What took so long?

And so it has finally happened that PreventedJimWeenus has been shown the egress of Ivlog and is back on Possibly The Biggest Pile Of Steaming Horseshit On The Internet, where he mutters threats and imprecations against all his many enemies, real and imagined.

Jimmey (yeah, that is how he spells it) has been known to some of us for a very long time and that he has been smote with the ban hammer comes as no surprise at all, we just wonder why it took so very, very long for the powers-that-be on Ivlog to act. Jimmey has never been what anyone would describe as subtle. He can best be described as a 21st century Rasputin, a walking, talking disaster waiting to strike anyone foolish enough to interact with him. Much like Rasputin, he seemed to be able to hold sway over the weak-minded, everyone else saw him for what he was.

I am told by persons in whom I have some significant trust that he spoke very highly of me this evening while broadcasting from his new internet home. Ideations and pronouncements of death, disfigurement, all the usual adolescent fantasies one would expect from someone with Jimmey’s various mental disorders were bandied about by Mr Wackypants. I truly wish I could say that I qualify for such exalted hatred from dear Jimmey, but sadly, I did not have jack shit to do with his bannination from Ivlog. No, I had to be content with kicking him out of every channel I found him in. I know not who actually claimed his scalp, but I feel fairly certain Jimmey made it very easy for them, as Jimmey was given to typing some fairly outrageous shit from time to time.

Count on the fact that Jimmey will not see it that way. Nope, Jimmey’s capacity to accept responsibility is so tiny that science has yet to develop a means of classifying it. Jimmey will claim that a vast conspiracy of no-goodnicks did him in, stabbed him in the back, bushwhacked and otherwise did him in by means both underhanded and foul. That’s what Jimmey thrives on.

Imaginary Enemies, they are EVERYWHERE!

Okay, music casters…

WHY, why, why, why do you do these things? When you start a song and it’s playing, someone in your channel is listening to that song. Hell, someone in your channel might even be enjoying that song. So why, in the name of all that is unmentionable, do you stop the song dead in its tracks to play something else?

Do you hear terrestrial radio stations do this? Do you hear satellite service radio stations do this? Do you hear radio over cable TV stations do this? NO, YOU DO NOT HEAR ANY OF THEM DO THIS. So why do you do it?

The rules for broadcasting are fairly straightforward. Don’t play a disco track in the middle of a Led Zeppelin set, okay? That seems pretty obvious. Don’t depend on some online source for your music (this is the single most broken rule there is, and one day when the clouds crash and youtube can’t pirate videos anymore, you fuckers will all be weeping). Don’t play the same song twice, because that confirms what we all think: you aren’t paying attention to your shit. Show up and stay on camera. Sure, everyone needs a bathroom break once and again, but be in your show, otherwise you are just mailing it in, and I can just as easily NOT see the broadcaster on real radio. Stay off of skype calls, don’t shove food in your gaping maw, DO play the long remix version, have your OBS or X-Split already correctly set when you start… all this is obvious.

Most importantly, when you start a track, let it finish. Don’t be a lame ass chowder head and kill the track because you are tired of it/didn’t mean to play it/someone requested a new song/whatever. If you did fuck up and play it by mistake, then letting it finish is what you deserve for fucking up to begin with. Mistakes should be painful, otherwise we do not learn. If someone requests something, let that track that’s playing finish. Once you start down the road of killing a song because some pisshole in a snowbank asked to hear “Tiptoe Through the Tulips”, it never ends, because I am gonna wait about 20 seconds and request some god awful metal noise just to piss the Tiny Tim fan off. And thus is the path to chaos laid out before you, each listener trying to undercut the last. And that is no way to run a show.

I can pretty much assure you no matter how much you think a song sucks (say… anything and everything by Abba), someone likes it for some unholy and demented reason. You owe it to the people who took the time to come in to your miserable channel to at least try to make them happy, and if that means you need to mute the music on your end for 3 minutes, do the right thing.

Not calling any names here, but someone with the initials of StudMuffin cut off “I’m a Man” by Chicago because some douche wanted to hear something else. What the fuck were you thinking, StudMu… er, anonymous broadcaster person?

When the dog won’t stop barking.

Faroe is now history.

I have tried to tolerate his hapless shenanigans in the past, as I understand that he faces mental issues that limit him in many ways, but at some point enough is enough and tonight… enough.

