Dildos in the sky

I’ve heard the universe gives you what you need;  apparently the people of Portland need sex. The universe has delivered to the residents of Portland dildos via power lines.  I don’t know about you but I find this not only interesting but shocking.  (see what I did there?) I had so many questions and thoughts. My mind ran in excitement of the dildos falling from the sky.

During a recent conversation I had with HandsomeMork, we stumbled across the topic of dildos.  I told him how a friend of mine received a box from amazon.  She, like most of us, was excited to get a package and ran inside to open it. She opened the box and, to her amazement, found a box of dildos of numerous sizes,  many different flavored lubricants, and many other adult items.  Let your imagination run wild on those other items.  She told me she was in shock and just stared into the box with horror.  I thought to myself, ‘why horror?’ That would be awesome to receive a box of adult toys. The best part was she didn’t pay for it! She stated she didn’t order them and needed to return them.  (Yeah right.)  She called amazon and had the items returned as they were ordered by the previous home owner (she had just moved into her new home) and he hadn’t changed his address on amazon.  After finding out the previous home owner was a man the other adult items in the box made more sense; oh the wheels in your head are turning aren’t they?

This conversation forced HandsomeMork to google ‘box of dildos.’  I thought he was going to order me a box of dildos; I wasn’t going to protest.  A news article caught his attention,  “Saga of hanging dildos…”  Such a curious title isn’t it?  The short version of the story is; box of dildos stolen, dildos found hanging from power lines.  You can find the news link here:


This brings up so many questions for me!  Who would steal a box of dildos?  If caught, is it on your record that you stole a box of dildos?  Imagine the comments and jokes from your friends if you were caught stealing a box of dildos.  You readers know you would give your friend a hard time if they were charged with stealing a box of dildos.  You are currently thinking of the jokes you would tell your friend.

Soon after the dildos were stolen, dildos were found hanging from power lines much like an old pair of shoes. I’ve always heard shoes hanging from power lines means that’s where you can buy drugs.  What can you buy if it’s dildos instead of shoes?  Are the dildos used?  The news story doesn’t tell us if they were the stolen dildos, therefore it is possible that they are different dildos.  If they are used, will DNA tests be taken to find the rightful owner of the dildos?  If they do find the owners of said dildos will they post the photos of the owners online like they do with mugshots?  (That would be awesome.) Is this where dildos go to die? And my favorite question or thought: is this what happens when we throw away our dildos, the garbage man finds them and hangs them on the power line in order to shame ladies who threw the dildo away?  Does the universe know what size you need in order to satisfy you or is it a cruel joke?  Is it raining dildos in Portland? Am I a little freakish because I have so many questions? (Yes.)

As my mind races with questions, I find myself wondering about the men of Portland.  What is the reaction of men who realize that women can just pick up dildos on the street?  I find most women have dildos but are too embarrassed to talk about it. I’m unsure if men know how many women actually own dildos; now in Portland its easier to get a dildo.  Do the Portland men need to step up their game a little in the romance department?  Do single Portland men give up and move to another city to find unsatisfied women? What do men think of this? How many times can I type dildo?

My mind has gone into overdrive with this story.  I need a break.  I will go and relax. How do I relax? With my dildo.






3 comments on “Dildos in the sky

  1. Hello Cruel World. I am a beautiful spammer who’s message was changed to this crap.

    I like your site and will continue to read it daily. Even if it’s the same content, I will put you as my favorite and read every story….or be a dummy dick.

    Cheers to Handsome Mork!

  2. Grow your online community with spam comments. One day, while walking in my spam garden, I was attacked by a giant worm who ate my feet. Now I walk with the aid of empty spam cans, and never have I felt so complete. Except when I pee. My pee smells like spam. I need to see a doctor soon.

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