe you should just stay there.

In the event anyone was worried about her going back to jail, she didn’t. She’s been too busy posting photos of her boobs on facebook.

 

Saturday Night Wrestling

Who knew Saturday Night wrestling was alive in small town America much less Vaughnlive.

Apparently before WWE (or whatever it’s called these days) people in small towns all across America watched wrestling.  What’s shocking is that after the invention of real fighting such as boxing and MMA people still watch wrestling!

I was bored one Saturday night and happened on Vaughnlive, a social broadcasting site, and witnessed real wrestling, the fake kind of course!  Since I’m not into fake cat fighting and I’m not into girls I looked into the audience to see what types of people were there watching this teenage wet dream debacle.  I was not surprised, a bunch of men and maybe a few lesbians.  Maybe they thought it was mud wrestling?  Do they even do mud wrestling anymore?  I digress.

Bottom line guys: go to the strip club.  The girls show more and if it’s a trashy place they might touch you.

 

I’ve Been Catfished

Cookie, a social broadcaster, has met a fate which is due to most internet chat room goers, she fell for a catfish.

Cookie Lipchitz, aka Yetta Telebenda, has had a friend named Tripcode for at least a year (that I know of).  I don’t know the entire story and I don’t care.  The conclusion that I’ve drawn from Cookie’s rambling is Tripcode is a catfish and lives far far away from her. Rather than be embarrassed by the lies she believed, she embraced the truth.  Hell, she even bought a t-shirt to commemorate her catfish adventure.

I myself have been catfished several times during my adventures on the interwebs and sadly  I didn’t embrace it as well as Cookie did.  Maybe I can learn something from her. Sadly, I found myself hurt by the lies that were told and ashamed of myself for falling for the lies.

I often wondered if the inventors of the internet knew that it would turn out to be a place of lies and deceit.  Recently I found myself in a social situation (yes, I actually interacted with a real human being face to face) where I reverted back to dealing with internet trolls and thought to myself, wow I must spend too much time on the internet to have such a reaction. I wonder how today’s society relates to one another (since most kids these days connect with one another via text or some type of social app) and if doubt and distrust are their first reactions, as was mine recently.  What a sad world.  I digress.

There is currently a show named Catfish which I (now) watch regularly and have decided that either people want to be on TV or they are messed up in the head. I have decided that catfishing is here to stay; it’s very popular and easy to do.  The hard part is tracking down the fish. I am good at tracking people down due to my leet skills, yo.  In the end what is the point? There is no reason for the lies that were told and if there was a reason it most likely isn’t a “good reason” for the person who was fooled.

With all that said, I think Cookie’s attitude towards her situation of being catfished is a good one, she seems to be laughing it off rather than being sad, mad, embarrassed, ashamed, confused, etc.  If only we could have her attitude and turn the catfish into the fool maybe there would be less catfish.