Over the past few weeks, Faroe has been a regular visitor to my Friday night shows. Sometimes, he is content to blow up my PM inbox (and my superop’s PM inbox as well) while he remains in Do Not Disturb mode – which means there is no conversation, just a one-way avenue for him to carry on about what assholes we are. Other weekends, he will do the usual “my computer specs are blah blah honk snort blah, so fuck you” posts that we all love and cherish. This week it was the old subscribe/unsubscribe 1,050 times a minute trick that sets the new subscriber message light to flashing madly. Just to add to the evening’s message, he then came in to chat and:

Hello, my name is Faroe. How are you this evening?

So about that remark he made, “stop being 2 faced against me”… Faroe is not very bright, in addition to his various socializing disorders. It is a very common sight to see a guest enter Faroe’s chat and type something along the lines of “Faroe, (insert user name here) said you eat doo doo and dress funny.” Faroe will explode upon reading this. He launches into a tirade of profanity and literally starts to vibrate in his chair. He takes this anonymous (and patently stupid) post directly to heart and loudly declares his undying hatred of the alleged doo doo accuser and swears he shall make their crops wither and die, then sow salt upon their fields so that their offspring shall know misery for seven generations.

This happens pretty much every single time he broadcasts on Ivlog, the people who do it know Faroe is a big, bald wind-up toy with a potty mouth, and they take great delight in winding Faroe up and pointing him in any particular direction just to watch the fun. Tonight, he was pointed at me.

I have not had any interactions with Faroe, other than his less-than-pleasant visits to my show. The whole “2 face” thing would imply that I am saying something nice to his face and then talking trash about him when he is not present. Sorry, pal Faroe, but I have never said anything beyond “hello” to you, EVER. As far as talking any trash, other than discussing your various mental disorders with the staff of the Ivlog psychiatrists, you just aren’t talked about at all. You aren’t important enough to be talked about.

So tonight, after he went off in my chat, a nice person tossed me a pro account and Faroe got what he asked for. And unlike Faroe, who clears his banned list every time his meds get changed, mine is pretty much carved in stone. You’ll have to find someone else to be upset with now, but I am sure your guests will find your next target in short order.

The Dog Days are upon us

Not a lot of posting by Cocoa and myself. It has gotten decidedly hot in our respective regions of this great and fair nation, too hot to post, too hot to think.

Let’s see what’s going on at Ivlog…

It’s quiet, Kemosabe.

Which is not to say that nothing is going on. Someone got mad, someone got upset, someone thinks they got even, someone unfriended someone else, someone laughed until their face ached, someone took off too many garments, someone drank too much while on camera, someone sent someone else a PM designed to start a fight, someone else didn’t care.

Ivlog isn’t dead, mind you, but it is starting to smell a bit funny.

Lipshits Discovers America!

So through the courtesy of an anonymous friend, I was treated exposed to video of roughly 90 minutes of Lipshitsian Theater that happened early this morning. It would appear, dear reader, that M. Latrine has set sail into the west and “discovered” the New World, which in this instance turns out to be… my old user names.

My sincerest congratulations. You have found that which was not hidden, and the skill which you employed (well, let’s be honest here, it was the skill which your viewers employed) is on par with what I would expect any novice googleteer (it’s a word now, dammit) to possess.

Kookie, for one brief moment, stop talking and attempt to engage your brain and THINK. I do shows. I am on camera when I do shows. That means people can see me. So if they come in to a channel that says “Joe_King” or “Les_Izmoor” or “S_Colaser” (or any of the other user IDs I have cycled through), THEY. STILL. SEE. ME.

Do you understand that?

I typically (but not always) run the Popeye avatar on my broadcast channels. If I were actually seeking to be furtive, do you think I would continually fly the same flag?

So much like our good friend, Chis Columbus, you have found that which was always there. Contrary to your opinion, Joe/Les/Mork/etc have never been hiding from anyone. To this very day, when I am on camera, people will come into that channel and greet me by “Joe” or “Les” or any other user name that they remember me by. It’s the internet, so it just doesn’t matter what anyone is called – except to you. To you it matters a great deal.

In any event, I am very pleased that I am still living between your ears, rent free, 24/7. Also, thank you for telling us about Lizzy calling you “M. Latrine”. That is fucking hysterical.

Hypochondriasis

I know we all fondly remember that day when Scruffy announced that her end was near, and yet… somehow, some way, she has managed to hang on, raging against the dying of the light, her brave and pure spirit refusing to be vanquished by the forces of Hashbrown’s Syndrome, mercury poisoning, botulism and terminal athlete’s foot.

So it was with no small amount of amusement that I encountered this absolute gem of a post by that amazingly insane woman on her website:

I CAN’T READ

Yes, the (actual) owner of The Biggest Steaming Pile Of Horseshit On The Internet can’t read, because she is allergic to paper and ink. Think about that for just a few minutes, dear readers. Marvel at the sheer, unadulterated audacity of that statement. Ponder the implications of being unable to tolerate the touch of paper or ink. Scruffy cannot touch money (which is bullshit of the purest ray serene), newspapers, most restaurant menus, her mail, toilet paper, kleenex, cash register receipts, instruction manuals, the wrappers on her McCheeseburgers, the labels on her many pill bottles, napkins, TV Guides, milk cartons, paper towels, or (and this is the worst) the wrappers on ice cream sandwiches.

I’m not going to bother addressing the entire “I can’t read books” bullshit, because damn near any book you would care to name can be obtained in digital format and viewed on a video display, be it a Kindle, a tablet, a PC monitor… hell, you can read a damn book on your phone. Now Scruffy, if you decide you are allergic to knowledge, that is something I would be inclined to agree with. Also, severe allergy to civility, honesty, integrity… you get the idea.

We can only hope.

This one hurts

Please forgive my grammar. I’ve been drinking. I shall continue to drink until I fall asleep. Then, I may drink some more. Dan Wilson has died, and this is personal.

Kind of pissed about this. I’ve been carrying a defective heart around for well over a decade and goddammit, I was supposed to be the next one on the train to Wherever. Dan, you took my seat. Now I can’t even call you up and say WTF.

Dan was, beyond any shadow of a doubt, the very best human being that ever logged into the swampy morass that we call social broadcasting. He simply had no peers in terms of kindness, intellect and that rarest of all human attributes, grace. He is gone now, and we are all immeasurably poorer than we were.

I’m a touch sketchy on the details (the when, the where, the mechanics) of his passing. I swapped a few texts with Mrs. Dan – I needed to confirm that what I sincerely hoped was an idiotic rumor heard on the Ivlog was in fact just a rumor, but it wasn’t. Not much to say at that point, is there? You offer to do whatever you can, but short of performing a 21st century version of raising Lazarus, it’s all just words. It leaves one feeling a bit (well, more than a bit) empty. I can do all sorts of shit, I have many interesting skills. Can’t do a single goddamn thing about this.

Dan was arguably the single most fortunate man who ever lived. For those of you who have had the pleasure of meeting Mrs Dan, you know EXACTLY what I am talking about. She was a perfect match for Dan on every level (smart as a whip, stunning, and had that grace thing in spades). I know not which angels guided the two of them to meet, but it was the best day’s work they ever did. A remarkable woman, a remarkable couple.

Dan was directly responsible for steering me onto Taylor guitars, and I suspect he approved of the one I ended up buying, even if it wasn’t the exact one he played. Whenever I would see him in chat and say “Hey, I got a new toy”, he was just as excited about it as I was. G.A.S. (Guitar Acquisition Syndrome) will do that to you. It turns a normal (well, sorta normal) man into a little kid with a new bike. Between the guitar lust and our somewhat eclectic tastes in music, a friendship grew pretty quickly. He listened to what I played, I listened to what he played, and we were delighted when we discovered we were both fans of some fairly obscure performers. It’s a rare thing when we find someone with tastes as peculiar as our own; it’s something to cherish.

We shared some other interests as well, we were, after all, of an age demographic that sociologists liked to refer to as “baby boomers”, born in the fifties, growing up with Davy Crockett coonskin caps, hula hoops, black & white TV that picked up 2 (3 if you lived in a big city) stations, Project Mercury (NO ONE under the age of 60 can name the original seven astronauts), The British Invasion and your parents could (and did) smoke everywhere, including the doctors office (not making this up, kids). In other words, just a perfect friend. Never had to explain a damn thing to Dan. He was there, he knew.

So my friend Dan has passed on, and this is where I say “gone but not forgotten”, not because it’s a cliche, but because it is the exact word-for-word truth. I have read in various tomes that there is a philosophy that as long as someone is remembered, they have not truly perished. So I would ask the two or three of you that read this, remember Dan. Remember just how good, how decent, how kind, how remarkable Dan was. Keep him with you, in that secret part of your heart.

I need to drink more now.

My newest obsession….gone girl.

To the one person who has been missing me and my posts, I’ve been busy with my newest obsession, Cassie Maxwell.  I am sad to say my obsession is over.  It saddens me to say she has disappeared off the facebook.

For those of you who haven’t seen the video of Cassandra “Rain” Maxwell you have missed a wonderful example of motherly love, an example of mental illness, or just someone goofing off.  Ms. Maxwell has many different names she answers to, it appears Rain or Rayne is her favorite.  The self claimed psychic posted several videos on facebook and one has seemed to make her very popular.  In said video she rants about an elementary school taking out a criminal trespass notice on her.

After seeing the video, I found her on facebook and binge watched all of her videos.  I was in shock and awe of her and her craziness.  I also found some of the comments humorous but then I got sad. 

I was sad because I found out her story, which starts out with a car accident.  Apparently she was hit in the head and received some damage.  The extent of the damage is unclear from her videos; she did claim to have some eye injuries or eye pain and the aliens, yes aliens, came down and healed her eyes.

After the car accident she apparently decided to divorce her husband.  He then turned around and took the kids.  Now she is dealing with custody issues and the ex-husband is withholding her kids from her. She believes people are coming to her house to kidnap her and hold her for human trafficking.

This results in fabulous facebook live videos.  Some of these have over ten thousand views.  The most popular video was her rant in the car after receiving the criminal trespass order.  That video has received over 500,000 views.  Many news agencies are also referring to her video in effort to spread awareness of mental health issues.

This afternoon I went to her facebook page and it wasn’t there.  I am sad that I won’t get to find out what happens in her life, if she gets help or if she gets better, or if she spirals even more out of control. It’s very silly of me to wonder about a total stranger and her life. Maybe I am looking at her as a role model in the event that I get off my meds and start down the spiral of facebook rants. 

I do wonder though, was she like this before and on her meds?  Did she ever take meds to begin with, or was she totally normal before the accident?  Did the accident and any injury she might have had provoke this type of behavior?  Obviously I don’t know anything about her other than what she shared and I don’t know her story before the accident.   I would love to interview her, the ex, and the principle of the school.  A girl can dream right?

I do believe she would be an awesome caster on any of the trashy social broadcasting sites I watch!!!  Yes, I can dream. 

Whom the Gods would destroy

…they first make illiterate. With apologies to Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, I must note that as of late, the resident know-it-all of Ivlog has been increasingly erratic in her writing.

The other night I happened by her channel and the scrolling description was, as usual, detailing some absurd aspect of her tawdry existence. What caught my eye was “I was the victim of two attempted seduces…”. Now that just doesn’t make sense, and of course, me being me… well, I had to tell her so.

I pointed out her misuse of the word and made a couple of suggestions (“I was the victim of two attempted seductions” and so on) and just to twist the pen in the wound, I observed that grammar is hard, especially if you are from New York City, where English isn’t really spoken.

I know you will find this hard to believe, but I was actually kicked out of her chat. Amazing? Indeed.

Then, a mere 2 nights later, I made another sortie into the hostile territory of her channel and lo, she had changed her show description and now had an entirely new grammatical error on display. Once again, I pointed out her error and repeated my commiseration that grammar was difficult for one who was a denizen of New York City. Her anger was plain to see, as her current favorite butt-boy (Ian123456789) was in chat and “lol’d” at her mistake. Once again, I found myself looking at the familiar “You have been kicked from this channel” message.

I fear that Yetta’s wheels are coming off. Cocoa was right; her appointment with the ferryman draws near. Be sure to keep some change handy, Yetta. Charon does charge for the ride.

What does “severe” mean?

First, let’s set the table.

“DUE TO SEVERE ABUSE OF THE SYSTEM”

Cocoa and I are in the midst of a discussion about this notice. Cocoa is somewhat perplexed about what this even means and seeks to understand this notice in light of the recent change to the ToS. I am puzzled as to what “severe abuse of the system” is supposed to mean.

It is fairly indisputable that Cram only listens to a fairly small number of people on Ivlog, so it seems obvious that one or more of these people is getting trolled hard from IPs that Cram is unable to associate with a user account (welcome to the internets, Cram). So just how hard are these Friends of Cram (FoC) getting trolled? I have no idea. I have not seen any of this for myself. The people that I observe getting trolled the most are the socially inept (Jessica, Faroe, etc) who invite and encourage the trolls with their emotional and flamboyant reactions. I have no doubt they fill Cram’s inbox with complaint piled atop complaint, but that is just part of their nature.

Cram, your website is theoretically for adults. Your ToS states “This site is designated for the use of any person, 18 years of age or older.” Obviously, reaching the age of 18 (or 21, or 35, or 80) does not confer maturity, wisdom or emotional stability on anyone, and those limp-dicked motherfuckers are the ones that are troll magnets. I watched in person as JessicaLovesDrama called for a moderator to ban “mean guests” when she was unable to deal with the fallout of a run-in she had on Crossdresser Jack’s show. As a broadcaster, she had the tools to manage her show, but she worked herself into such a state that all she could do was weep and moan piteously on camera because people were being mean to her.

So I have to ask myself the following: is this issue being driven by a handful of marginal social retards filling up Cram’s inbox, or is there something going on amidst the FoCs that I am just completely unaware of? I will seek to enhance my understanding of what is driving this interesting Vaughn-like policy and report back when I have something that seems to make a modicum of sense.

Killing guest chat strikes me as terrifically counter-productive (as amply demonstrated elsewhere) to a social broadcasting site. I don’t see this current course of action ending well for site management or site users.

Cray Cray, 24/7

Yetta is back to screaming about Lizzy around the clock. Lizzy did this, Lizzy did that, Lizzy made up user names, Lizzy made a blog post, Lizzy made a twitter account, Lizzy wrote me a “lettah”, Lizzy catfished me, Lizzy called me a name, Lizzy parked in a tow-away zone, Lizzy kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, Lizzy was late returning a book to the library, Lizzy was responsible for the stock market crash… the list is endless.

Lizzy made my nose grow!

Yetta is also yelling about other ‘casters who are “putting her on the spot” by interrogating her (Yetta’s phrase) regarding the Great New Year’s Non-invitation of 2019 that had Yetta stuck in a 72 hour loop complaining about not being invited to an Ivlog show (I really do wish I was making this up). So far, she has mentioned BPink, Donny Donowitz, and “Jackie” Lee by name as broadcasters who put her on the spot when she entered their channels by asking her about her continuing Lizzy rants. Yetta states to her audience of Ian and guests that these above named broadcasters are nefarious ne’er do wells who seek to make her feel guilty for “crimes” that others have perpetrated upon her. “I’m innocent, I AM THE VICTIM”, Yetta cries to her small and mostly silenced audience.

Credit where it is due. When Donny told the old bat he had filed a ToS complaint against her (and whether he actually did or not is certainly open to speculation), it set her off like a dog with a roman candle shoved up its ass. Yetta is still running in circles, baying at the top of her considerable lungs about how innocent she is and how very guilty Donny is.

At some point, Yetta will get her medication adjusted again and she will enter a period of quiescence, but in the meantime Yetta is fully cranked up and venting her spleen to anyone that is willing to park in her channel for 30 seconds. Enjoy, people.

Yes this song is about you.

Yes Jane, this is about you and yes Jane, you are so vain. Jane1963, an annoying woman on Ivlog.tv, is the biggest narcissist I’ve ever seen. Any time she goes into a room, it’s all about her. She has to talk about her looks, her hair, her hands, her this, her that. She makes me want to vomit. She robs me of my ability to think or write in a coherent fashion. She makes my anus weep tears of rage blood. I wonder what happened in her early life that has made her crave attention from strangers. She is in constant need to receive compliments from others to the point that she gets in bikinis online. I decided to google the Jane1963 and found out that she was a broadcaster from the once famous Blogtv. I can only imagine how mind numbingly boring those casts must have been. I mean, how many times can one hear about Jane’s hair, or her nails, or her make up…. I want to put my brain in a blender just thinking about it. She also had a twitter account that she hasn’t tweeted on since 2015, weird for a narcissist. Say. maybe it’s because no one can SEE her on twitter and that’s why she uses the webcam sites. It seems when googling Jane1963 that I’m not the only one who would rather get a colonoscopy with a side order of root canal before hearing about Jane.

For those of you who adore Jane and wish to be the white knight to save her from my anger vomit, go ahead I don’t care.

I found this little video on my google search. Enjoy. WARNING – Have an ice pick handy to slam into your ear drums, just in case. You can thank me later.

https://youtu.be/exJTxxZxlec

The Tranny Train stops here

If you have an IQ higher than a houseplant and you have been paying any attention at all lately, you are no doubt aware that Ivlog recently made a change to their ToS, primarily in regards to the use of 3rd party applications such as Skype, Discord, etc during live broadcasts.

In a nutshell, if someone is bannzored from Ivlog, you may not have them in your show by means of one of these 3rd party applications.

So what does the simpleton cross-dresser do this morning? Jack has damisc on a skype call and within seconds of damisc starting to speak…

HEAD SHOT!

This happened before damisc could get even one sentence out of that sewer he calls a mouth. Was the Ivlog moderator sitting in the Ivlog Command Center, watching, waiting for Jack to fuck up? I have no doubts on that score. Of course he was. Jack’s propensity for fucking up is exceeded only by the amount of pancake makeup slathered on his face.

Will Jack return? Will Jack learn anything from this? Will Jack buy larger rubber titties? Only time will tell.

Thank you, Roller

Way back a long time ago, in the dim prehistoric days of social broadcasting, I met a unique guy with the name of Roller. It was on Yahoo Live and for those of you who were on Yahoo Live… it was the Wild Wild West of the broadcasting world for a few glorious and insane months. Roller fit right in. He had a great sense of self-deprecating humor and was an early adopter of the webcam overlay packages that were available at the time. I was doing a show one night and he popped up on a guest cam, tinted RED as a fire engine, with animated flames coming up from the bottom of the frame and enormous horns superimposed on his forehead. He gleefully typed in chat “I’M IN HELL!, get it?”. He was never one to let his infirmity slow him down or get him down.

Roller loved what is euphemistically called “classic rock and roll” and loved to share his music with one and all. He fell into doing shows pretty quickly and made a lot of friends with equal speed. I never met a single person who didn’t like him once they got to know him, which leads me into a True Roller Story. He was doing a show one afternoon, and I sort of dragged a new-to-the-site female into his cast. She had never seen Roller before, and shortly after we entered his channel, she PM’d me and said “This guy looks weird.” I replied “He’s a quad, think nothing of it.” She replied “A quad? What’s a quad?” I realized I had not given her a detailed enough explanation, so I told her that “quad” was short for quadriplegic and explained briefly what had happened to him. To make a long story short, that woman never missed another of his ‘casts after that day. Once she spoke to him that first time, he worked that magical southern charm of his all over her and he had another friend for life.

When Yahoo Live bit the dust we all migrated to the various available webcasting sites and eventually washed up on the shores of BlogTV. There was an afternoon show on BlogTV hosted by a guy whose ID was justROBme2 (a nice guy, technologically challenged to be sure, but a nice guy) that was heavily attended. When Rob would sign off there would always be much discussion about who was going to go live next. Eventually, Roller took over the post-Rob time slot and an internet star was born. Roller’s sure-fire mix of mainstream rock and his easy manners coupled with a fairly friendly chat room began to attract more and more viewers.

One of Roller’s patented DJ Cat images.

As time went on, Roller began to trim his hours a bit and cut back on the number of shows. I assume there were probably some health issues driving this, but Roller was always 100% cheerful and “on” when he went live. No show was complete without cries of “Fix your shit!” and “UNMUTE, noob!” from the audience, tales of dropped sticks (if you were there, you know what I’m talking about), and a detailed description of what was for supper.

Sadly, Roller has passed away, and while his shows had become downright infrequent, I feel comfortable in saying that no one who saw him is ever going to forget him. He was a natural at entertaining his friends and it was a pleasure to kick back for a couple or three hours and just let Roller take over the controls. He was widely loved, respected and admired; he will be missed.

Still angry, still balding

YellerTellerbeller is back and looking absolutely terrible. Cocoa Black actually called me and asked me to look in on the old woman. Cocoa was concerned that Yetta was puffy and misshapen and was perhaps nearing her end. While I did not disagree that Yetta is indeed looking more saggy as of late, I suspect she still has a few more miles left before her farting days are over.

Yetta was having a grand old time spewing her hatred toward the latest people that she has interacted with. Singled out for special attention: the human appearing scarecrow named McGuyver (loudly and repeatedly denounced for trying to “hijack” Yetta’s show), Boston Chickie (apparently for the crime of having McGuyver in her channel) and Capt. CRAPtastic (the latest person she is quite certain is an author on this blog). Yetta pronounced all of them to be pedestrian and unworthy of her attention… all while paying them attention. Consistency is not exactly Yetta’s salient characteristic.

Of note, there is a new Yettacentric channel on Ivlog. I do hereby swear and affirm I have exactly nothing to do with that channel, but I can also state that it is doing the Lord’s work and I wish them every success, right up until the time some asshat reports it to the comically inept management of Ivlog and they remove it.

Tears of the Weak

Okay, this should be simple, and I think for most of you, it is. There are Certain Individuals that haunt social media sites and they do nothing but lie and incite. I suspect that you, dear reader, could easily tick off a short list of them without putting forth any effort. These Certain Individuals are harmless to those of us that know them for who and what they are, but the weak-minded (that’s harsh, but it’s fair) let these people get under their skins and all too often they take what is said to or about them to heart.

The latest episode of this drama du jour happened this morning in the Official Ivlog Transvestite channel. The laughably hideous “JackieLee” was babbling on in his usual mindless manner when a slap fight broke out between Michelle Stacy (a well known Certain Individual) and JessicaLuvsJesus (the weak-minded). The mentally ill LikLik (yet another Certain Individual) sensed a disturbance within the asylum and immediately rushed to join the affray, adding his own peculiar brand of inflammatory disinformation wherever he felt it would do the most harm. It’s what he does. In the meantime, JackieLee did what he does best: absolutely nothing.

As far as a fight, the outcome was never in doubt. Michelle Stacy and LikLik are devoid of anything we might term a conscience, and JessicaLuvsJesus is basically unarmed in any battle of wits. The Certain Individuals fired off their usual spread of lies, the weak-minded took it very seriously, burst into tears and rage quit. JessicaLuvsJesus retreated to one of her alt accounts, wept copiously and finally summoned an Ivlog site moderator to nail “mean” guests with IP bans.

Various denizens of Ivlog popped in and out of JessicaLuvsJesus’ channel to commiserate or remonstrate as their natures dictated. Among these folks was Boston Chickie (someone I have “known” since she first appeared in the dim and misty past of social broadcasting) who wisely observed that with the passage of a few days this would all blow over. It did sadden me to see that Michelle Stacy was later sighted in Boston Chickie’s channel as her super-op. Boston, dear lady, if you lay down with dogs you will surely get up with fleas.

This all leads into a discussion on the subject of “transitive friendships” and the ultimately destructive nature of relationships to people who give credence to that philosophy. The friend of your friend DOES NOT HAVE TO BE my friend. It is entirely possible and eminently legitimate that you may have a friend that I despise and you and I can remain friends. If you would be so kind, please ask yourself some simple questions: when you were growing up, how many of your friends were disapproved of by your parents? Did you despise your parents because they disliked one of your friends? Do you feel your parents were wrong, given the time that has since elapsed? Do you now comprehend their point of view?

I worry for Boston Chickie and her seeming friendship with someone that I know is a viper, but I am not going to cease contact with BC over the issue. I suspect BC will, in her own good time come to see what, in my opinion, is self-evident, but as a wise man once said, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him think. Er…., drink.

One year ago

I meant to post this yesterday and I got sidetracked by a stubborn PCIe SATA controller card that wished to have its way with me. This afternoon, after a fearsome struggle in which much blood was shed, I prevailed.

ONE YEAR AGO, Mommy Vaughn announced that she was dying.

Will you PLEASE get on with it.

It grieves me to report that I have nothing further to report. I shall endeavor to maintain a sense of optimism and hope for the worst. For her.

Fun for kids of all ages

Cocoa has told me to get off my dead posterior and do something I mentioned in passing once upon a time: Cookie Bingo.

The rules are simple and the card below is but an example. Write down 24 of her annoying words or phrases (which should not be too difficult, because that woman is the living embodiment of annoying) and play Cookie Bingo with your friends. Fun for anyone who has ever been on JTV, blogTV, YawnLive or Ivlog.

Right click, save as, or whatever the kids are doing these days…

Note: Her OCD forces her to say some of her words/phrases over and over. Sorry, you only get to use it once, because she IS crazy and you aren’t.

TraffiC means Tripcode

Cookie has decided that she has discovered the secret identity of this writer. She has come to the inescapable and ineluctable conclusion that I am…

The Ivlog Ouija Boards says all signs point to…

Tripcode. After announcing this, she then loudly proclaimed (in triplicate, as is her wont) that I would deny that I am Tripcode. Toots, I could give exactly zero flying fucks at a rolling doughnut who you think I am. If you need to think I am Tripcode, the Wizard of Oz, the Grand Wazoo or Father Duffy, then that is who I am.

With the help of her current sidekick, Ian985 (more about Ian shortly), they then deduced that Cocoa was someone named Jinx. After a bit more brainstorming, they came to the positive conclusion that HandsomeMork and Cocoa Black are both Tripcode. By now, you must be thinking the same thing that I am… Tripcode is a VERY busy boy.

As H.L. Mencken said, “For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”

Ian985 is a rather interesting character. He agrees with every single bit of nonsense that drops out of Cookie’s ever flapping pie hole. He agrees just a little too much, too eagerly, too avidly. I’m gonna go ahead right now, in writing, and call him out as a catfish. No one agrees with anyone as much as Ian agrees with Cookie, and when something is too good to be true, it’s just too damn good to be true. Shitlips, you are fixin’ to get burned once again and I for one am going to revel in every minute of it.


ME! ME! ME!

Deeply into her senescence, Yetta’s show has become a festival celebrating her own peculiar brand of egocentrism. I have encountered some self-centered assholes in my sixty plus years on this planet the kids call “erf”, but this old bat is walking off with the cake. With an ego that large, it is simply impossible for a knave such as myself to resist the impulse to stick the occasional pin in the enormous balloon of her self-esteem. Sometimes it rattles her cage just a bit, as witnessed by the screen capture below:

Spiling iz haard. No simple typo, this.

She did in fact notice her error, as a clear expression of irritation passed across her face, but in true Lipshitzian fashion, she plowed on for the next 25 minutes telling me just how very much I sucked. Then it was back to the “All Lizzy, All The Time” diatribe she has been locked into since the beginning of 2019. I must bow to Lizzy, as she is UNDER the skin of Kookie in a truly impressive fashion. Troll Level: Master.

The Holidays Can Be Hard

This time of year can be difficult for some people. For example, the bag lady of Ivlog is having an exceedingly rough time of it right now. Still pining for her young and star-crossed time-traveling paramour, we observe that Ruth Telebooth Yetta Telebenda is showing not only her sizeable bald spot (which, it appears she has been able to successfully lease as a helipad), but also a good inch or so of not-so-fashionable gray rootage.

You are cleared for landing.

I truly feel sorry for the poor hair dresser that will have to endure the hour or so of inane and befuddled Lipshitsian ramblings as Marjorie sees to her thinning coiffure in an attempt to hang on to the dimming memories of those bygone times when she was young and dinosaurs walked the earth.

Twenty-four Minutes!

While browsing Ivlog.tv I found a new broadcaster, blackdick021.  His room was just that, a black dick.  He was live for 24 minutes.  I am impressed that he could stroke it for 24 minutes.

‘Tis the Season

In an event that we all saw coming, Yetta’s unrequited lesbian love for Lizzy is no more.

Yetta is a harsh mistress, and apparently Lizzy’s behavior failed to pass muster, leading Yetta to label Lizzy a “sleaze”. Yetta spent a rough 24 hours defending her judgemental behavior, alternately declaiming that she had not in fact called Lizzy a “sleaze” per se, but had labeled Lizzy’s behavior (repeat the word “behavior” three times then write it in chat) “sleazy” and then stating that it really didn’t matter if she had called Lizzy a sleaze or not, as the truth must be told, and Yetta – being a direct descendant of Moses (just ask her) – is the preeminent giver of the law and truth.

So now we come to Yetta, sitting in her channel, chat set to “ops only”, insulting her listeners as “uneducated”, “willfully ignorant”, “fools”, “lacking in understanding” and so on. Yetta has lots of experience in failed relationships, and all of those failures have one common element. That element is Marjorie Levine. Lack of understanding indeed, Yetta.

Per Yetta, Lizzy will not respond to any PMs and so Yetta had no choice other than to ban Lizzy from her channel. This information comes directly from Yetta, so look for the story to change by noon tomorrow. It always does.